Next Friday is my last day at my job. I’m leaving to spend more time with my family and to explore some options for more meaningful and flexible work.
In other words, I quit my job and will soon be a stay-at-home mom.
A few years ago, Mark and I went to Colorado for vacation. Our first stop was at Bear Lake in the Rocky Mountain National Park, where we hiked around the lake and up a supposedly “easy” trail to a waterfall. Then we decided to venture off the path and climb up a wall of rocks.
Climbing up was so much fun. But climbing down? Terrifying. That “wall of rocks” was maybe 10 feet tall, but I seriously thought I might die on the way down.
In other words, I’m not much of a rock climber.
Nevertheless, as my last day at work has approached and my anxiety level has flown past “slightly worried” and straight into “almost panicked but not quite,” I can’t help but compare this new phase of life with the very scary practice of rock climbing.
You have to let go of one thing in order to grab the next one.
It’s not hard to let go of my job. But letting go of my career – even if temporarily? And my idea of what “work” means? And my identity that, for better or worse, has a lot to do with going to an office and getting a paycheck? That’s real hard. But I can’t embrace this new adventure until I let go of those things.
Once you get to certain point, you can’t stop. You have to keep moving.
Mark and I discussed this for quite a while before finally deciding it was the right choice. Even then, though, we weren’t 100% sure. But there came a day when I had to put in my two and a half months’ notice – or lie about my plans for the third and fourth quarters.
So, I made the announcement. And then, there was no going back.
You need to have a spotter.
I don’t technically know how spotting works in rock climbing (you know, not being an actual rock climber). But I know you’re supposed to have one. And it’s kind of the same when going through major life changes, like quitting your job to stay home with your almost-three-year-old who’s recently developed serious behavior problems.
This one has come easily so far. Several of my friends responded to my announcement the same way: “Yay! Now we can have play dates !” Seriously, much squealing was involved. So, I already have two play dates scheduled and two others in the works. I’ve also scoped out our local MOPS group and plan on joining a Bible study at church once we get settled into our new routine.
It’s scary, but SO worth it.
I’m not sure about this one yet. But I’ll keep you posted…
Have you experienced any big life changes lately? Do you enjoy rock climbing?
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We’re considering a few life changes in our world too. They’re very similar to what you’re doing. Scary indeed.
I’m so very excited for you.
Scary and exciting – kind of two sides of the same coin, right?
Congractulations1 What an adventure you’re about to embark on! While I’ve never gone rock climbing, staying home with our kids have given me great joy and great frustration. It’s a lot of hard work, but it’s a decision that I’ve not regretted. I look forward to hearing about your new adventures!
Thank you!
Congrats!!! That was probably the hardest decision that I’ve ever had to make, personally, to this day. It was an easy decision for my husband.. We got pregnant, and it was just decided for him.. For me.. it was difficult. I took a year LOA first, so I knew we could survive without my income.. but when that day came that I made the call and said “I’m not going to be coming back” I almost hyperventilated.. Don’t get me wrong, it was the best decision I’ve ever made and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. And, the thought of putting my son in daycare makes me hyperventilate too..esp since he’s never even walked thru the doors of one.. It’s hard to explain, but know that someone in TX does know what you’re feeling.. Trust me tho.. you’ll LOVE it.. It’s the hardest, most wonderful most unappreciated job on the planet.. LOL.. No, I honestly believe that when my son is grown and I’m old and gray.. he will have appreciated me staying with him more than I’ll ever know….and your daughter will too!
Thanks, Amie. I appreciate that so much.
Congratulations, Mary! I guessed that this move was coming for you. You are very creative and a self-starter and I know you will find opportunities that are a perfect fit for you as a mom who stays at home. Enjoy this time with your precious little girl!
Thank you!!
I went through this just over a year ago. It is hard but so worth it. I did struggle with losing part of my identity. I didn’t realize how much I identified myself with what I did. But you do find yourself again, even if it an ever evolving process.
Thanks, Allison. It’s been so encouraging to learn that other women have gone through these feelings, too.
I remember when I had to stop working and I felt like I was no longer a productive member of society. it drove me crazy because I believed the lie that I had to be doing in order to be someone.
what you are doing for Annalyn is the most important job of your life. and you’ll be glad you focused on it like a career :)
I know, I know – doing is not as important as being. I just need to be reminded. {often} :)
I’m happy for you because quitting my job and becoming a stay-at-home mom has been a happy-making thing for me, and I want that for other women who think it could be right for them. I’ll go back to work some year soon, but on my dying day, I’ll still be grateful to have been able to be at home with my kids for this time. Best wishes as you start a new chapter!
Thank you so much!
This is all makes so much sense to me coming from a family of rock climbers. I never kept up with my brothers in the extreme sports arena. I would go up and get stuck at the top for like an hour because I feared coming down AND THAT WAS WITH ROPES. All I had to do was lean back and rappel down. That’s the fun part for most people, but I just could trust the rope and the person belaying me. I felt more content to rely on my own strength and cling to the rock. Oh dear now I am preaching. Anyway, great post, this will be a pivotal moment in you life and it will be AWESOME!
See? It DOES make sense! :) Thanks, Natalie.
Congratulations on your decision Mary. It’s interesting that we’re in different seasons of life right now. Wonderful Husband and I are finishing up our vacation in Calabash, NC sans kids. (Son is teaching his first year of middle school, daughter away at university.) And I have to say we’re having an awesome time. Since we’ve been on vacation I checked on a couple of open jobs I had applied for in our local school district and discovered that the jobs are filled/no longer available. So when I’m back home I’ll be sending out more resumes and devoting myself more to my job search.
So the big changes are somewhere in my future. No I’m not a fan of rock climbing…our adventure yesterday was finding the Kindred Spirit (mailbox) on Sunset Beach which Marybeth Whalen’s book “The Mailbox” is based on. Walking along the ocean is adventure enough for me. :)
Thanks, Cindy. Sounds like your new season IS an adventure! (And I can’t wait to read The Mailbox. I’ve got it on reserve at the library now!)
Mary! I am so happy you can stay home and play with us! We will keep ya busy :-)
Love you sweetie!
Grandma Patty Ann
PS God doesn’t want us to worry.
Mary! I am simultaneously so excited for you and so jealous! We are working towards me quitting my job, but things haven’t fallen into place yet. I hope they will soon! I have faith that God will provide for us when I take an extended (and hopefully forever) maternity leave starting in January.
I can’t wait to hear how it’s going for you as a SAHM. :)
Thanks, Tara. It’s never been possible for us before, and it’s going to be tight now. But I’m almost positive this is the right choice and it’s going to work out just fine…!
Very exciting!! What a huge change for both you and Annalynn! When I first stayed home I found the lack of people around me really hard as I’m totally an extrovert, but it got easier. Ah schedules, how I love thee! As long as we keep busy having playdates and having people over for dinner I survive (and doing two very part-time jobs now that the kids are in school.) I’m sure that after the transition time is over, you will love staying at home! (if not even during the transition time!) It’s so nice to not be rushed and to make your own schedule!
What kind of behaviours is Annalynn (sp?) throwing at you now?
Praying for you as you make this big change!
Thank you, Kimberly! I’m a little worried about the lack of contact with people, too.
Oh, Miss Annalyn has been SCREAMING like a psycho banshee, but it’s gotten better in the past week. So that’s something. ;)
Totally understand & remember those feelings! I quit, took 2 years off, and then actually went back with the same company for a year until I quit again!! So, I know about settling or not settling into a good SAHM routine;)
And I also know a little about rock climbing – it’s been a long time but I use to go to impress my now husband:) Another analogy you could use is the shoes. Real rock climbing shoes are worse than any stiletto heel – they feel about 2 sizes too small & curl your feet up like ballerina shoes but they are hard like dress shoes. So I say that to say you’ll feel like you’re walking in someone else’s shoes initially. And that’s ok, With a little time the shoes start to break in & you realize it’s just what you need at that particular moment to climb that particular mountain. Every now & then you’ll get the opportunity to take those shoes off & stretch your feet – it will feel really good!!! But when you slip those shoes back on to climb the next mountain, you’ll get excited b/c you realize there’s no other place you’d like to be but on that mountain!
Praying for a great transition for you & your family, Mary!!
Mandi, it is so reassuring to know that someone else knows what I’m going through and all the crazy things I’m feeling. Thank you.
SO excited for you, Mary!
Thank you, Amy!
Think of all they Skyping you have ahead of you…
The Skypes the Limit!
Go get ’em, Mary!
“The Skype’s the limit?” LOVE IT.
Greetings! Just catching up on my blog reading. Congrats on your decision. You won’t regret it. I stopped working after my second was born. Went back part-time when they started school full-time, and did some freelance work in the in between years. I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum now… getting back into my field now that the kids are in college or almost there (next year). And I think… where did the time go? I’m so glad I had those extra years with them. God bless, and enjoy this next stage of your life!
Thanks, Jenn!
I had this open for a while and kept meaning to get back to reading it and just finally did! Oh wow Mary, what a huge change for you, but I’m so proud of you for taking the leap into this unknown territory. It sounds like the right decision for you guys, and I’m sure it’s not always going to be easy, but like you said SO worth it! I hope it’s going well for you so far! :)
I was actually the opposite of you. When faced with a 100 foot wall in Canada on a wilderness trip in youth group (I think I was in 8th grade), I had no problem rappelling down it (I trusted my spotters/rope guides). I was terrified about having to climb back up it! So I took the longer hike back up and around the rock instead! I’m such a dope. Now at age 32, I’m sure I’d be the exact opposite now, or probably too chicken for either!
Thank you for your comment, Rochelle. And I’ll tell you – at this age and weight, I’d probably be afraid to climb up a wall now, too!