A couple weeks ago we had a playdate with some friends. As five of our kids ran back and forth between two bedrooms and got busy pulling every toy in the house into the play room, my two friends and I sat and chatted.
After a while – in the middle of a conversation – Annalyn interrupted, demanding my attention and then requiring my direction. When she didn’t obey right away, I snapped at her and sent her to sit on the steps for a time out.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her inching up the stairs while staring me down with all the attitude a three-going-on-thirteen-year-old can manage. “Get down here right now!” I hollered.
Not once did I get up off the floor and go to her. Not until it was time to pull her into a bedroom and have a talk about her misbehavior.
As I sat back down and resumed my conversation with my friends, I wasn’t embarrassed that they’d seen my child act up. And I wasn’t worried about their reaction to my talk with her. But I did realize that the whole problem could have been avoided if I’d just gotten off the floor.
I’ve read all the articles. I know the benefit of getting on her level and talking in a firm but gentle voice. But here’s the thing: I’m lazy.
Left to my own devices, instincts and general nature, I will sit on the couch for hours on end. Day after day. For-ev-er. And not only is that bad for my desire to fit into my jeans, but it’s also bad for my desire to be a good mom.
Sometimes I’m literally sitting on the sidelines, hollering down the hall while holding down a corner of my couch. But other times, I’m with Annalyn but not really with her. I’m reading a magazine during lunch instead of chatting with her, I’m sneaking peeks at my e-mail while she’s “reading” me a story, and I’m kidding myself that two hours of TV and 15 minutes of playtime outside is good enough.
Either way, it’s no good. And I’ve got to do better.
After all, I’ve seen what happens when you space out around that kid. If you’re my husband, you end up wearing a purple tiara and agreeing that yes, he is a pretty, pretty princess.
A few ideas I’ve had to curb my laziness:
- Take Annalyn to the park for an hour after my aerobics class on Mondays and Fridays. After all, I’ll already be sweaty.
- Do a counting or ABC worksheet after lunch every day (while I wait for her to need to go potty one more time before naptime).
- Limit morning TV time to an hour – instead of letting it stretch into two.
- Make a list of summer activities to accomplish before Labor Day, ala Meg Duerksen.
I often have great intentions and, um, less-than-great follow-through. But yesterday we made play-dough, we had a princess tea party and I got down on the floor with her to play. Instead of staying up on the couch. Which is what I prefer.
We may have still played a 15-minute round of The Sleep Game (where she pretends to be my mommy and tucks me in for a nap). But come on! That’s a hard habit to break.
Do you ever struggle with parenting from the couch? How do you break out of that parenting rut?
This hits close to home. I am trying to read to my kids more. I used to read to my big kids all the time when they were little, but somewhere around kid 4 or 5 I stopped doing that regularly. I know that actual attention does so much more to encourage good behavior than yelling from the couch. Sometimes it is an hour-to-hour choice to do the best thing.
Isn’t that true of so much of parenting? (hour-to-hour choice to do the best thing)! :)
aw so cute and so true! Sometimes it’s just easier to busy myself behind my blog or my businesses and the little one gets stuck with the tv.
And his temperament is so much worse when I’m a zombie mom . Balance is definitely key.
“Zombie mom” is a great way to describe it!
I am TOTALLY going to introduce the sleep game this afternoon!
I find that bringing my children into what I need to accomplish makes them feel very imporatant. For example, cooking together, working in the garden, sweeping the garage…okay, so they usually ride bikes the, but at least they are active! We take a walk almost every evening after dinner then hit the showers. Also, I keep my eyes alert to “kids nights” at local restaurants, bowling, etc. when there are bounce houses or other child-friendly activities.
The number one thing to cut tv time for us was cutting the cable! Now I have to monitor my firstborn’s gaming time…which is a challenge indeed.
FYI – my location of choice is parenting from the recliner. Another FYI – more than one child gives them another person with whom to play and interact…I’m very grateful for the ‘break’ siblings give this mama.
I definitely wish for a sibling some days! But for now, Annalyn loves “helping” me with everyday chores, and it’s a great way for us to spend time together (while I get to be productive).
I loved this line: “After all, I’ve seen what happens when you space out around that kid. If you’re my husband, you end up wearing a purple tiara and agreeing that yes, he is a pretty, pretty princess.”
HA!!!
And ONLY 15 minutes of the sleep game??? If the kids would let me, I’d play for 2 hours! :-D
I think we all struggle with this from time to time. The hardest thing for me (surprise, surprise) is the internet. I could easily spend all day typing away or reading away, while the kids “play” downstairs, then yelling at them (from upstairs) to stop fighting and never leave my office…but at least they’re “playing”…right? But because I know that I have those tendencies and time just gets away from me, I had to force myself not to turn on the computer until after lunch (occasionally this gets broke, but for no more than 30 minutes and only when I really need something!) and I had to tell the kids no tv during the day except on Saturday. For my own discipline.
I can tell you, I’ve noticed a huge difference in their behavior since. See, the kids have learned that my husband won’t get up the first time, or the second…or even the third. They know that until he’s raised his voice to X-level, they are safe from retribution. But when I interact with them, they listen to me on the 1st time because Mommy means business! I know when I’ve been an “arm-chair mama” too long because they stop listening to me on the first time.
So anyway, all that to say, we all struggle with it, but if you can work out some way to keep away from the temptation and be active with your kids (kid in your case), the results are phenomenal.
And now I have to turn off the computer…. ;-D
I do better when I stick to my computer rules, too. It was definitely easier when she was in preschool. I’m still trying to find a new summertime balance!
I love my couch way too much. Thankfully I don’t have a wee one yet to contend with, but I probably need to make myself more motivated to do stuff not on the couch.
The good news is that when they’re small, they don’t know if you’re on the couch. And really, if you’re snuggling them while you’re there, I think they like it. ;)
This is definitely something I struggle with! I have found that the best solution for us is to get out of the house…when I’m home I just too tempted to turn on the TV for them and do my own thing.
Great point about getting out of the house. I do a lot better when I plan ahead of time and THEN get out of the house. ;)
Excellent reminder! Adding this to my Saturday Shoutouts this week–in hopes that my daughter will read it and take it to heart.
Taking it to heart is the hard part, isn’t it?!
Oh my word, YES. I have done this too many times to count, and it’s a little humbling and embarrassing to admit. I am proud of you, though, for noticing this and for admitting all of our weaknesses for us. :) For me, these days, it wouldn’t be so much sitting on the couch (my girls are bigger than me now!), but parenting from behind the computer. Ugh. I just have to shut it down and walk away and really pay attention. Great post, Mary!
I’m there too!!! Actually, like Shelly W, I parent too much from behind the computer. I knew it was bad when my kids started calling it my favorite child. Who cares that I was doing the Lord’s work. I wasn’t fulfilling the Lord’s mission!
Anyway, they now accept that I need a few hours each day to get work done. They have actually started (it’s taken years) to do chores while I work. I am being more intentional.
We do go to the pool.
We do play board games.
We even go bowling (check out http://www.kidsbowlfree.com — and mention my email if you sign up for free summer bowling!!!)
But we can’t do it all every day. Balance — following God’s lead. That’s the key.
God bless you!
Yeah…my daughter has told me more than once to turn off the computer. [Insert guilt HERE.] I think we’ll try bowling this summer for the first time – and I’m still hoping to put together a summer to-play list!
WOW … this is something that I have VERY MUCH SO struggled with. I work full time but had this month off and I’ve been so ashamed of myself for being on the couch so much and not taking time to truly appreciate my special time with my very special girl. I kind of did like you … I started making it a point to GET OUT at least once in the morning and once at night. I know that’s difficult, but when we’re out in the store, I do pay attention to her more. Or, if we go to the splash park, she’s 100% of my attention. Leaving the couch is not only a good parenting technique, but it was good for ME too…it made me feel less lazy.
My problem is that after dinner they get to watch TV and I sit down with my laptop and lose track of time…and my kids end up not going to bed until waaaay too late.
OUCH. My toes hurt. ;)
Seriously, this is something I’m SO guilty of. Sometimes I feel so dang tired that I just throw it all out the window. My boys deserve better. Thank you for reminding me.
I came over from Kelly’s Korner and have to agree that it’s hard to get off the couch sometimes. Hubs and I both work with special needs children through our jobs as teachers during the day and we need some time to relax, however, we have a 2 year old who is very active. Now that’s she’s into different TV shows, it’s hard to NOT let her just watch them as we are tired. But it’s not good for any of us.
Another problem is this CRAZY heat! We live in Mid Missouri and the heat has been at or over 100 for a long time, not including the nasty heat index that makes it feel like a sauna. We did a great job with walking when the weather was cooler and we have a brand new swing set in the backyard, plus two parks at both ends of our long street that are easy to walk to. I hate that we aren’t out there walking (I need it just as much as she does!) but I just can’t make her go out in this heat. You sweat going from the car to the house.
I think it’s about routine – once one is started, it’s hard to get back into it. I actually look forward to her going back to daycare (as long as we can find a new one!) so that she has friends to play with and a change in our summer routine. And that we have one too! We might be tired again, but we’ll definitey enjoy our time with our daughter more. And once school starts, temps start to decrease and it’ll provide activities to go to – Friday night football games are GREAT and so are any other school sponsored sport, plus as a teacher, I get in free. :-) And even better, as a teacher, I know many girls that love to entertain my daughter and will take her off and play with her – cheerleaders are the best at this and they’ll walk her around, parading her to their friends. Yes, I can’t wait for school fun to start so we get detached from the TV!!! Good luck changing your routine! :)
Ouch! That hit close to home. It’s very true. Some days I am so tired, but truth of the matter my kids deserve better. Thanks for the motivation. Thanks for sharing!
I am one of them. I’ve been lazy. I spent 15 minutes playing with my girls, and 2 hours on working. That is not right. Honestly in my heart I felt horrible every time that happened, but instead of doing what’s right, I just kept doing what I thought I “should work now, and can play later.” But yeah… That “playing later” never comes.
Thank you for this reminder. I need to chance it.
I know what you mean, Helen. Work of all kinds seems to take precedence over playing. And sometimes that’s necessary. But in those times when it’s not…that’s when I need to remember what really matters!
My daughter, who has a 2 and a half year old daughter and one on the way. She has a few personality disorders and she parents from the couch or bed. She rarely gets out of bed or off the couch. My grand daughter is raising herself. She spends no quality time with her and has sat her in front of the TV since she was born. My grand baby changes her own diaper (yes, even the dirty ones) gets her own food from the cupboard which is alway junk food and does everything from the bed or couch as my daughter won’t move to do anything with her. It’s a very rare occasion that they get outdoors or play with anything together. My grand daughter is being trained to step and fetch so,that when the new baby comes my daughter won’t have to move. My grand daughter is also locked in her room several times a day so that my daughter doesn’t have to deal with her. She is neglected but. It enough so that anyone with any authority can do something about it. I am just sick over this and feel horrible that there’s another baby on the way who,has to also be neglected. My daughter thinks she’s a great mom!!!