I sat in my car, waiting to pick up my daughter from preschool and scrolling through Instagram on my phone. As rain started pelting my windshield, tears started soaking my cheeks. That’s when I decided not to open Instagram for the rest of the weekend.
Last summer I made the choice to stay home instead of traveling to the beach with my fellow (in)courage writers. It had been a rough year, money was tight, and I already had two other trips planned for the fall.
It just made sense to skip this trip.
And, as it turns out, being home that week was paramount for my family. Just days before, we’d unexpectedly decided to enroll my daughter in a new preschool. Long story short, the school she’d attended the two years before was no longer a good place for her or our family, and we were surprised and blessed to find an opening in [what turned out to be] a fantastic preschool closer to my office.
Introducing my four-year-old to a new school with new teachers and new friends was a delicate dance that required nerves of steel on my part and a brave face on hers. Well, a kind-of brave face with just a few tears leaking out of her nervous eyes! Had I dropped her off on Day 2 and hopped on a plane across the country, well, that would have made the transition a lot more challenging.
Plus, I would have felt terrible.
But I didn’t know that when I chose to stay home months before. I just knew I wasn’t supposed to go.
HOWEVER, none of that made my heart any less sad when I saw my friends posting pictures and updates from the beach, “showing off” the great time they were having . . . without me.
That wasn’t the first time I grieved over missed opportunities, connections and just plain fun. When your world involves a great deal of social media like mine does, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the shared experiences others are having without me. And, obviously, the world existed before the Internet – and that world included plenty of times I missed the slumber party or the mission trip or the training.
Whether it’s a conference (don’t even TALK to me about this year’s Allume, which I will NOT be attending, boohoo!) or a concert or a church retreat or a girlfriends getaway or a couples camping trip or a girls night out – we’ve all felt left out. We’ve seen posts or heard remember whens, we’ve liked photos (that secretly we resented) or laughed self-consciously at obviously inside jokes, we’ve wondered why we weren’t invited or wished we still lived there or hated that we couldn’t afford it. We’ve all wished we were there.
Though this has happened to me many times – and though I really am super upset to miss the conference coming up next month – last year’s Beach Trip That Didn’t Happen has taught me something. Two things, actually.
First (and obvious, though I haven’t always done it) – Get off the internet! When you know something is happening out there, something you wish you could be a part of but can’t, don’t make yourself even more miserable!
Go offline for those few days. Avoid those blogs, turn off your push notifications from Instagram and Facebook, and read a book. Or watch a movie. Or take a walk. Just don’t sit in your car, in the rain, scrolling through pictures of the beach while crying. Just don’t. It’s kind of pitiful, it just makes things worse, and it kind of makes you feel like you’re in the middle of a country music video.
(And nobody wants that.)
Second (and my main takeaway from last year’s missed trip) – Remember why there’s no place like home. Whether or not you can see, in the moment, why it’s best for you to miss this trip, this conference, this retreat or not, you can find something about your current, stuck-at-home circumstance to be thankful for.
You saved money.
You didn’t have to go through security or put miles on your car.
You can skip makeup and wear pajamas if you want.
You get to spend the time with your family.
You won’t miss the after-school pick-up or the date night or the committee meeting or a day of work or your favorite show.
You can sleep in your own bed.
You can wear your comfy shoes – or no shoes at all.
For me, being home instead of at the beach turned out to be exactly what my family needed that week. And selling my ticket to Allume is smart, given how advanced my pregnancy will be by then.
But the only thing that really keeps me from losing my cool and resorting to tears and whining about the UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL is remembering that God has plans – good plans – for me, and I’m right where I need to be. Even if that means I’m home, in my comfy pants and holey socks, playing CandyLand for the eighth time.
What do you do when you really want to be there (instead of here)?
P.S. I am going to the beach this year. So if you need to ignore my posts – which, I promise, really AREN’T trying to show off – for a few days, I understand!
This is wise, Mary. I definitely stay off of social media when I know there’s something going on that I wanted to be at. Sometimes ignorance is bliss for our tender hearts. Have fun with the (in)courage gang!
Thanks, Leigh. And yes – ignorance can be bliss, for sure, compared to educated envy!
GREAT post, Mary. So much on the Internet can make me dissatisfied with my life–which is why I try not to surf too much. Or log onto Pinterest. Or even onto Facebook much anymore!
I have to take Pinterest with a big ol’ grain of salt. And remember that Facebook posts – even from the, um, most prolific friends – only show a tiny speck of a person’s life. It just isn’t the whole story.
Mary Carver, whereever you are, you just need to know that this Nigerian girl loves you for this post.
The Influence Conf in Indy is where I’d love to be but I can’t be because well, I’m in Nigeria and I couldn’t afford travel costs if I’d saved up all year till now.
I’ll try really really hard to take your advice on skipping updates from online friends that ARE there. Thank you for this again
Oh wow – YES, it must be an even bigger challenge to be so far away from conferences and other experiences you read about! So yes, let’s just step away from the internet for those few days! WE can do it! :)
I’m sorry that you’ve struggled with being left out, or having to make the hard choice of not participating in things you’d really enjoy. But as you found with your daughter’s preschool transition, sometimes it’s for the best.
Fortunately I enjoy being home more than just about anywhere else, so I don’t often wish I were somewhere else. Add to that all the news reports about bedbugs in hotel rooms, and how hard they are to get rid of if you bring them home…and I’d rather sleep in my own bed anyway. :D :D :D
Oh, Kristy, your comment made me laugh so hard. If all else fails, I will just remember the bedbugs!!! :)
Hopefully I’ll remember the bedbugs when my daughter and I go up to Mackinaw City later this month. We’ll be checking those hotel rooms out before we commit to taking one. :D
I’m happy for my friends who get to go do cool things. I love seeing and commenting on pictures of their fun. Maybe it’s about contentment. I don’t have a perfect life, by any means, but I’m okay with where I am. Plus, home is my favorite place. :) This year has been about the STAYCATION. My kids and I have found many fun things in our greater metropolitan area to do and we’ve made it an adventure. I think the attitude of making it fun wherever we are – and not wallowing in self pity because we’re not on a dream vacation and “everyone else is” – has made a huge difference.