I don’t typically write about fighting with my husband. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, that’s because we never fight.
Right.
The other night, Mark had left for work and after I finished putting Annalyn to bed and cleaned up the kitchen, I realized I had a question to ask him. I called him, got voice mail and hung up.
For the rest of the night, I kept my cell phone right next to me, certain he would call back as soon as he could.
He didn’t call.
So, as I started the dishwasher and fed the cats, I called him again. He answered this time, completely unaware that I’d called before.
Right.
I’m sure he was telling the truth, that his phone really didn’t ring. But I was already feeling irritated, and I wasn’t about to stop just because Verizon had his back.
We went on to discuss some weekend plans, and I reminded him that I want to scrapbook with my cousins in a couple weeks.
“Okay, that’s fine. If [my nephew] has a football game that day, Annalyn and I will just go to that.”
Fine, whatever . . . wait, WHAT?!?
Immediately, I flashed back a few weeks to a Saturday morning when I got Annalyn and myself ready to go to the same nephew’s football game. The game that Mark said we were going to that day. The Mark that we had seen for less than an hour a day for the past week.
The day when Mark said I had misunderstood – and he didn’t want Annalyn and me to go with him.
He had reasons and they made some sense, so I kept my irritation under control that day. But now he was telling me – basically – that those reasons didn’t exist anymore? Or maybe they never did and he just didn’t want to spend time with us?!?
We bickered back and forth for a few more minutes and then, because my husband drives a large truck in the middle of the night for his job, I said “I love you” and hung up.
Irritated. Annoyed. A little hurt. And tired.
It was time for bed. So I headed back to my bedroom and picked up my {sorely neglected} One Year Bible. I flipped to that day’s reading, skimmed through some depressing Old Testament and landed in the Proverb of the Day.
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic
than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.
~ Proverbs 25:24
SIGH.
Yes. It’s possible that I may have been a bit quarrelsome (or, as some translations put it, contentious). Maybe he just didn’t think through his decision before – or his comment tonight. Maybe I could cut him some slack and not overreact for once.
So, I did what I do when I realize I’ve been the jerk. I apologized. Via text. To my truck-driving husband.
Oops.
Looking back, yes, I see that I should have called to apologize. But like I said, I was tired. And obviously not thinking clearly!
The main point, if we could get back to that, is that I apologized.
I’m assuming he forgave me, as he always does. He didn’t text back. Probably because he knew I’d call and yell at him if he did.
Have you ever gotten into a fight that seemed like a big deal at the time – but not so much later? Have you ever started a fight, only to realize later that you were the jerk?
This post will be linked up to Mama Kat’s Losin’ It, because she’s the smarty pants who helped break me out of today’s writer’s block!
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More times than I care to admit.
Recently, my son broke my glass while getting ready for school. That was OK, except that I was in a hurry to get out of the door. While I scurried around trying to clean up, I looked at my husband (who was watching my scampering from the kitchen) and said, “You could do something!”
Yeah. Not my finest moment. Of course, just the contention in my voice made my son tear up and then I had to explain to him that it wasn’t his fault that I was upset. Then I felt TERRIBLE, because it was just an accident.
So.. to summarize all of that, I feel your pain. Been there, done that. Had to apologize. More than once.
Agghhhh – doing it in front of the kids is even worse, isn’t it? We try hard not to fight in front of Annalyn, but it has happened a few times (everyday bickering and shortness has happened many more times). I always feel terrible – but try to use it as a teaching moment and do the right thing (apologize). Still. No fun!
I’m with you, I don’t talk about our fighting on my blog {in part because he reads it every day}… but I certainly understand this. We have been butting heads a ton this past week, gah! Putting our selfish ambition aside can be really hard in the thick of it. Thank you for sharing that verse – I needed to be reminded of that today.
You’re welcome – although I definitely need the reminder myself as well!
Um… probably most of the arguments with my husband are because I am being a jerk. My “favorite” though is when I KNOW very well I am behaving like jerk and I seem to keep going anyway. I am working on it though and making some headway.
Thanks for the post. It is always reassuring to hear that thoughtful, intelligent women make the same mistakes I do sometimes.
Clio – been there, done that and most certainly did NOT act like a thoughtful, intelligent woman! :)
Oh my too close to home. {but not with my hubby ….with my neighbor/girl friend}
I quick summary: During the next elections our schools are posting 3 new levy questions to get more money for our schools. Every body has an opinion on the issues…yes or no. I am still deciding and just don’t know where I stand. My neighbor is VERY much voting for the levies.
A week ago she posted on her Facebook to watch a certain school board video..and be persuaded by it to vote yes…then said, “And if your one of my friends on FB and STILL not voting for the levies, please remove yourself from my friend list….just joking…not really!”
I {being quick to speak or act with out thinking some time} hit the DELETE your FRIEND button. Was I being too literal? I read what she wrote and acted. Period. Nothing more.
She called once she realized what I had done…about 5 days later…very, VERY, VErrRrrrrY…UPSET WITH ME! She yelled, she swore, she called me many names and I am still a little stunned by it all. {There is a little more to it …as there always is with any fight…but that is the gist or bottom line of it.}
Still confused about the whole thing!
Kathy, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds really hurtful and confusing! Have you had any resolution or progress with your friend?
Ok…here’s one: My husband and I rarely fight.. mainly because he’s so laid back, its hard TO fight with him. But, Saturday he was watching the S.C. Gamecocks play football. In this house, he believes every gamecock game should be worthy of silence (except for his yelling and jumping around). However, I asked nicely if I could please go take a bath, alone. I had spent all week taking baths while someone stood over me throwing toys in the tub, running off with my wash-rag, trying to get in WITH me.. and I just wanted a bath.. He agreed…and off I went. I locked the bedroom door, knowing if I didnt, he would start watching the game and ignore the fact that my 2 yr was harassing me. So.. as I’m bathing I hear “Amie… Amie… seriously, you have to unlock the door”.. I get out of my bath and find my son and my husband standing there. I ask my husband “What is all over him?” My husband says “Poop”… Before he could say another word, I started yelling..”can you not quit watching that stupid game long enough to notice your son had a dirty diaper… this is ridiculous…he has poop on him..all because you couldn’t pry yourself away from a college football game.. you didn’t even GO to that college….I just wanted a bath”.. After all was cleaned up and steam quit coming out of my husbands ears he tells me the poop smearing had just happened.. he did see it happen.. he tried to stop it but it was too late and the little stinker was running FROM him. I’m subjected to that running daily, so I was humbled immediately… Needless to say, I spent the rest of the evening apologizing, although he said once was enough and the next time the Gamecocks play football, I think I’ll take Parker to the park!
Oh, Amie! I have done that before…so many times. Well, you know, not this EXACT situation. But basically the same. :) I’m glad your husband said you didn’t have to keep apologizing. My husband is laidback, too. It can be frustrating, but it’s really a blessing.
No, I’ve never overreacted like that. ;) Yes, I had to apologize last week, I think. When I’m tired (which I always am) overreacting is very easy to do. And sometimes my frustration is justified, but there is a time and a place and a way to confront my husband, and because I don’t normally confront him in the right way, I have to apologize. Thank God for forgiving husbands! Thanks for your willingness to share and show us that we’re not alone.
Great point. Sometimes we ARE right, but how we handle it is actually the issue.
That verse (at that time) made me laugh out loud! :)) It is so like God to do something like that!
As to your question — have you ever started a fight, only to realize later that you were the jerk? Um, more times than I can count! I guess we should just try focusing on the positives?? — Good job reading your Bible and apologizing! :)
For the record, I apologize often, but have really been slacking on the Bible reading. I don’t want it to sound like “I was reading my Bible, AS USUAL…” :)
Oh darlin’, happens all. the. time.
I’m never the jerk.
RIGHT.
:) great timing on this one friend… was a bit contentious this morning. But he started it!
RIGHT.
RIGHT…exactly.
I so wish this was just a rhetorical question. (slowly raising hand)
No…we haven’ t talked since. She wants to talk more about the whole thing and I want to forget it even happened. She says she has a hard time forgetting and holds grudges. I just move on.
Not sure how this is going to work out.
However, I am believing that God has things happen for a reason…we often don’t know the reason at the time but eventually it will be told. I am starting to think this happened for a reason…
It happens more often than I want to remember.
We’ve had fights over dinner before. My husband gets nervous whenever I make something brand new. One time, it was black bean soup. Sounds harmless, right? I had even told him the night before that I was going to make it. Then the next day, I make it and he tells me that it isn’t what he wanted, and I tell him that I made it and he should eat it. A fight ensues, and I even leave the apartment at one point.
Then we finally eat dinner, and he liked it.
And many profuse apologies were made.
We’ve had fights over dinner, too. Seemed so important then…not so much now!