Last night Mark made dinner. If the grill isn’t fired up, that almost always means spaghetti. Not that he can’t cook other things, but spaghetti is definitely Mark’s specialty.
Or, more accurately, spaghetti is the meal that he most likes to make. Because he likes the way he makes – and doesn’t like the way I make it.
It’s not like we eat gourmet spaghetti in our house. Spaghetti is not a complicated dish. It’s boiling pasta and pouring sauce from a jar.
A particular jar, mind you. We have tried other sauces, but we are a Prego family through and through. I’ve suggested I use the closer-to-homemade sauce that I use in my lasagna. But Mark says no. The jar it is.
Perhaps you’re wondering, given the incredibly simple formula [that can’t even be called a recipe] we follow, how much difference could there be between my spaghetti and his?
Worlds.
[No, of course not! Me? Sarcastic? NEVER.]
See, for years (YEARS!), Mark and I had horrible fights about spaghetti. Whenever he made it, I would critique him. And . . . let’s just say I wasn’t exactly generous in my evaluations.
I didn’t like the way he made spaghetti. It took him FOREVER. And he left the HUGEST mess all over the kitchen. And I just wasn’t sure he drained the meat.
Finally, after years of yelling at my husband about the splatters all over the stove and “Why on earth does it take you so long to cook it?!” I realized something: Mark’s spaghetti was WAY better than mine.
He had figured out the whole let-the-sauce-simmer thing, and it turns out that simmering – which took forEVER and made the nastiest, cooked-on mess – was the secret to delicious spaghetti.
But simmering and spaghetti and sauce really isn’t the point. The point is that I finally figured out to let my husband be his own person. It turns out that there are many ways to make spaghetti – and hang bath towels – and fold pants – and play with a three-year-old – and organize the file cabinet. And, it turns out, his way is okay, too.
So last night, when he offered to make dinner (read: spaghetti), I simply said, “Okay, sounds great!” And while his sauce was simmering, I ran to the grocery store to get garlic toast. Then, when I realized that he had overcooked the pasta and added green peppers to the sauce, I smiled and said, “Thank you for fixing dinner, honey.”
The amazing part is that I truly was thankful he cooked dinner. And I didn’t even grumble when I scrubbed the sauce off the stove top.
That’s not to say we didn’t argue over the right sauce to pasta ratio or the proper way to store leftovers. We’re not perfect, you know.
Every time I give up on the perfect bowl of spaghetti, I’m really taking one step closer to a better marriage. They sure never mentioned that in all those marriage books I’ve read.
How do you like your spaghetti? Do you have any silly fights like this with your husband? What have you given up on being perfect lately?
I loved this post! there are definitely ways B and I do things VERY differently, and it’s taken a long time for us to just let it lie as well. I love learning that lesson though…and I know this may make you fall off your chair, but I thought I’d share anyway: OUR MARRIAGE ISN’T PERFECT EITHER. I’ll give you a second to process. (ha ha!)
Nooooooooooo. Really? :)
Your husband actually OFFERS to make dinner???!!!??? You are one lucky woman! :-D
Only when he wants spaghetti. :) But yes, I am!
I like my spaghetti with all kinds of mushrooms and chunky veggies in it. My husband, on the other hand, likes to buy plain marinara sauce instead. I think our main silly little fight is – ahem – over how many reserve rolls it is necessary to keep in the bathroom cabinet. I figured one would do it. My husband wasts us to be even more prepared than that. I gave up trying to be “right” on this one quite a while ago. As long as it’s not empty, I’ll be a happy camper!
It’s the little things, isn’t it? (Although, in your husband’s defense, running out of toilet paper is not necessarily a little thing. Not that I’d know. Not that I”ve done that…more than once…! Haha!)
My husband and I are the same with spaghetti. He makes his because he likes it better BUT I love this. I love it becuase when we have spaghetti, I know he is going to make it and I don’t have to do so. I grew up a Ragu gal, but now we use Paul Newman Sockarooni. Go figure.
I also had to learn that there are many ways to do things with our daughter. It is fascinating to find out what he has dressed her in if I don’t lay out clothes. It’s not bad…just usually different :)
Yes, I am thankful that I learned early on (although I need reminding often) that as long as she is safe and loved, he really can’t do any damage to our daughter by doing things differently. However, it frustrates him to no end to try to dress her, so I just do it (or lay out clothes). Everyone is happier that way in our house! :)
i loved this post, i was laughing and awing at the end lesson!
Thanks, Courtney! :)
I hear ya. After 10 years of marriage my husband has decided to try his hand at cooking and I love it (not having to cook), but I just am not sure how long it will last.
Wow – that’s a big change after 10 years! Good for him…and you!
Amen to this. Spaghetti has become my hubby’s specialty too! It may not be the day long, homade dish I made, but he does a superb job cooking my gluten free pasta & I’ve grown fond of the canned sauce…DelMonte w/mushrooms. But mostly I enjoy being cooked for:) Now that he’s retired I’ve had to adjust to things being done a little different, well sometimes a whole lot different. Knowing & accepting he is just “loving” me in his own way, has helped me “give up on perfect” more graciously. Though I’m stlll waiting on my sheets not to be tucked in so hard & having the top of the sheet folded over the blankets. But he does whip up a good bowl of spaghetti on days I work:D
A bed made wrong is still a bed made, right? :)
Lol. Me and the hubby aren’t willing to admit that either of us make something better than the other. So we cook dinner together. =) I love it.
Great solution to that problem!
My husband and I use to get into these crazy fights over making the bed. *The bed.* Because, I grew up with a very particular way of making the bed {thanks Grandma for the OCD!}. And he? He figured the bed was made if the sheets and comforter were on it. So every single morning, we fought over the bed. How he did such a horrible, horrible job, my way was right and clearly he didn’t love me and was totally immature for not learning how to make a bed the proper way. Whew. That’s a lot of fussy to cram into a 15 minute time frame.
Anyways, one day we are making the bed and I am biting my lip trying not to say something. And then I explode. I belittle him for doing such a horrible job, again, and tell him to just stop. He looks at me and says “At least I made it. Doesn’t that count for something?”. Dang…. That stopped my sassy butt in my tracks. Since then, we {read :: me} have learned to let “bed making” things go and just appreciate that the other person is putting forth the effort. Cause really, it’s a bed.
Oh my gosh, Sarah – favorite comment of the week! This is SO honest and …well… just like us. My sassy butt needs to be stopped in its tracks SO often. Still. Again.
I absolutely loved this post and I’m sorry it took me so long to remember to say so! We were actually going through a rough spot in our marriage at the time you posted this, and I’ve kept it up in my browser to keep re-reading whenever I got the chance. And seriously that very same night, we’d argued about a dinner Tim made that I didn’t care for how he’d done it. I caught myself criticizing and then, of course, trying to realize that I was beating him up for the very type of thing many wives I know would just ADORE for their husbands to even attempt. And the fact that we do it differently just shows our personalities, it doesn’t mean that we have to be perfectly in-sync, but I often get this warped since that everyone else is so why can’t we be too?!
Thank you for helping me see things differently… that we our individuals with different ideas, and that’s okay. That Tim’s spaghetti or tacos or mac n cheese are just fine the way that they are. Thank you friend, I needed this post. That night, and many times since!!
I have such a hard time with this issue. Criticizing just seems to come naturally for me! I’m working on it, but UGH, it is not easy. I’m glad to hear my story helped you with your own dinner struggle. Here’s to a week full of loving words and encouragement for our awesome husbands!
I have adopted a similar philosophy. It doesn’t matter how my husband helps out and does things just as long as he does them and his was ok.
I’ve tried to just let things go – but I’m also still waiting for my husband to help with the laundry and cooking lol.
I love how you took such a positive angle with this writing prompt! It IS okay to let them do things their way!
I love that you’ve found a way to just let it be. I nitpick over silly stuff (things that don’t always seem silly in the moment, of course) but realizing that his way really is a viable way — an alternative — and not just mocking MY way…it helps. Sure, it took years, and 10 years in I’m still biting my tongue sometimes, but as long as it gets done, ultimately I’m good w/that.
Hey, in the scheme of a lifetime together, 10 years isn’t so bad! :)
There may be many ways to make spaghetti, but there is only one correct way to fold and hang towels.
I think the hardest thing is letting go and saying thank you.
I agree on the towels. Although I think I might finally be to the point that if my husband folded towels, I’d simply be happy enough to ignore his actual technique!
It is awesome that you can let go and let him do things his way. I have a hard time with that-especially when my kitchen looks like a tornado hit it when he’s done cooking. And the fact he always spills food on the floor and leaves it-because stepping on a piece of onion at 2 in the morning when I’m getting milk for one of my kids is not fun.
Oh yuck. Onion on the floor is never good. For the record, though, I sometimes let go and let him do things his way. The rest of the time, I’m a crazy person who insists on being right and in control. I’m a work in progress for sure!
this sounds like my husband and tater tot casserole. A dish I did not even know existed until I got married. I tries putting veggies in it once, and you would have thought the world had ended! oops.
I would imagine trying to add veggies to a tater tot casserole IS pretty much a moot point. ;)
Yeah! Another Mama Kat writer about hubby’s cooking!
In our house, it’s quite the opposite. I had to learn to cook for him, after he spent summers cooking to put himself through college. Talk about expectations! We are brand loyal to tomato sauce too, and it’s not Prego.
My husband worked as a cook briefly, too (although nothing fancy – it as actually at an Applebee’s). That didn’t stop him, though, from thinking that he knows SO much about cooking! Haha!
You just gave me a lightbulb moment. YES, I hate when my Husband cooks because he too leaves the biggest ^&(*&^% mess in the kitchen and then I *STILL* have to do the dishes as if I’d cooked anyways. But… BUT…. his meals are always way more creative than mine. Guess I need to go apologize.
Aw, man! Don’t you hate realizing you were wrong – or at least in need of apologizing? :) Like I remind myself, a husband who cooks (even if he leaves a huge mess) is still a darned good husband!