This weekend, thousands of women around the world will watch a webcast about staying in community, in relationship even when it’s hard. When they do, they’ll hear me talk about how I chose to stay in my marriage last year, even when it was hard. Because you, my readers, are my friends, I didn’t want you to hear about that for the first time in a video. So I sat down last night to tell you all about it. As it turns out, it took me nearly 1,500 words to get to the point, and I’m still not sure it came out right. So if you’re wondering why am I telling you now and why is this post so long…that’s why.
Just a few years after I was married, I heard through the grapevine that a couple we knew disliked us. A lot. In fact, they said we were “miserable” to be around.
At the time I was insulted and infuriated. But in hindsight . . . I have to agree.
Have you heard people joke about their anniversaries? You know, saying, “I’ve been married for 12 years – happily married for 10. Hardee-har-har!”
I’ve always thought that was a tasteless joke, intended to hurt one’s spouse. But, I can honestly say that in little over a month, I’ll have been married for 14 years – happily married for one.
Maybe that’s unfair. We’ve certainly had happy moments since our wedding, and if you add them up I’m sure we could squeeze two years out of it. Still, that’s not a great ratio. Especially when I know just how unhappy those other years were.
I’ve probably mentioned that I got married at 20.
I’ve told you how unrealistic expectations complicate relationships unnecessarily.
I’ve talked about some of the effects of being a married single mom.
And I’ve shared that on last year’s anniversary, we started marriage counseling.
What I haven’t told you is that if we hadn’t gone to counseling, we probably wouldn’t be married today. Last spring I hit my limit – of forgiveness, of patience, of hope. After more than a dozen years of fighting for my marriage and my rights and my way to hang up the towels in the bathroom, I was finished.
And when you’ve hit the wall like that and THEN you’re disappointed or hurt o n e. m o r e. t i m e? Well, I crumbled.
I said things like, “I can’t do this anymore,” and “I don’t know why I bother,” and “I deserve better!” and, finally, “I’m going to leave.”
[If you’re wondering how you missed reading about this last year, you didn’t. I wrote about recipes and parenting and books and TV shows, but I didn’t write about this. I couldn’t. Some things you can’t talk about when you’re living it, and this was one of those things.]
So, I wanted to leave, to give up, to give in. I’d been fighting with Mark – and fighting for Mark – for half my life (if you count the years we dated, which I do, because we bickered and struggled and disregarded each other’s feelings during those years, too). It was too much. It was too hard. It was too . . . too.
Leaving isn’t a simple option, though, when you have a four-year-old daughter. And a house. And bills to pay and friends who don’t know and family gatherings to attend and cats to feed and lives that are entwined in the way that lives connected for 13+ years are.
Besides, I didn’t want to leave. Not really. But I didn’t think anything would change if I stayed. After all, it hadn’t so far. And, I thought, it probably wouldn’t now, either – no matter how much I wanted it and how much he promised it would.
No, I didn’t think anything would change. I didn’t think it could. I didn’t think WE could. I thought it would surely take a miracle to make this marriage work.
He didn’t ask me to stay. But he called a counselor and made an appointment. I didn’t go to the first appointment, but he did. That’s when I began to feel a tiny spark of hope. Maybe . . . this time . . . could it really . . . maybe . . .
I can’t tell you exactly when things began to change. I don’t have an 8-step plan for saving your marriage or making people do what you want or putting the pieces of your heart back together when it’s been shattered. Again.
I can tell you that realizing I shared responsibility for the miserable parts of our relationship was a game changer. It was. Learning to talk to each other in a totally different way played a big part, and so did remembering why we liked each other in the first place. And, of course, date nights are everyone’s go-to solution for a reason.
But, at least to an extent, those were things we’d tried (and tried and tried) before – including counseling. And it never made much of a difference. It definitely did not make a lasting difference.
And for the first several months after that anniversary counseling appointment, I was sure this time would be the same. He’d make promises, I would too, and we’d both tiptoe around each other until we got lazy and reverted back to our horrible selves. We’d try until it got hard again or we got our feelings hurt. And we’d be back where we began, a little more weary and singed around the edges of our smashed, barely-held-together hearts.
I just knew that we couldn’t fix this thing, that short of a real-life, God-given miracle, we were headed for more heartache.
Still, I’d promised to try and he kept going to counseling and trying to change and being kind when I tried changing, too. So we tried. For months we tried. And for a while, it really seemed like things were improving. Slowly, in small ways, things were getting better.
But then something happened.
Something happened, and I blew up. We yelled, and I cried, and we both said things that we’d said hundreds of times before. It was a huge fight, just like every other time.
Except . . . it wasn’t like every other time. Even though the hot-button topic that started it was the same and the heated words were the same, my heart didn’t feel the same.
Sure, I was hurt and he was frustrated. But for once in our lives, we quickly asked, “How can we solve this problem together?” instead of pointing fingers and blame and more ugly words.
That was the day I began to look at my marriage as the gift it’s been all along.
That was the day I realized that my marriage had been miraculously healed.
Now, don’t get me wrong. That wasn’t the day we had our last argument or started spontaneously dancing in the kitchen or making googly eyes across the dinner table.
But that was the day I understood, the day I truly believed that miracles can happen.
My marriage is still a work in progress. A redeemed marriage, yes, but also a marriage in recovery. We still have scars and struggles and, at times, short, selfish tempers. But it’s so different now. We are, for the first time since our newlywed days, on the same team. We are for each other, in every sense of the phrase.
When everything fell apart last spring, I thought my marriage was over. My heart was shattered, and I just knew there was not enough glue in the world to put it – to put us – back together. In a way, I was right. That old marriage – the one with two selfish people who bickered and repressed and ignored and seethed and snapped – is gone. I pray it’s gone forever. Because this new one? The one with two selfish people who problem solve and confess and forgive and extend arms and olive branches? It’s so good. And it is a miracle.
Are you in a season or situation that seems hopeless? I can’t promise you that anything will ever change or improve. I can’t, because I don’t know.
But what I do know is this: God loves you even when your circumstances seem stacked against you. And He is why we always have hope. We don’t have hope because of our own determination or strength or stick-to-it-ness; we don’t have hope because deep down, we believe that other person is good; we don’t have hope because things have to turn around at some point and there’s nowhere to go but up and my horoscope/fortune cookie/best friend said it would get better.
No, we have hope because our God loves us, and miracles do happen.
Do you need one now?
Will you tell us about it, let us pray for your miracle?
Thank you my beautiful wife and I are going thru this same struggle! She is not fighting for our marriage but I have not laid down. I am doing as much soul searching as needed I also have found a new relationship with God please keep us in your prayers. Thanks again for the added faith….
My husband divorced me in April 2014.Please pray for a marriage miracle for me.I`m 29 years old.Thank you & bless you
I’m so sorry, Ann. I’ll absolutely pray for a miracle in your life!
Please also pray a miracle for my marriage. My husband just divorced me and I am trying my best to keep the faith – we have 2 daughters who deserve both mommy and daddy together. Please help pray for a miracle!
Chanel, I’m so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage. I pray that God will draw both you and your husband toward Him as He redeems your story and heals your hearts.
Please pray for a miracle for my marriage to be restored. Married lesss then five yrs with ththree small kids. Husband is filing for divorce :(
Hello my marriage is falling apart and my husband just told me last night that he wants a divorce. Our marriage sounded a lot like Mary’s story except my husband lost his 18 year old son and I lost step- son that lived with us since he was 12. My husband since then blames me for things that aren’t my fault he treats my boys horribly and distances his self from me completely. For a month now he leaves for weekends and days and doesn’t tell me where he goes or what he does and who he is with. He tells me he is by himself and he is drinking a lot. He has hatred toward me and I haven’t done anything to him other than try to be there for him and his loss as we are all grieving. I have begged him to get help and counseling but he wants no part of it so I am at a loss and I still love him very much. I will have to say our relationship has been a crazy roller coaster from day one but we always worked it out somehow and then back again but this time he is done and I have lost him. Please pray for a miracle in Jesus name I don’t want to break my family any more than it has already been broken. I need a miracle before he files for a divorce.
Carrie, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I’m praying for you today! And I’m a huge fan of counseling (it’s made a world of difference in my life), so here’s someone I recommend: http://www.roxannerosscounseling.com. She actually provides online counseling to clients all around the world. Praying for you…
Thank You Mary your story was an inspiration to me to continue to fight for my marriage. Thank you for the prayers they are much needed!
At the end of this article it asked if I needed a miracle. I so desperately do
I need my wife of 15 years to change her mind about leaving and separating
I’m at the end of my rope. I will do anything for her but she thinks I can’t change certain things. I need any one that would be so moved to say a prayer to help us save what we have. Our beautiful family Please lord bring a miracle to this situation. Thank you
Gary, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Praying God will speak to both you and your wife, drawing you close to Himself and to each other. Praying for renewal in your relationship…
So I need a miracle. After a few years of marriage we go through periods of good times but periods of bad. Right now it couldn’t be worse. My husband said to me that he feels that I have given up on us. Later that day I told him that there was a time a few months ago I briefly felt like giving up (I tried to explain that is was very brief and that now I believe we are worth working for and for our son). All he heard was I wanted out. He told me to leave and he didnt care (I know he was hurt and he was frustrated) He also said that I was trying to strong arm him to say that he cared. (I guess part of me thought he would say “no dont leave, I still want you). But that is not what happened. Instead I just ignited the resentment he has built torwards me. For some reason we get into arguments often in the car. I hate riding in the car now. We fight about directions, things we should have packed, how to entertain our son, how to stop him from crying. We fought the other day about where to go to eat. That bad part is the argument doesnt stay about directions, it turn into what can we say to prove the other person wrong and prove that our opinion is right. Sometimes it feels as though we try to break each other but have no way of building each other back. He said I expect perfection and that it is destroying our marriage. He is right. It is hard not to try and be perfect when a mistake results in being lectured and reprimanded, especially by my husband. (He thinks he is helping). He has voiced to me that he feels he has no say in raising our child. I listen to everything he says about our child. There have been times I haven’t followed through with exactly what he says. I get his frustration. (I feel if he has an opinion then I cant have a different opinion or It makes me argumentative) I get frustrated with him because I feel he tells me how to do things but he doesnt try them himself. (I am trying potty training, I am the one who transitioned his food, and bed). I have started to feel that it is my responsibility to keep our child quiet (he is two and almost impossible). He crys out for attention and it is my fault because I respond to his crying. If he cries in the car, my husband asks “what does he want, why is he crying, what can we do to stop the crying and whining”. I have tried games, toys, dvd, ipad, sitting with him in the bac, even scoulding him. All have worked for a little bit but aren’t 100%. Sometimes, he just wants out of the seat and I cant help the kid or heaven forbid I dont know what he wants. This built frustration in my husband and just last night our son was in the back seat trying to get my attention and just spoke louder until I said “what”. This went on and on about 10 minutes. My husband became frustrated and said he felt he could not say anything because it would have caused an argument and would just end up us wanting divorce. I dont want a divorce or to leave. I want to be with him and build back our intimacy. I have accepted in myself I have some control issues. I like things to go the way they are planned and it throws me off when they dont. It makes me anxious. I know that I have hurt my husband in many ways by not respecting his thoughts and feelings. I have apologized, I have prayed, I went to counseling. I dont know if going back would help.
Praying for healing and redemption in your marriage, Kate! (And while I don’t know the answer to your marriage struggles, I will say that counseling has made all the difference in my relationship and heart.)
I came across your article in what I like to think was a moment of God nudging me in the right direction. I have been praying for a miracle of my own lately.. hopeful as one can only be in a desperate situation. I knew it was at a point that only a miracle could turn it around. But more so lately, I feel foolish for believing that that miracle might be granted to me.. I feel more and more like my wishes and desires mean nothing to God, who am i to ever get such a thing as a miracle?
I wanted to ask for everyones prayers also.. because im not too proud to ask for help at this point. Just for a miracle or a sign enough to know that what matters to me, matters to him too? That im not foolish for believing God might grant me this?
My name is Maria, but its not my full name, My husband Justin he went to his home town on 13th October 2015 after 7 years and now he fully changed he talks very rude and whatever i say he takes in wrongly he talks to his family, relatives, friends hours and if I say something he tells me that he needs freedom and happiness and he is not happy with me and wants to leave as soon as his family calls him, he is a nice person though we had small fights we used to get along in hours or in a day, now they have changed him fully they dont want him to leave with me so he says lies to them that he is living with his friends, please pray for me to the Almighty God that my Justin should not change no matter what comes he should not change no other women or girl to be in his life and no other relationship should break us, for his sake i left my whole family brothers and sister and i dont talk to anybody as he was not liking anybody from my family, i came far away from them i have even insulted them for his sake but not from my heart, its ok i know they will forgive me and understand. My husband Justin please he should not leave me at any cost, no other relationship or girls should enter his shadow i know his parents will force to get marry to other beautiful girls but i want my God to help me and him not to get into any such relationships, all are telling him to go to abroad but please i know he will change completely. I had lived with him more than 10 years but the way he talks we went through so many ups and downs and he I did not conceive second child becoz he was not interested. But now I ask the God to help me to conceive atleast when any such things happens I want to keep the child in his rememberance and live. Please God all I ask my Justin in 2005 & 2006 he used to kneel and pray to mother mary to unite us not to be separated but now if I say that he says that time he was young and did not know what life is.
Please God you can change so many disasters please help me all I ask is my Justin should accept me as I am and to love me and stay with us and not betray us. I want to live with my Justin rest of my life no matter how much he changes God should help him to accept me and no other relation should interfere in our life now or ever .
Maria, I’m so sorry to hear about your pain and your struggles. I’m praying God will intervene and heal your marriage.
Thanks a million i need your prayers even yesterday night was a big fight he said he doesnt like to talk and see my face he wants his family he will plan soon and go back he hurted me a lot also we are not legally married we just married in a room which nobody knows and he is not agreeing it to it now, i am so much broken today his mother and grandmother went to velankanni mother mary church to offer thanks giving for his return and i guess to give away the relationship and go back to home town, i am scared may be there prayers are powerful and they are holy people i am a lonely sinner and nobody to support please pray for me, God should do some miracle that he doesnt change and accepts me as i am. Please pray for me please. I love him so much i know he is a nice person but he is confused becoz his family telling him to marry young and new girl may be i don’t as he is very handsome and he has interest in girls, please pray everything can be changed through the power of prayer, hence pray with me so that i have a company pray along. thank you
Please *PLEASE* pray for my marriage. My husband and I have been married less than a year. We still love each other, but he feels he can’t ride the storm of life with me. He’s already filed for divorce. His brother is a priest and married us! I’m trying to keep my faith in God. I’m struggling with everything so much
Shelly, I will absolutely pray for you and your husband. God is with you. He is close to the brokenhearted, remember? Praying for you…
Wow….your story is EXACTLY my story and where I am now. I can definitely relate with wanting to throw in the towel and giving up. I fantasize about being loved, held or just waking up in the morning without the burden of thoughts of how unhappy I am. Just last night I called “Focus On Family” hotline to speak with a counselor and I erupted in tears describing how alone,neglected and unhappy I’ve been for years. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad that things are better and progressing for you. I pray that it will happen for me/us. I’m just tired of crying, praying and hoping for change. I’m a very private person, so the fact that I’m reaching out and searching for answers means I’m at a point of giving up. Please keep us in your prayers……I’m asking for tons of prayers while I’m going through this “figuring out” period. Thanks again for sharing.
Nickita, I’m praying for changed hearts and a healed relationship for you and your husband.
Please pray for my husband to put God first in all areas of his life and for him to fall in love with God. I also pray that he will forgive me, repent for his sins, the work on our marriage, and fall in love with me, I pray these things in Jesus mighty name Amen!!! Thank you God thank you Jesus and thank you Holy Spirit!!!
I too am seeking a miracle. I am in a 7 yr relationship with my fiancé. I have always wanted to marry her but on the advise of my attorney and minister have not. Why? Whenever we’ve had arguments she has just told me to pack my belongings and get out……we live in her home. Furthermore, she spends all she makes and fells no need to save for the future. We are both 60 and have gone away on vacations and trips that have cost a fortune….. My way of trying to give a little. However I have developed a hip problem which requires surgery. Surgery was scheduled for 12/1/15..but I developed a pulmonary embolism in mid-Oct. Thus the surgery cannot occur until April ’16 at the earliest. Since the embolism she has become mean in calling me weak and making comments about my using a walker / cane. Her friends at work ( all divorced times over and living high from their settlements and homes “given” them) have told her ditch me as I am a liability and I am not willing to ” pay” by spending high dollar on gifts, trips, jewelry and etc. They believe men are just hurtful and only good for sex and money. I have told her these ideas are poison and she need not forsake her friends but not by into their ideas about men. We do not have the luxury of living off the possessions / $ of others by divorce. Her response is to say I am cheap (meaning I do not love her by heaping her with the luxuries she desires) and that I just don’t like her friends.
The end result is that she has filed an eviction notice to have me removed. Why? I am a liability to her because of my hip which will require healing and rehab time. This will not let me be able to care for her 2 dogs while she goes on a cruise ( with the friends mentioned above)….this is having to board the dogs @ $800 for the wk. I love the dogs but just cannot care for them. I have babysat the dogs before while she vacationed because I cannot stand to see them with others as the dogs cry and hardly eat while we have gone away before. They are like my children. Now she wants me out knowing I cannot lift, bend & etc. so packing / moving is just impossible. She says she does not care she wants to be able to go. Thus she is putting me out, getting rid of the dogs and 2 of our 3 cats. All of these animals came to us by rescue, have been loved and had the best care only to now be pawned off to the unknown. I admit that my reminders to her about her spending (she just refinanced the house for the 2nd time to pay off cc debt and put in an unneeded new kitchen @ $15K, a $700 bath upgrade plus a reflooring to many rooms at thousands more) and cutting down on eating out ( I have lost 120lb in last yr and half while she had gained and wants to still eat like we always have). I tried to reasonable and just went along when she wanted to eat out ( only to eat what my plan was vs our usual 3 course feasts). She feels I purposely slight her by trying to eat healthy at home preparing my own meals and letting her eat as she wishes. She still buys my trigger foods … Will not keep them hidden and tells me my eating different is making her eat more so I’m responsible for her weight gain. I have a good job and am walking 2 blocks to work (and back) w/ the walker / cane. She works 2 blocks from me but will not swing a block out of way to drop me / pick me up.
We do not sleep together or share bedrooms. She begged me to move in with her as I lived / worked an hour away. We have had many happy times but I feel she wants what she wants and has become increasing controlling if she does not get “exactly” what she wants or her friends think she should get. I am so worried as I have no extended / close family to help me move. I need assistance to do some of my daily activities so just going to an apartment is a bit of a stretch. But we both believe in God. She feels God is punishing me because I have been “mean” to her by not following her lead ( demands) and not honoring her when I am wrong and apologize ( she has told me when I am wrong reparations are in order…I.e. A night out, jewelry, etc.). She told me recently she has a notebook at work of all the times she has felt wronged by me over the course of our relationship
I do love & want her to be happy. I want so bad to marry her but w/ her threats of banishment at the drop of a hat and her constant financial draining I cannot in good faith proceed. I have prayed that God would intervene somehow so she can see I love her unconditionally and am not a wet blanket or miser. I just don’t want us to ended up at life ‘s end w/ o options. She just does not want to hear of it…. She says we could die tomorrow.
I try to talk to God daily and have succeeded because I have asked. Now I feel ashamed to ask as I have leaned on God’s shoulder so much.
Please pray for God’s will here. Prayers that show her I am not a bum . Prayers to let her see I unconditionally care and love her.
My fiancé has as many good qualities just as long as this text.
I am not codependent as I have had many opportunities elsewhere. They have not been an option as I am committed.
Again, please pray for us both! Thanks.
Wow, this sounds like a difficult situation. Since I don’t know either you or your fiance, I won’t presume to know what’s best for either of you. But I will certainly pray for God to give you wisdom and discernment, that He’ll provide exactly what you need when you need it.
After 26 yrs of marriage my wife is leaving me after the Christmas holidays. We have 3 girls all above 18 yrs old and it’s been very gut wrenching for me each day to see us all go through this pain. We both are going to counseling. She told me she no feelings for me anymore. I’m praying and in His word every day. I want to say I’m getting myself better for the things I did in the past. I was a big flirt,anger problems but not the violent kind. My tone of voice and control at times drove my wife’s feelings away. I’m am getting him and feel much better. I also have PTSD from my job which didn’t help. I got my anger from my dad. I’m leaving my past behind and walking with the Lord now. I’ve laid this and all my problems at His feet. To never go back to the garbage in my past. My past failure as a husband will field my desire to walk more with Him and be the father and husband my wife deserves. Please pray for a miracle that my wife will find the courage and strength to come back and me our marriage a second chance. All prayer warriors send this to Facebook Twitter etc..please pray for this marriage to work a second time. I need my wife to get her love and feelings back for me, for us!!. Thank you. email@example.com
Van, I admire your dedication to following the Lord and being the man your wife deserves. Praying for a miracle for you both.
Thank you I take the word of Job 22: 21-23
I know He can provide a miracle if I stay steady in His word and prayer of faith..Everyone please pray hard..spread the word to all prayer meetings and churches to lift Deb and I up
Hi, Mary. I stumbled upon your blog tonight. I guess God has a way of making me see the light. I’ve been very despondent since my boyfriend of nearly 5 years left me. It’s just like in your case (well, the specifics are different, of course): I have a personality flaw that I’ve always had trouble changing and overcoming on my own. It would often lead to fights between me and my boyfriend. But at the same time, I felt like my boyfriend could’ve done his part as well – mainly, maybe he could’ve been slower to anger (although I suppose he’d already reached his limit by then). I prayed to God over and over again, asking him to help us stay together and work on things (ourselves, our relationship, our flaws), and I asked him for help to overcome my flaws because I had difficulty doing so, and would just keep falling back into old habits. Someone referred me to a therapist, and I was diagnosed with anxiety, so I decided I’d get therapy for my own sake, and for the sake of our relationship. But not long after the diagnosis, he was still reeling from a recent argument, decided he’d had enough, and left. I didn’t understand – I thought the therapy was God’s answer, and then my boyfriend left. I know God is merciful and doesn’t punish us, so I wonder if this is a trial. I wonder if this is his way of making sure that I would really work on my issues with or without him, and I hope he is working on himself, too (but based on hearsay, he seems happy without me). Please pray for a miracle, that we can still reconcile and get back together in a renewed relationship, one that’s more stable, healthier, stronger, more loving, and a better fit for each other than before. Thank you!
Praying for you. I used to suffer from anxiety as well. Yoga and meditation are great for anxiety. There are free guided meditations on YouTube that are great! I hope you can find peace with yourself
I desperately need a miracle in my marriage.. My husband left 2weeks ago & is saying that he is never coming back, he can’t get over what has happened.. We have had a few rough patches over the 5 years, but also some really good times.. I’ve told him that things can change, with God & prayer, but he doesn’t believe me.. & he doesn’t pray for our marriage.. His heart is so hard & cold towards me & it hurts.. I’ve been praying everyday, asking God to bring him home & restore our marriage, but it seems to be getting worse, every time I talk to him.. He’s adamant about ending our marriage.. I need a miracle.. I need God to touch & change my husband’s heart.. I need God to perform a miracle in my marriage.. To fix us, for good.. Please pray for God to heal my marriage, to change my husband’s heart, for my husband to confess & repent for his sins, please pray for God to perform a miracle in my marriage.. For God to fix us both.. Thank you..
Would you please pray for me and my fiance…well now ex fiance. We have only been together 3 and a half years, and he has decided that he no longer wants to try anymore. This decision is based on the past….growing pains of our first living together (where I sold my house and moved from the city to where he lives), conflicts over his family, my illness (of which I am now doing so much better) and adjusting to each other and embracing and respecting our differences. Basic ones like the fact that I am a woman and he is a man. This is the first time he has ever lived with someone. We are in our early 50’s. In this time I went to counseling for over a year (he refused) and I have grown and learned so much about myself, this relationship and him. I am a new woman….my friends and family see this as well. The old me feels like a lifetime ago. I have take accountability for my part in our problems. But he cannot move forward past the decision he made…based on the past. One huge reason I am fighting for us is because he still loves me….he tells me this and is loving towards me. But he says we are too different. I am shattered and have been fighting for us for over 9 months now. In the last week I have seriously begun praying to God to take over….to give him clarity…to give me clarity. To unite us. Every fiber of my being is screaming at how ridiculous it is for us to go our separate ways when we still love each other so much. And my heart, my gut and my head are telling me that we are meant to be together, that we are worth fighting for. I am so sad tonight. He is hurt, I am hurt…and I tell him we can get rid of the pain if only he would give us a second chance. But I am the only one it seems that is fighting for us. Do you believe God and my prayers can help him soften his stubborn pride, open his eyes and see the value of our love and connection?
My name is Donovan and my wife and i have been together for 13yrs now with 2 stepdaughters one from each of us and 3 children between us total of 5. It has been a rocky road from the jump but we’ve always gotten back together after she leaves. Now she is threatening to leave and divorce me. I do not believe in this as a solution by any means and with all the hurt im calling on God to move this mountain. Reading your blog is an inspiration and i will stand firm on my covenant with the Lord. Please pray for a miracle. I am please keep us in prayer the enemy wants to destroy our families and it’s left to us to pray for each other. I will pray for all on this blog as well.
I’m not going to ask you to pray for my marriage, I came here because I’m believing a miracle but the data coupled with free will tell me it’s never going to happen.
We married at 23 and she was 20. Have been together for 16 years. 17 in May (if we make it) She never supported me. Never wanted anything to do with the ministry. We met in Bible College. She knew my calling to be in ministry full time. She fought me since month 2 in our marriage. I took jobs outside the ministry with the goal of being part time or full time ministry. Finally in 2012 I took a position in a church. She began sexting and texting strangers. Reality was here. After 12 years. Eventually this led to an affair. I forgave her. I forgave him. I still loved her. We sought counseling. Things were going great. 2 months later I found out she was still in contact with him and sexting and texting again. So I forgave again. But this time it was different. She was no longer the prize. I lost the butterflies that I had with her for 15 years. No longer when she walks in the room does my heart jump like it did before. No longer when the garage door opens does my heart jump like it once did. And I’m not talking about immature puppy love. I’m talking DEEP DEEP LOVE……the love that forgives the worst thing you could ever do to someone. And now it’s gone. I keep telling myself if she would just do this or just do that it will return. But it doesn’t. I no longer am in love with her but I do love her. It’s just gone. I keep praying that the prize and apple of my eye return. But it doesn’t. I know she’s sorry but I’m afraid it’s too little too late. My wife is very intelligent but she can’t understand why I’m about to move on. She can’t understand that I’m not interested in just a good marriage and being friends. That intimacy is needed. I’m not in this for comfort and a good marriage. And since we fight and she nit picks me like she used to before this happened……I can no longer accept it like I did before. Before I would have went to my grave miserable. But no longer. I forgive and have tried to reconcile. But she is in old patterns which just keep her from being the apple of my eye, So I believe God can do a miracle. But I don’t believe she has the capacity to carry out what it would take to follow through with the miracle. Basically what I’m saying is that if God revealed to her through a dream\vision\or someone she trusts what she must do to save the marriage she wouldn’t do it. She is wrapped up in her own world. Unfortunately, I don’t believe she will get or understand any of this until after we are divorced and we have moved on. So I won’t ask you to pray for my marriage. I have loved beyond myself. Which is what the Bible tells me to do. But she has not shown me respect or supported me for going on 17 years, And I cannot continue to have my heart ripped open over and over because of her blatant selfishness.
My husband is ready to give upon our marriage. Communication is down and always turns into an argument. There is no compromise and he is relaying it is his way or its over. We have 2 children and our 3rd on the way. I have been reverently praying over him and our marriage ever since things have began to unravel. I do admit there are problems from the past that I am still hurt over such as infidelity and meddling trouble making family members. I am just asking for prayer over my husband to stick through this rough road of ours instead of opting to getting out.
Please pray for my relationship. It sounds a lot like this one. 3 years of struggle. But somehow in my heart I know it’s right and I want to fight for it. Two selfish people who cannot see eye to eye. Unappreciative. Please pray for a miracle in my relationship as well. Pray the love we once had is restored and we can make it through this dark time. In Jesus name I pray, amen. Only God can see us through this, but I know it’s possible.
please ask God in Jesus name to restore my marriage.
My wife left and took our 2 young boys. My name is Brandon and her name is Lauren. I have stayed in prayer and the word and it is so difficult to hold onto hope. I feel miserable. I want so badly to trust that a miracle can happen, I would like to ask for anybody interested to keep me in your prayers. Thank you!