Next weekend, I’m going to a blogging conference called She Speaks. Technically it’s a conference for women called to write and speak in ministry, but they’ve added a blogging track. And since those are the classes I’ll take, I’m calling it a blogging conference.
I. Am. So. Excited.
On the other hand, as I sit here at my computer, I’m wondering why I ever signed up to go in the first place. I feel so inadequate and small, and the view from my couch doesn’t help. I see blocks scattered on the floor, laundry stacked in a basket, books laying next to the bookshelf and dishes on the dining room table.
Going online to read my favorite blogs makes it even worse. Some sick, sad part of me is compelled to check my stats over and over; and then, even worse, compare them to the subscriber numbers I can see in Google Reader for other blogs.
I can’t compete. They’re cool; I’m not. They’re thin; I’m not. They have four perfect children; I don’t. They don’t yell at their kids, their houses are clean, their careers are amazing (and they’re younger than me!), they write way better than I do, their hair is prettier than mine, and on and on and on and . . .
Hold the phone. Who let the crazy out? Let’s pull it back in now.
I know I said that the Me, Myself & Lies study is hard, but it’s not been for nothing. I am learning something! Those things that I was letting spin me out of control are not true.
Well, okay, other people’s houses might be cleaner than mine. But who cares?
Because, the fact that I’m going to this conference is a total God thing. I had no idea how I was going to pay for it, and I happened to mention it in passing to my boss. My boss, who is running a company in a struggling industry in a difficult economy; the same one who said the company would pay for it as professional development! That offer came out of nowhere and just about knocked me off my seat! (Wouldn’t that have been good for the career – passing out in the CEO’s office?)
Clearly, I can’t take it lightly that I am going to this event.
After all, I remember what happened in February at Blissdom. When I got all freaked out about how cool and together and smart and funny and WHATEVER everyone else was – and missed out on a lot of fun.
Besides, it turns out that I’m not the only one freaking out a little bit. Somehow, that is so encouraging. Well, their freaking out is a little encouraging (misery loves company or something), but most inspiring is the way these women reframe their thoughts and focus on the good things God has planned for us at this conference.
- Lisa talks about clicking – or not – with new friends at conferences.
- Lysa writes about competing with and comparing ourselves to others in ministry.
- Holley shares that sometimes God has to tell her “Enough” with the insecurities and fear.
- Shelly talks about how going to this conference is out of her comfort zone.
So there. I’m not going to panic. I’m not going to wear my insecurities to the party. I’m going to pack my cutest outfits, my laptop and my new business cards, and I’m going to connect with blog friends, meet new friends and learn a whole lot about blogging and online ministries.
And I promise, when I get back, I will tell you all about the cool things I’ve learned and new friends I’ve made! Believing in myself and having a darned good time at She Speaks is going to work for me.
[As always, for more Works for Me Wednesday, visit We Are THAT Family.]
I admire your honesty and vulnerability and I have to say…I LOVE your blog, your writing style, your humor, your insight… You just walk right into that conference with your head held high knowing that there are lots of readers/followers who appreciate and enjoy what you do! :)
I love your blog too! Enjoy yourself at the conference!
I, for one, LOVE your blog! You had me at your title.
You're honest. You're funny. You're real. And you write very, very well.
Like you, I fall into the comparison trap a lot, in the blogosphere and in real life. My current post is about giving up some things so I can narrow my focus on what God really wants for me.
Hope you have a wonderful time at the conference! Can't wait to hear about it.
You're beautiful. You're smart. And gosh darn it, how can people not like you?!!!!
Thank you for your honest inspiration. And your boss is a gem!
Can't wait to read more about it.
And if it makes you feel better, sitting here at my desk (that is covered in papers) I'm being stared down by a t-rex plastic dinosaur, a dirty cup, a micky mouse hat and a Curious George with one arm that's waiting to be mended. Such is life!
Mary, I feel that way 100% of the time. I stress over why I have never gotten any PR goodies while "everyone else" seems to be rolling in them. This week, with a definite lack of comments, I've had to remind myself several times that I need to just write what I want and deal. My blog is just me. I refuse to pretend to be someone else so I can go to Disney World.
You are a fantastic writer, and that is what matters. You crack me up, you're genuine, and I know you have many adoring fans. I SO wish I could go to SheSpeaks so we could be giggling girlfriend roommates.
Jessie
I love your blog and I feel the same way about the conference! I'm glad I'm not the only one :)I look forward to meeting you!
"Hold the phone. Who let the crazy out? Let’s pull it back in now."
That cracked me up. :) I guess we're all crazy (whew!;)! (right?? b/c I can relate anyway…)
I can't wait to meet you there, Mary…from one crazy to another ;)
Ok…I'm jealous…my stats are ridiculously low…however, I think consistency would be key for me…
Clearly you haven't read my blog lately and seen my kids messy rooms…And I totally don't have 4 perfect children…and I could go on and on…hope it makes you feel better. This week by the way I'm trying to catch up on what I missed. Can you believe it took a month for me to get my book? Monday I had an important business call that went longer than expected…so I'll be back this monday God willing.
OK. First off, let me tell you something that I get told ALL OF THE TIME…"You are too hard on yourself."
I know this. You know this. And I don't even KNOW you.
The whole comparison thing is easy to get sucked into. We all do battle with it in our daily lives. (Or at least I tell myself we do.)
If you need a pick me up, check out my blog. I think you might get all of the positive reinforcement you can stand.
Enjoy the opportunity!
Wow you get to PRACTICE the work you've done on your thought closet and see where God wants to do more. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Can't wait to hear about your conference and how God blesses you because of it.
You're such a crack up! My dad always says, "Hold the phone". I can totally relate to all those insecure self-talk lies. Glad you're working through that. What a blessing that your trip was paid for. Hope you have a super fun time. Can you post a picture of your business cards or is that a dumb request? Someday I hope to be one of your giggling roommates (as Jessie put it) at one of those events. :)
You all are just so sweet. And I love you guys!!!
You better not give yourself a hard time! You are awesome and I relate because I do the same thing when it comes to blogging and comparing and wanting to give up for the 100th time. I look at you and think "WOW she goes to conferences!" or " WOW She gets comments :)" and I could get really down, but the thing is you are real and personable and that is what I like about his blog. Not to mention, my house is probably worse than yours, hence the name Messy Mom. Have fun next weekend.
I SOOOO WISH I WAS GOING!!!
"I’m not going to wear my insecurities to the party. I’m going to pack my cutest outfits, my laptop and my new business cards, and I’m going to connect with blog friends, meet new friends and learn a whole lot about blogging and online ministries."
Well then, I suspect you'll be the best-dressed gal there! Great post … a healthy dose of perspective is always beneficial, and becoming.
Can't wait to meet you! ~ Rachel
Huh! Imagine that, lots of folks telling you the same thing I've been telling for a while. This weekend, you go get'em, Girlfriend! God's got such big things in store for you the folks you are already blessing is just the tip of the iceberg. Ditch the plans (that you always do) and shut up all those voices in your head (even mine) and just listen to and enjoy what God has planned for you this weekend. Can't get any better than that.
Amy, me too!!! Maybe next year… :(
It will be my first time attending the SheSpeaks conference (which I'm calling a writer's conference, because I'm mostly taking the Writer's Track :)) And I feel exactly the same way you do.
Mary,
Jessie and Vandy Wife and I were just talking about the fact that I'm going to She Speaks, too! I can't wait to meet you and hang out. And if I hug you out of the blue then I will have remembered that Jessie asked me to hug you for her. I'm not really that crazy… wait, might be.
Anyway,I'll be looking for you on Friday!! {Oh, and I am right there with you on the insecurity bit- and the dirty house, as well, but we don't have to bring that up.}
Can't wait!
Hillary