I don’t think it’s a coincidence that today I heard both “You Don’t Know How It Feels” by Tom Petty andBut It’s Alright” by JJ Jackson (which opens with the line, “You don’t know how I feel.”).

Because honestly? I don’t think anyone knows how I feel right now. My poor mom tried to talk to me tonight and struck out every time she opened her mouth. Because there’s not a right answer. There’s not a quick fix.

It won’t help to tell me to be grateful for my many blessings. It won’t help to encourage me to share my feelings honestly. And please, for the love of all pity parties, don’t recite Bible verses that I have memorized, too.

Because you don’t know how I feel. You don’t know how it feels to be me.

(Although I realize you might be picking up on the fact that right now, I’m feeling a tad grumpy.)

I was disappointed today. Big time. I pursued an opportunity, and it didn’t work out. I’m not even that upset about the specific opportunity; I’d already figured out that it wasn’t the best thing for me. I’m just thoroughly discouraged about my entire life.

That’s not really better, is it?

My mom even said, “This isn’t the life I wanted for you either.”

Ah! She wasn’t being mean or critical; she was just acknowledging some of how I feel. I think. I don’t even really know how I feel.

I do know that I have a good life. I know God is in control. I know the people of Haiti have it way worse, and I should shut up. I know. But knowing isn’t helping. Nothing is helping right now.

By the time this posts, I’ll probably feel better. Or maybe not. Maybe it will take a road trip and day of family chaos fun to cheer me up. Maybe the sun will show its face after a thousand years, and that will help.

You know – the sun will come out tomorrow, so don’t worry, little Annie? Yeah, maybe that will do the trick.

I don’t know. You don’t know. And that’s where I’m at today.

I think I’ll go listen to some more Tom Petty and consider one of life’s great questions: Why does this straight-laced, goody-two-shoes girl love druggie music so much?

What kind of music do you listen to when you’re feeling discouraged?

(I really wanted to say “feeling bummed out…man…” right there. Mainly because I think I’m funny. Please, don’t tell me otherwise. Or at least wait until the sun comes out.)

P.S. I’m linking up to Sarah’s carnival at Real Life Blog.


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