Recently, my good friends decided to watch the three seasons of Veronica Mars on DVD. I was excited, of course, to have someone to discuss the many attributes of one of my very favorite shows of all time.
I would have been even more excited if I’d been able to watch it with them. But *sigh* it was not to be. Instead, I had to be content with asking every few weeks, “So, do you still love it? Isn’t it awesome?”
At one point, my friend mentioned that Logan, one of the main characters (for those of you unfortunate enough to have not watched it yet), was a real jerk. I said, in my infinite wisdom and maturity, “Just wait. He gets way cuter in season two.”
A few weeks later, my friend – having apparently started season two – said, “Umm, didn’t you say that he was going to get cuter? Because he’s still a pretty big jerk.”
And that’s when it hit me: She was never going to think Logan was cute, because she doesn’t like bad boys.
While I’ve never been so enamored of a “bad boy” that I poured myself into a black leather catsuit, teased my hair and took up smoking, I did take what felt like a big risk at the time when I started dating Mark. As one of our less-than-subtle classmates taunted shortly after our first date, “I can’t believe this! The troublemaker and the goody two shoes? Together?”
Yes, that’s right. I fell for the bad boy.
It’s been quite a while since anyone would consider him much of a troublemaker, but he definitely had some explaining to do back when I got up the nerve to tell my mom about his interesting past. The whole situation was a really big deal back in high school, but that was a long time ago. And I rarely even think of it now.
But after talking to my friend about Veronica Mars and the hot-or-not Logan, I started thinking about this “good girls like bad boys” thing. And I realized how many of my favorite movie and TV characters – the ones I root for and hope get the girl and just maybe wish I was “the girl” – are Bad Boys.
Then I thought back to my [much] younger days and thought of the boy I had a crush on in high school. (Before I started dating Mark, if you must ask about the timeline. But . . . maybe after, too. What can I say? It was high school.) That guy? From what I hear, he’s still playing the part of the bad boy.
What IS it with me? And, I suspect, with a lot of women. Based on the lengthy list of examples I came up with (with the help of TVTropes.org), this idea of a reformed bad boy holds a lot of appeal for a lot of us.
Some actors have even made entire careers by playing this character over and over. Think Pierce Brosnan in Remington Steele, the James Bond movies and even The Thomas Crown Affair. Or Harrison Ford as Han Solo and then Indiana Jones.
Why is this such a strong trend? Why do we fall for it? Why, as Roger Ebert asked in his review of Twilight, “do girls always prefer the distant, aloof, handsome, dangerous dudes instead of cheerful chaps like me?”
I don’t have any answers. And I don’t know that – for me, at least – it’s so terrible for me to admit that Uncle Jesse was way cuter than Uncle Joey and Neal Caffrey is attractive for more than his pretty blue eyes. However . . . when I think about my daughter and raising her with a healthy view of relationships . . . I’m a little worried.
What do you think about this? How do we encourage our daughters to [avoid a lot of heartbreak and] pursue “the good guys”? Do you have a thing for bad boys, a Danny Zuko complex, if you will? (And if you want to play along, who’s your favorite bad boy character?)
This post contains affiliate links. Also, if you’re a nerd like me (go ahead and admit it!), you might be interested in reading about the three slightly different types of bad boys, according to the highly entertaining and interesting and time-sucking TVTropes.org. You’ve got your choice: reformed rakes, troubled but cute, and lovable rogues.
HELLO, Patrick Swayze! I’ll be Sylvia to your Mickey any time!
Haha! You know I started singing that as soon as I saw your comment, right?
Oh my, that TVTropes is a time-suck, thanks for the links. ;-) While reading your post, I thought “I don’t really fall for bad boys,” but then I checked out tvtropes and found I actually tend toward “troubled but cute.” Who knew?!
I think it’s important to teach our kids, expecially our daughters who are drawn to bad boys, that you can’t change people. Yes bad boys can turn good–so date them when they’ve made the turnaround–you and all the love in the world can’t do the changing for them. And you deserve to be treated well. Oh how my heart ached for Rory on Gilmore Girls when she was into Jess. He treated her so badly. And Dean was such a sweetheart. And then Logan! Sheesh, girl made some BAD choices. (Sorry, went on a tangent there.)
I KNOW. Rory Gilmore did NOT make good dating choices! I guess she didn’t have a great role model, though, so… I think you are absolutely right about making sure we teach our kids that you can’t change people. That is a lesson I wish I’d learned sooner!
I think *most* girls like the bad boys because there’s more of a challenge…there’s more mystery…more fun. :) I, too, married the bad boy, and don’t know if I could pick a favorite from movies/tv. :)
Yep, I think you’re right. Mystery, challenge, fun – those are the things we tend to think of. And those are the parts we want to keep, even after the “bad” has been cleaned up! (Well, maybe not the challenge part…) :)
I used to go for the bad boys until I realized that they were exciting, but treated me… you guessed it… bad! (Which isn’t to say all bad boys are like that, but all the ones I encountered were.) So I chose and married a good boy. Maybe less exciting, but a lot sweeter overall :)
Absolutely! Sweet wins over excitement any day!
Oh, I dated someone who looked like the bad boy, long hair, hot rod and looked like a pothead (wasn’t), but he was a teddy bear underneath. Definitely had a heart of gold, and still with him over 30 years later!
Love this group of bad boy pics!
Bernice
A lucky winner and more!
The heart of gold is the key, isn’t it?
I’m a big fan of the bad boys even though my real life relationships say otherwise. As I was reading the start to your post I conjured up images and heart flutters thinking of Jess from Gilmore Girls and Johnny from Dirty Dancing. When I saw them in your collage I wanted to hug you. But!!!! Seeing the inclusion of Mal makes me want to propose to you! Haha
I couldn’t fit ALL the “bad boys” into the collage, but I made sure the best ones were in there! :)
OK, I have to admit that when you said “Uncle Jesse” I thought the Dukes of Hazzard. I should probably click on the link and find out what you really meant.
Because if it’s the Dukes of Hazzard’s Uncle Jesse, you’re going to have write a post just about that.
Ew!!! Uncle Jesse from Full House! John Stamos! Playing the drums and singing and playing with his nieces! Sheesh. Dukes of Hazzard. Wait until I tell my husband about that one – he’s going to love it! :)
A) I love that you have a pic of Nathan Fillion on your list of badboys. YUM.
B) I married a bad boy first and tried to turn him into a nice guy. Didn’t work. However on husband #2, I am making remarkable progress with turning the nice guy into a bad boy. (He’s getting a tattoo for his valentine’s present from me. SQUEEEE!!!!!
C) I sincerely hope my daughters look at the character of a man no matter what he does. Just like your Mark, it’s the inside of their heart that matters, not the scrapes they have managed to get into! lol
You are so funny. Yes, Nathan Fillion = awesome. However, I have to say while tattoos might occasionally seem attractive on other men, I’m kind of glad Mark doesn’t have any!
Hi Mary, I recently found your blog from your Friday First comment on Christina’s site. REALLY like it, have bookmarked it and will come back and visit often. Thanks so much for writing what you do!!
Roz, thank you so much for your kind words!
I’m a good girl who tends to be more attracted to the bad boys…at least on TV and in the movies. In real life, I’m much too practical and discerning to let myself date a bad boy. It must be the social worker in me. But I think if I met Sawyer in real life, all my rules would go right out the window!
I do like my real life guys to have a bit of an edge. At least a tattoo or rogue political belief! I’m just not interested in vanilla, no matter how nice they may be.
That makes me think of the State Farm insurance commercial where the girls “wish” for a cute guy, then a nice cute guy, then a nice cute guy with an edge. Have you seen it? (Yes, my brain does always go to TV. It’s just inevitable.) :)
Oh man, I could get really philosophical right now, but I’ll refrain. I will say, my husband was a bad boy. However, I didn’t start dating him till he had just started cleaning up his act. We both agree that there was no way I would have gone for him before that – I don’t do bad boys. But, I do love that he has retained his “risky” side and adds a lot more adventure into our lives because of it.
You get philosophical all you want! I actually planned to myself, but then got distracted while writing this – and it turned into something completely different! My husband had cleaned up his act greatly when we met, although the road has still been rough because of our different backgrounds and the basic beliefs we brought into the relationship.
Your posts are always so funny and so real…. I am right there with ya when it comes to the bad boys. I haven’t a clue why us women are attracted to them because they definitely aren’t the right type of a guy to settle down with….LOL. I have 3 teenage daughters who are all dating and I am constantly telling them what to look out for (I don’t dare tell them what attracted me when I was a teenager) So far so good when it comes to my girls though. I have often told them that Character Counts BIG…. How does he treat his Mother and Sisters….. Does he have a close relationship with God on his own….. and make sure he thinks of others and isn’t selfish. There are other suggestions I give them but it is definitely scarry when we have girls that we are concerned about when they date. I also have a son who is 14 and I am trying to train him to be the man that would make another Mom proud to have as a Son-In-Law….
Anne, that’s so smart to give them specific things to look for when evaluating a guy’s character. I love that.
I think Dany Zuko was my first crush. :) And that began my crush on a boy in my Kindergarten class who even at 5 was a “bad” boy. A move 2 states away and dating a couple of nice guys in high school and my early 20s, and I still ended up marrying that same bad boy from my kindergarten class. I have learned that breaking some habits are hard to do when they have been there for a lifetime, but with the Lord anything is possible and my bad boy is slowly becoming the man who God intends him to be while still keeping his love for adventure and spontaneity and wonderful caring heart that I love so much.
Wow! Sometimes life really does come full circle, doesn’t it? I’m glad to hear that God is continuing to work in your husband’s life – that’s amazing!
I LOVE Veronica Mars! But Logan…. he’s an un-redeemable bad boy, even though he gets a little better here and there during the 2nd season. I really like your bad boy picture collage :)
I think it’s important for us and our daughters to discern fact from fiction-while on TV the bad boys can change and become good, in real life, not usually.
True (about Logan). And also true about helping our children discern fact from fiction. That is a great lesson for many topics, not just romantic love!
I was drawn to those ‘bad boys,’ too, but I ended up marrying a sweetheart. He treats me like a queen, but surprise! surprise! has also turned out to be more exciting, daring, and adventurous than I had expected. I think that’s what I was really after, and what all of us women want: a man who has the strength to stand up tall, go against the flow, and keep things interesting and fun.
Like Anne of Green Gables said in the movie: “Well, I wouldn’t want to marry a man who’s really wicked. But I think I’d like it if he COULD be wicked, and wouldn’t.”
Oooh, I love that quote!