Last night, Annalyn told me my sock was pretty. More specifically, she said, “Sock,” petted my brown nylon covered foot, and said, “Pretty.”
She also says “pretty” when I wear my blue t-shirt, when I brush her hair and when we put a bow in her hair.
And when her daddy tells her that she looks pretty? Well, that’s enough to make a girl giggle and squeal!
So when I heard about Miley Cyrus’s performance on the Teen Choice Awards, I couldn’t help but wonder if she actually believes pole dancing and hot pants are pretty.
Because not so long ago, shiny purple and fluffy pink and glittery silver were undoubtedly more her taste than black leather. And based on my vast personal knowledge of her as a person (please, please hear my self-inflicted sarcasm here), I feel confident that not so long ago, she only wanted to hear her daddy call her pretty.
I’m not writing about this to judge Miley Cyrus or any other celebrity for clothing choices and public behaviors. Because, honestly, I can’t possibly imagine what their lives are truly like or why they make the decisions they do.
But it’s not like I have to turn on the television to see girls working hard to feel pretty – and missing the mark by a mile.
I only have to look as far as my bathroom mirror – at the girl who gets up early enough to put on mascara, but not early enough to spend time in prayer; the girl who picks out the baggiest pants in her closet instead of going for a walk; the girl who cracks jokes and puts on a smart face instead of daring to admit she’s hurt or confused or (gasp!) human.
And when I think about all this – my pretty sock and my sweet daughter and young celebrities and my bathroom mirror – I wonder if it’s inevitable, the tendency to act ugly in our pursuit of beauty. Or maybe, just maybe, there’s a way to stop myself – or, not too far from now, Annalyn – from acting ugly to feel pretty.
My friend, Becky Jo, said something awesome about this issue during our Bible study. I wish I could remember exactly how she put it. What I do remember (because I took notes!) is that she referenced Psalm 45:11, which says, “The King is enthralled by your beauty.”
What do you think? Are there times when you act ugly and think it will make you feel pretty? Or, looking at the lighter side of this topic, is there anything ugly you do that really does make you feel pretty (see facial mask above as Example A)?
And Becky Jo, are you there? Can you remind me what you said about how our beauty comes from God . . . ??
* And for you movie buffs, yes, today’s title is from Dirty Dancing.
I said if the KING finds me beautiful, who am I to say I'm not. He is the King, after all!!!!!!
And this was beautifully written!
Love ya!
my mom ALWAYS said (and I'm sure many mom's did), "honey, it's your heart…what's on the inside that counts." this was always in reference to the fact I was complaining about my looks and comparing myself to the pretty girls at school. I honestly thought that's just what mom's said to make the ugly duckling feel pretty. I truly believe it now. I want more than anything in the world for Eva to be good and kind to others and to bring joy to others (I prayed that exact thing over both my children while they were in the womb.) I'm rambling now, but sure…there are lot's of "ugly" things I do. like gripe, gossip, envy others, say snide remarks when i'm irritated. I could go on. I am a complete work in progress. I pray my children don't inherit my bad qualities…monkey see monkey do.
I love so many parts of this post.
1) Your close, personal relationship with Miley Cyrus- who knew?
2) Your Dirty Dancing knowledge (why would you leave out "Nobody leaves baby in a corner" or "I carried a watermelon").
3) Oh- yes- the actual point.
What a great idea; I love it and need to be reminded of it daily! I think this can be carried over into words,as well e.g. when we put others down to make ourselves feel better (also known as middle school for me). Or when we base anything on what other people thing of us instead of how God views us.
Can SO relate to getting up early enough for makeup, but not for the B-B-B-L-E (you better be singing). What's the point?
Great post. Can this count as my devotion this morning?
Or B-I-B-L-E. You know. However you spell it.
i recently told my daughter, who is entering the world of teen dating (yikes!) that she doesn't need a boy to tell her she's beautiful or special. it's what God thinks of her that matters.
So true. I often think about this too — how I actually become less pretty as I try harder to be more pretty and/or to fit in with all the other girls, focusing mostly on outward appearance. Sigh… (I need to remember to "Seek ye first the kingdom of God"!:)
I love everything about this post. I dont even have anything to add. Except that I cringed a little about the mascara without spending time with Jesus. Guilty.
Great post, Mary. Oh, and please visit my blog at the post titled "Vacation 1989" to see photos of a teenage me at the exact place where Dirty Dancing was filmed. "I carried a watermelon". Love it!
Anyway, this reminds me of that same summer of 1989 when I had major jaw surgery and had my jaws wired shut for six weeks. I was a church-goer but was not saved. I knew next to nothing about God. One night, when I was sad and miserable about my puffed up, swollen face and only being able to eat liquid food, I felt so ugly.
I opened my Bible (I KNEW I needed Him, but I didn't know it) and just happened to turn to Song of Songs and read "How beautiful you are my darling, how beautiful…." I cried in happiness because I thought God was telling me that a BOY would think I was beautiful after I went back to school with my new face.
Oh, how I wish I had known that God Himself was telling me I was beautiful right then and there. But I didn't find out until years later. I wish I had known. I wasted years chasing after the love and acceptance of boys, based on my appearance.
This is kind of long, but I felt God prompting me to share it. Thanks for all you share with us.
What a really timely post. On one hand it is SO important to know our real value and true worth in the eyes of our Creator.
On the other hand, as we are created in HIS IMAGE, we also love to hear that we are gloriously, wondrously beautiful to others.
God is so incredibly glorious and beautiful that some of the angels' in heaven were created specifically to sing praises to His Name. I think there is a part of this innate character that we miss somewhere along the way – as Christians.
We MUST focus on the inner person and our heart – but God also created us with a need to HEAR that we are indeed beautiful to someone else.
Maybe we need to lavish praise on others more often. There are plenty of people in our world who lavish compliments on young girls who ache to hear how lovely they are – only to take advantage of that desperate need.
Maybe as we build character and pray over our children, we also need to find a way to compliment the gifts God has given them physically, too. For their beautiful eyes, shiny hair, their quick smile, strong legs, their little beauty marks and freckles, and long, graceful hands are creations of our Father and gifts endowed on each of them for a purpose.
Outer beauty is fleeting, and yet God blesses us with incredible gifts. Complimenting good behavior and Christian character is as important as telling your daughter, sister, friend (etc.) how beautiful she is.
I know you stressed the point that you were not judging Miley Cyrus, BUT I still had to check out the story because I had not seen the Teen choice awards. Talk about disappointing! I know so many little girls that look up to her.
Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and now another one bites the dust.
I am having quite a time raising a little girl and trying to shield her from all of this. It's really hard. I don't want her to think being pretty is what matters. It does, kinda…but it's not what is most important…Gah!
I once read a book (and I don't remember which one now :-D) that struck a chord with me and it will be something I will always remember, because I really related to it. Girls need to hear they are pretty. Boys need to hear they are strong. Why? Because that is how God made them. The Bible is full of references to women being beautiful. The Bible is full of references to men being strong. But it is not because of us, but because of HIM. When we mirror God, we are beautiful. Haven't you ever seen a woman who, by the world's standards, is not very pretty, but because of the joy of the Lord, she SHINES? She is beautiful. Each gender reflects a different image of God. God is a warrior. God is strength. Men reflect that. God is love. God is peace. God is beautiful. Women reflect that. (You know, the Bible never tells a woman to love her husband…a man is commanded to love his wife, but a woman is only commanded to respect her husband…why?…because women naturally love–it's how God made us…and we naturally want to take over–it's the curse :-D)
Okay…all that to say… I have heard other moms say they are worried about their daughters becoming vain if they are told all the time that they are pretty. I don't think this is the case. I tell my daughters several times a day that they are beautiful….and you know what? They tell each other that. I very rarely hear them say, "look mom, I'm pretty", but they have learned to look for ways that their siblings are beautiful. I also tell them that the things that they are doing make them pretty–"Honor, God loves it when you help Samuel".
If someone focuses solely on the material aspect of being pretty, yes, I think girls can become vain. But I think it is especially important for a little girl to hear from her Daddy that she is beautiful and for little boys to hear from their Mommy that they are strong. When they grow up, I want my girls to know that they have their Heavenly Father's affection so they don't need to search it out from men–their earthly father should be giving them that same kind of love that their Heavenly Father would, as a tangible example.
I also think it is important to teach children at YOUNG ages about modesty and about how to be beautiful without showing off your stuff :-D. We talk about how when Adam and Eve first admitted their sin to God, God clothed them. I don't let my girls wear clothes now that I wouldn't let them wear when they hit puberty. Things like that. Hopefully it will be so ingrained in them by the time they are teenagers that it won't be an issue. We talk about what the Bible says about everything so hopefully "when they are old they will not depart from it"
(Doorposts has really good books for help with discipling your children…my current favorite is "Honor Your Father and Mother: The Fifth Commandment for Little Ones"–for every kind of behavior issues you can have, it has a verse and a cartoon to teach kids what God has to say about it. The kids love that book!)
Okay…I went long and kind of rambled…sorry :-D.
becky that was beautiful!
ok… you already commented on my facebook status, but today in the makeup aisle at walmart samantha pointed to a picture of a beautiful woman and said, "mom, if your eyebrows looked like this i would like you more. and your whole face—if your whole face looked like this i'd like you more."
so we had our little discussion in walmart about liking people for who they are, not what they look like. and i think she just meant that i would, in fact, look prettier. not that she'd love me any more.
i enjoyed this post…good things to think about. and the one ugly thing i do is every now and then i wear no makeup. on purpose. and possibly go to the store with a bare face! (it gives me a little rush…) and there are times that i'll forget that i have no makeup on and have to run to the store, and while i'm driving i realize "holy cow i was just shopping with no makeup on!" and i love that because i didn't feel any different without makeup on…
sorry if this is hard to follow. after all, it is 1am!