You know how sometimes you leave a conversation, replaying it in your head until it becomes something much bigger than it really was? And how the only way to get better perspective is to dictate the entire conversation to a good friend, including facial expressions, voice intonations and awkward pauses of all parties involved? And how you most often get one of two responses?
You know, either, “Oh, please,” (as in, “That wasn’t bad at all! You’re fine. FINE.”) or “Oh, honey,” (as in, “That was bad. BAD. I am cringing for you right now. Really, you should probably hide out for a day or twelve. That was…I just…oh, honey.”)?
I got “Oh, honey”-ed at Blissdom last week.
Before I dive into this shameful tale, though, I should remind you of my sad tendency to get WEIRD when I meet famous (or blog famous) people at Blissdom. I cried (CRIED!) the first time I met a famous blogger, and the only thing I could spit out when I met Harry Connick, Jr. was, “Thank you.” (Which, for the record, is still better than what I was thinking, which was, “You have surprisingly small hands!” Admittedly, though, “thank you” is extremely lame.)
But in my defense, I have met other famous people without crying, babbling, hyperventilating or otherwise acting inappropriately. Just so you know.
That may not have been the case at Blissdom this year…
Let me tell you what happened.
Oh wait, you need more back story. FINE. I’ll tell you the whole thing. (Why do you make me do this?)
I started reading Stuff Christians Like early on in my blog life. I’ve read all the books Jon Acuff has written, pretty much all his blog posts on both of his blogs, and I’ve seen him speak – both in videos and in person. I think he’s hilarious and honest and alternately inspiring and convicting on Serious Wednesday.
So basically, I’m a big fan.
And that’s okay, right? That’s not embarrassing or weird. I’m allowed to be a fan of a writer. Right?
Here’s where it starts getting embarrassing…
So last year, Jon Acuff spoke at Blissdom. Right before his keynote I was talking to my friend Dedra, who was on staff with the conference and worked with all the speakers. I said, “Oh, I’m so excited for this! I’m a huge fan of Jon Acuff!” (or something reasonable like that). And SHE said, “Well, come on! I’ll introduce you!”
You guys. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I PANICKED. I totally freaked out! I said, [not at all] calmly, “No, I couldn’t. No. I…just…no. NO. I’ve got to go. I…um…bye!”
I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.
Later that morning I managed to get it together long enough to stand in line to meet him and have his book, Quitter, signed. I tried desperately to think of something funny to say when I got up to the front of the line, but while that’s not normally THAT difficult, the funny escaped me.
I don’t remember what I said, but it must have been some kind of awesome. Because when I met him again this year, he said, “Have we met before?”
Sadly, it was Harry Connick all over again, because all I had to say in response to that was, “Yeah.”
Meanwhile, my friend and roommate Jill carried on an entire conversation with him. An interesting, funny conversation. While I stood there, awkwardly. Oh so awkwardly.
This isn’t actually the “oh, honey” part, though. (But wait! There’s more!)
The following night was Girls Night Out, a party at the resort’s club-slash-trendy-restaurant. As most of these parties are, this GNO was loud and crowded and, at least temporarily, home to many more people than chairs. Lots of people had a ton of fun, but these types of events aren’t really my thing.
Nevertheless, I was glad Jill convinced me to go to the party. I’d shoved myself into a horribly binding combination of too-small tights, spanx and faux-wool skirt, and though I might’ve been overly warm (and unable to sit down comfortably, if you must know), I sure looked cute!
I got some food, enjoyed a very tasty ConAgra-tini (or two), and heard Amber Riley from Glee tear.it.up on stage. I caught up with some old friends and even managed to make a new one (not so easy when music is pounding so loud you can FEEL IT INSIDE YOUR BODY). And then I was pretty much done.
Before I could convince Jill to go back to the hotel – or at least give me my room key and phone, because she lost the who’s-going-to-carry-a-purse-tonight lottery – we noticed that Jon Acuff was at the party. She, of course, didn’t hesitate and went over to talk to him again. I did not.
But then – then! – I decided I couldn’t keep being so ridiculous. So I walked over to him to chat for a minute. I waited for a couple other people to finish up and then said hello.
THIS IS WHERE THINGS REALLY STARTED GOING WRONG.
You guys. You know how sometimes you can say things and they can be taken two different ways? As in, a normal way and…um…a BAD way? Right. Yes. This is how our conversation went:
Me: Hi there! I just wanted to say hello. I really enjoyed your session this morning.
Him: Oh, thanks. Have we met before?
Me: Heh heh. That’s what you said last night.
Him: *awkward stare*
Me: I mean, haha! I’m just kidding. Well, you DID say that last night, but I was just kidding. Ummmm…
Him: Oh, right! You were with the girl who said I was from The Voice, right?
Me: Yeah! She’s so funny. She’s my roommate.
Him: Yeah, and she [he proceeded to list off several personal facts about Jill then].
Me: Um, yes. Gosh. You guys are totally best friends now! I thought she was my best friend!
Him: Well, I hate to break it to you…
Me: *totally normal laughter*
Him: So, what do people do now? Go back to the hotel?
Me: Well, I want to go back to the hotel!
Him: *more awkward staring*
Me: I mean, it’s loud and crowded and…well, it was nice to meet you! Bye!
Now you might be thinking about saying, “Oh, please.” As in, that conversation wasn’t weird at all and I’m probably exaggerating because that’s what I do and who cares anyway and hey, at least he remembered you.
But I told a friend about the whole conversation right after it happened, word for word, and you know what she said?
You guessed it: “Oh, HONEY.”
Lots of people have written great posts about all the things they learned or enjoyed at Blissdom. I’m planning on sharing a bit of that, too. But I couldn’t even begin to process all that good stuff until I told you this story. Because, really, if there were a how-to guide for giving up on perfect when meeting someone you really admire, I’m pretty sure I NAILED IT.
The how-to guide. Not…OH MY WORD, MAKE IT STOP.
{Please. Feel free to top my story of humiliation.}
You are just so cute and funny. I just love you. Thanks for sharing the story – it really made me just giggle the whole time.
“That’s what you said last night.” <—- LOL!
Right? WHO SAYS THAT???
I started reading your blog and Stuff Christians Like at about the same time, so to me, you’re both the cool kids I want to be friends with. This encounter may have been freakishly awkward, but now you KNOW he’ll remember you.
Maybe… Just maybe, he can use this in one of his blogs.
Oh, Blair, you just made my day. :) I’m torn, though – do I really (REALLY?!) want anyone remembering me for being awkward? But yeah, if it turned into a blog post for him…well…I just can’t decide. Haha!
I promise I’m laughing with you! Bless your heart. ;)
I don’t think I’ve had any embarrassing celebrity interactions. Usually my face turns red but our conversations are quite lovely.
Sure you are. You don’t fool me. I know what “bless your heart” means! ;)
People like awkward though. It’s endearing. At least, I hope it is. Because boy, am I awkward. (But people tell me it’s endearing — hopefully they’re telling the truth…) I don’t know that I’ve said anything like that, but I have said some embarrassing things to my hero, Ron Paul. I’ve met him several times, too! But I never say anything intelligent. I’ve lamely said “thank you” like you plenty of times. And once when I was getting my picture taken with him I said, “I already have a picture with you; I want an autograph!” He looked at me and laughed and said “We’ll see.” Then, when I saw him come into the room to sign autographs (I was waiting in line), I noticed his shoes, which were one of the first things I ever noticed about him. So I told him. Sigh. And he said, “My shoes?? People make fun of my shoes!” So I had to be like, “No! I like them!” Sigh. (Really, I like them because to me they aren’t typical “politician” shoes and instead say “humble and hard-working” — but I’m not sure that’s a compliment one wants to hear…) I did finally get to talk to his son once though (only b/c I didn’t realize he was his son when I introduced myself), and he passed on the info to his dad — told him I had met his dad several times but was always very flustered. SIGH.
Also, I don’t know how you do Spanx. You are definitely a tougher woman than I. I spent $16 on a pair of those and will never wear them. Not sure I was even able to get them on to try on! Absolutely ridiculous. I don’t even think girdles could be that bad!
Haha – I’d forgotten about your shoe conversation with RP! Thank you for understanding. :)
As for the spanx, well they weren’t TECHNICALLY spanx. But spanx-like. And several sizes too small. So basically the same thing.
And this is one of those cautionary tales as to why I don’t do celebrities… I mean, I don’t go and speak to them ;)
See? See how easy it is to say things that sound SO WRONG???
Mary, I just love and adore you! That was hilarious! Thanks for my laugh for today!
Haha – you’re welcome. It’s good that my humiliation can serve as both a cautionary tale AND entertainment for us all! (Seriously. I laughed so hard at myself writing this!!)
Oh, I was expecting SO much worse! It did make me giggle though, so thanks for that!
Oh gosh, I don’t think I could’ve survived much worse. ;)
Oh honey. :)
You are cute and adorable and I giggle because I’ve *SO* done just that type of thing!
It happens to the best of us, doesn’t it? (Also – do you remember? – YOU were the very first blogger I ever met at my first Blissdom!) :)
This is awesome, Mary. When I was in college, I met Jack Johnson. I just LOVE Jack. So, when I got the chance to actually meet him, I thought of all these super witty things to say. And then he’d invite me backstage. Because, obviously, he would like me as much as I liked him.
When the moment came and we met, I think all I said was “Ermahgerd. I love you.” His response was “Um…yeah.” before walking away with a slightly terrified look on his face. Not my finest moment.
Yes! Of COURSE he should like you as much as you like him! And then BAM! Not the finest moment… I get it. I do.
Soooo funny! And what a great angle. I actually introduced him to my roommate, and I got so flustered, I said: “This is who I’m sleeping with.”
OoO!
That was awkward.
For everyone.
Oh my gosh, Renee, I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one!!!
This just made me snort loudly. In the library. Where I am supposed to be working. Hilarious.
Bless your heart. I really must retell this story to me in person next time we see each other. If it helps, the one time I met Jon it was pretty awkward too. And then I asked for a picture. So there’s that.
Well, at least I didn’t do THAT. Heh.
Totally meant *YOU* must retell this story. It’d probably be awkward if I retold this story to you.
Yes, yes, that is what I assumed you meant. Although, this whole conversation reminds me of my most embarrassing moment from high school (short version: falling on my face on the court during a basketball game. yay.) and how my best friends love to retell it to me. With friends like these… ;)
Oh honey . . . I could relate to your story on so many levels. Especially the this-loud-party-scene-really-isn’t-my-thing level. I feel your pain. And meeting famous people? I may have met one or two in my life, but that’s not really my thing either (I usually run the other way), probably because I tend to say things like, “Thank you.” But I will say that I have never, ever asked a super-duper-famous-Christian to go back to a hotel with me. :)
SHELLY!!! That is NOT what I did! I mean, maybe it kind of SOUNDED like that…*sigh* :)
Oh Mary! That is so hilarious! I get so flustered when I meet people I think are cute, famous or really important. And awkward. I have so many stories. But rest assured you are not alone in this behavior. :)
Thanks, Sean. :) It’s good to know I’m not alone in Awkwardville.
Ohhhhh my friend…please tell me I’m not the one that said “Oh honey” (!!!) (And if I did, know it was said with love and understanding of your story, because I’ve done this EXACT kind of thing!) It was such a wonderful delight meeting you at Blissdom! I feel we are kindred spirits, and you are my HERO not only for surviving this fun story of meeting JA with a smile and MOXIE, but your grace and awesomeness at writing it out in such HILARITY for this awesome post! I’m embarrassed I can’t recall a specific story at the moment, but I can GUARANTEE I have been way more ackward than this when meeting someone I greatly admire & respect. (I’m sure it was when one of my friends introduced me to a Broadway performer I admire, and I lost all functions of speech & social grace). Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone, and we are all more alike than we are different. I just got my ticket to Allume this fall – so hoping to see you there!
Welllll, yes, you were the friend who “Oh, honey”-ed me. But I was thankful! Because I KNEW it was bad and your confirmation actually made me feel a tiny bit better. Like – at least my understanding of what’s socially appropriate behavior wasn’t SO far off… :) And, like a good blogger, the moment you said [whatever was your sweet equivalent of “oh, honey”], a buzzer went off in my head and I knew I’d have to turn the whole darned thing into a post!
Oh Gosh, I never thought I would utter a phrase to inspire a blog post!! :) It was an awesome story, and I love your honesty and your sense of humor Mary! It was truly a joy and one of my highlights of Blissdom to meet you there – I’ve always loved reading your blog, friend!
Hehe! And what a blog post you inspired, at that! I had a great time hanging out with you at Blissdom!!
I love you #thatisall
It’s mutual. Of course.
BEST. STORY. EVER.
And even better that you linked to Jon Acuff on Twitter so he will (potentially) read this post and get to RELIVE that awesome conversation.
Yay. Now he’ll never say, “Have we met before?”
a
Oh my word, Amanda, he’ll probably never speak another word to me again! (Which is sad, but a plus because it gives me so many fewer opportunities to LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.)
LAUGHING SO HARD I CAN BARELY BREATHE….
*snort* Happy to entertain, LJ. ;)
HA-LARIOUS! That is why I love you :)
Hehe – thanks, Christine. :)
Oh, I. DIE. DIE.
{still dying}
{ok, you’ve totally killed me dead.}
I can’t believe we didn’t get to meet this year at Blissdom. How can such things happen in the age of social media? I think I’m just about to order everyone back to Dallas for a redo…
How DID it happen?! I don’t even know. I’ve almost recovered on sleep and detaching my face from my phone, so yes, a Blissdom redo is in order! I’m driving this time, though – flying home in snow put me over the edge.
I love that you shared this. In fact, I like you even more because you did.
:) Thanks.
I usually avoid famous people like the plague after meeting a star in the airport once who was VERY RUDE. I figure all of them are stuck up and just avoid the chance to talk to them. However, I had no idea who Acuff was and my friends stopped to talk to him in the hallway saying their husband wanted a photo or something. I talked to him just like he was a normal person and he acted very kind and normal, too. I thought nothing of it. I had no idea he was even a keynote until someone in my group explained who he was. I loved what he said about how Dave Ramsey was so much cooler than him. There’s always a bigger fish in the pond. Keeping grounded in the fact that YOU are a daughter of the King might help you not feel so flustered. You are the most famous person in the world to your kids and husband. ;)
Awww, thanks. I *am* the most famous person to my family! :) (And yes, Jon Acuff is a totally normal person. I was definitely the weirdo reacting that way!!)
And if we can get that on 25 million bushels of corn or over 2%
of our energy comes from coal, plans to increase reliance on photovoltaic energy facts energy last year.
So funny! Jon Acuff is pretty hilarious.
I am the world’s most awkward person around pretty much anybody…I have so many awkward stories I would never have been able to choose just one for this prompt :)
Oh my, this cracked me up. I love the awkwardness of it all. I think I would’ve just bust out laughing though :) “Well, I want to go back to the hotel!” bwhahahahaha!
Let me get this straight: you inadvertently propositioned a Christian writer/speaker at a conference, basically inviting him to your hotel room? Oh, honey….
Well, you know. It MIGHT have sounded like that for a split second. *sigh* So ridiculous…
great insight. Really enjoyed skimming through this blog.
Keep up the good work and to everyone keep on learning!