It’s been a rough season for me in the friendship arena.
I’ve felt rejected, disappointed, deserted and excluded. I’ve been certain that nobody likes me, nobody cares and if I were a couple decades younger I might just finish that little chant with, “I guess I’ll just eat worms.”
And speaking of younger days, I have definitely experienced a few flashbacks to those middle school years. The ones where I desperately wanted the cool girls to like me. Not because they were popular, but because I genuinely liked them. And, maybe just a little bit, because they were popular.
But they didn’t – or they didn’t for long. And that’s been a little bit how I’ve felt recently.
I don’t know about you, but when I struggle with friendship and community, it’s way too easy for me to move from thinking sad thoughts about the situation to thinking sad thoughts about myself.
If I were cooler, they’d like me.
If I shopped here or worked out there, they’d invite me to the party.
If I wasn’t such a dork, they’d want to hang out with me.
If I were thinner…
If I didn’t make so many stupid jokes…
If I had more time or more money…
If I weren’t so ME…
To be clear – these are actual thoughts I’ve had THIS YEAR. I’m not reminiscing about the awkward years of adolescence. Nope. I’ve actually let those words enter my 35-year-old brain.
Join me over at (in)courage, where you can read the rest of this post
and we can talk about what to do when these kinds of lies come up.
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