For the past six months, my life has been . . . complicated. Messy. Full of stuff. And even though a lot of that stuff has been hard and all of it has been challenging, some of it has certainly been good. But all of it put together has felt overwhelming, to say the least.
The least is about all I can say about it, though. Because as much as I talk and write (and I talk and write a LOT), I don’t actually share everything with everyone.
As a blogger, it’s not always easy to figure out what to say, what to share – and what to keep to myself. Sometimes it’s simple; the story isn’t mine – or isn’t only mine – to tell, so I don’t. Other times, the story is still working itself out or one I still don’t understand well enough to put into words on a printed page or screen. But other times, I work out my feelings about an issue by writing, I grow into a stronger person by writing, and I find the ability to let go of things by writing. And it’s just not always easy to figure out what kind of “time” this is.
The problem of not writing through all my feelings and experiences – when they’re not mine to share or they’re too fresh or hard or complicated to put into words just yet – is that even if I’m not writing about something, it’s still camping out in my heart and my head, taking up a whole lot of thinking and processing and feeling space. And that doesn’t leave a whole lot of space or energy for blog-appropriate subjects.
In short, it’s hard to write when life gets hard.
See, I’ve got things to say, important (to me) things. But when I sit down to write, all I can think of are the things that I can’t say. And so what comes out is, at best, inconsistent and, at worst, non-existent.
Life is finally starting to calm down a bit, or straighten out a little, or feel a little less overwhelming. Some things have gotten better, while the sting of some things has faded a little over time. And as for the chaos that has moved into my life, I guess I’m just getting used to it. So as we move into the fall (yay! fall!), I have every intention of writing more, writing deeper, writing better.
Of course, I realize by saying that, I might be tempting fate to throw a catastrophe of some sort my way. And really, no phase of life is without its challenges and even its drama. Perhaps it would be better for me to just learn how to write when life gets hard.
So let’s discuss this. If you’re a writer – of blog posts, of books, of Facebook statuses – how do you balance the private and the public? How do you decide what to share and what to keep quiet? And when you have a lot you’re not sharing, how do you keep writing anyway?
How do you keep writing when life gets hard?
This post was inspired by this post by Hollywood Housewife and this post by Sarah Markley, on top of my actual experience this year.
When life gets hard for me, I tend to stop writing publicly too. I can journal or share my thoughts with close, in-real-life friends, but I don’t share it all publicly. If it involves another person I know wouldn’t mind me sharing, then I do, but it depends on the topic. I want to be honoring and gracious in the way I speak about my husband publicly, so when we are on the outs, I either won’t post for a while because I can’t find the right words to say, or I’ll write fluff just to show I’m still around, or I’ll just post pictures. Needless to say, I can’t find any words to post on my blog right now. I know how you feel — differently of course, but I can relate.
I have all but stopped writing this past year. Since our move from California to Washington last July my brain has made it impossible to form coherent sentences. Every time I sat down to blog my brain seemed to flatline. It was frustrating, to say the least. A year later, my head still has this problem. I thought maybe God was taking writing away from me. Your words here (as they often do for me) ring true & familiar. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough six months, and I rejoice with you at what seems a lull in the chaos. You said, “The problem of not writing through all my feelings and experiences – when they’re not mine to share or they’re too fresh or hard or complicated to put into words just yet – is that even if I’m not writing about something, it’s still camping out in my heart and my head, taking up a whole lot of thinking and processing and feeling space.” That’s my problem too. And so right now I’m focusing on reviving my journaling so I can at least get them out of my head. I feel out-of-touch with myself, because writing is such an introspective process for me. I find your post so encouraging! Thanks, Mary!
Like the ladies above, I journal to help me process my real-life-drama/problems/chaos/disorder. Sometimes I share in my blog, more often not. By the time I share on my blog, I’ve usually worked out the way I feel about a situation. Anonymity does help me some, since very few real-life friends read my blog. It sounds to me like you have a healthy balance.
Keeping up the blog is tough when we are consumed elsewhere in life. That’s okay. Those experiences will provide fodder for meaningful material at some point – you can count on it!
I love you, Mary Carver. For all I DO know, I know there’s more I DON’T know, so, first….{{hugs}}.
Second, “…there is a time…” Both to write and not write; not writing is okay.
Third, you will NEVER regret NOT publishing something for which you have reservation. If you’re hesitant, it’s for good reason, a gut check, a spirit nudge…something. Listen to it.
Maybe just share things you’re reading, whether a link to another blog, a passage of text from a great book, etc. A youtube….
I’m there with you; a million things I’d like to write, but a quiet time in general for a while. And yet, I can’t put my blog down for good.
So…..
there is a time…..
xo
Finding the motivation to write seems to be a common topic among bloggers right now. Perhaps it’s because the exciting flurry of starting a new blog has worn into another chore after a couple of years. Perhaps it’s because our lives change and the outlet blogging provided is no longer needed. Or perhaps, as in your case, the lifestyle change is too personal to share with the world. The good thing about blogging for fun is that unlike most of the rest of our lives, it is our choice whether we do it or not. I hope things work out for you and you get your mojo back. :)
I don’t like this post, it’s too convicting! I tell everyone way too much. :( Not so much writing publicly, although sometimes, but more just telling verbally (or via chat) everyone I know. It’s a problem. :( I wonder how many relationships I hurt by doing that. :(
Funny thing: I was going to tell you that you should link up with Sarah. Looks like she actually inspired you. :)
I’m generally guilty of under-sharing, but then I worry that I’ll give the wrong impression of my life if I only show the good stuff. (Doggone it, you just undid me with that greasy Sonic bag in your Instagram stream!) Today my dog wet the carpet and I think I went semi-psychotic with that added on top of all the school I was trying to get done with the kids, including a science project (culturing bacteria in pond water) that has to be started today.
I have no idea how to balance all of that, except to say that I write about ME. I don’t have the right to write others’ experiences, but I DO have the right to write about me–my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. But, even with that, there is a lot I choose not to write about because I know it will affect others, so I try to find what in the experience really does have to do with me. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about being thankful after learning some really hard stuff about some people close to me. Not sure that makes sense, but I hope it does.
Just know that I care and I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time lately.
I write a lot of things I never publish… free writing, prayer writing, scripture writing (or copying, I guess, as the case may be). I find it so hard to create something when I’m spending so much energy figuring out something or worrying about something or ignoring something. But it’s usually after I’ve done that writing… freed up the mental and emotional space it was taking in my brain and heart, I’m able to write write, you know? Write for you, for the clarity, for the therapy of it, for God… then when you’re done with that, you can write for everyone else. :)
Thanks, Karen. I’ve never actually been a consistent journaler, but I think that developing that practice would help me feel better and write better.