A couple weeks ago, Mark had to drive to Denver for work. To distract Annalyn from missing her daddy, I suggested a loud and rowdy dance party (since we have to be so quiet when he’s trying to sleep at home). Of course that meant, “Let It Go” and “Shake It Off.” As the old lady in the group, though, I insisted on my happy song: “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina & the Waves.
I know, it’s not cool to admit that I love that song. But I do. So there. Anyway, I found it on YouTube and while I was confused at the truly bizarre video, Annalyn was just perplexed by the lyrics.
“But what does that MEAN, Mommy? How can you WALK. ON. SUNSHINE???”
My word was “home,” and I wrote about how my home was not a place or a building; rather, my heart’s home was Mark. We’d been dating for two years then, and apparently I was an expert on love.
Our teacher decided to read some of our essays out loud, and she chose mine for the College English class that met in a different hour than mine. As soon as the bell rang after third hour, my friends from that class found me in the hallway. They told me our teacher had read my essay – and then cried.
Um…what?
Even now it’s weird to me, but then again, I cry all the time and at many awkward, inopportune, inappropriate times. So, who am I to judge?
Aside from some major weirdness (especially when said teacher felt it necessary to explain that she was not crying about what I wrote but simply crying over something personal – like that made it any better), that experience showed me the power of words – and my desire to make a difference in people’s lives with mine.
But as my career and dreams and life have twisted and turned and looped around (and sometimes made me dizzy), one thing has remained steady. I’ve dreamed of writing a book.
I know. Of course I have! I’m a blogger and that’s what bloggers do these days! True. But though my dream is not unique, it is mine. And unlike so many of my brilliant ideas and plans and I-think-this-is-my-callings, it’s stayed firmly lodged in my heart.
Two years ago I went to the Allume Conference. After a panel called, “So You Wanna Be Published?” I stood in line to speak with a literary agent. I didn’t really have anything big to tell him. Mostly just hello, thank you, and oh yeah, I want to write a book. Though he heard that very same thing from the whole line of women waiting in that conference room, he was gracious and said I should call him.
He. Said. I. Should. Call. Him. WHAT???
Seriously, I did not know what that meant. Did I literally have to pick up the phone? Or could I send a much less-scary email? Did I need to have a proposal written first? I probably did. Yes, I’m sure I did.
And so I didn’t call him. I thought about it a lot. I wrote, “Write proposal,” on all of my to-do lists. For a year.
Long story short (because I have been trying to write this post all week and am not sure I could ever get all the details right for the long story…plus you might not want to read the whole long story if this pretty long story is the short version!), I got up the nerve to email a different agent last fall.
She insisted on a [terrifying] phone call, and once we talked, she asked me to write that full proposal and send it to her. So I did, and it was pretty good. But it wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready. Or something. But after she read it, that agent said that I had a good idea and she liked my writing, but it needed work.
That phone call happened on my birthday last year. I was thankful for the feedback and, even though I was disappointed that she wasn’t in love with every part of my proposal, I knew she was right and I was excited to finally be on the road to writing a book.
But my birthday is one week before Christmas, and I was nine months pregnant. So I made my list of changes to implement to the book proposal…and then the holidays happened. And then the baby happened. And then NOTHING happened.
I was okay with that, although I was back to writing, “Fix proposal,” on my to-do lists. I assumed that once the baby started sleeping more (and I started sleeping more), I’d slowly begin working on that project again.
I had to learn to wait on Him. Not just in word but in my heart.
And so, in hindsight I’m not surprised that it was only when I was forced to stop striving and take a breath that God moved. Oh, did He move. In a real, big, amazing way.
The agent I’d been talking with emailed me a couple months after Adrienne was born. She said she had a project to talk to me about, if I had time (what with me having a newborn and all). LIKE I WASN’T GOING TO MAKE TIME.
We talked, and she said that she needed a writer to turn a blog into a book. Basically. (Again, short version here.) (Kind of.)
Sara Frankl, known to many online and off as Gitzen Girl, was a blogger who passed away three years ago. She was an (in)courage writer, a personal friend of mine, and a truly amazing person. And her family wants to continue sharing her message of choosing joy despite your circumstances in book form.
I’ll tell you lots more about Sara soon, and if you didn’t know her, you can read her blog here.
It’s funny. I’ve been trying to write this post for days. But it’s like the story is just too big for words. And then when I looked back at the post I wrote right before Sara died, I had to laugh when I saw that I’d titled it, “No Words.” I didn’t have words then, either.
But I’m the one helping turn Sara’s blog into a book.
I am co-writing Sara’s book, “Choose Joy: The Decision That Changes Everything,” and it will be published by FaithWords, a part of the Hachette Book Group, in late 2015 or early 2016.
You guys. I am literally shaking and crying as I’m typing those words. I’ve been DYING to tell you about it! And now that I’ve gotten the go-ahead and I’m able to tell you, for real, officially, I am just overwhelmed. Which is not new. I have been overwhelmed since that first phone call and pretty much every day since. The dots God has connected, the grace He has shown me – it’s all too much. I can’t wrap my mind or heart around it (though I hope to soon and tell you all about it). He is just too good.
So. There it is. My big announcement. I was hoping to publish this yesterday, because it was my birthday and it seemed fun to announce something this monumental on my birthday, especially after last year’s birthday brought the hard feedback on that original book proposal.
But, like I said, words are – ironically – not coming easily.
Fair enough. That is pretty much my life right now! On to a couple questions you probably don’t have but I’m going to answer anyway:
What does this mean for me?
Well, it means that I am on the verge of tears at almost every waking moment of my days. Re-reading Sara’s words, over and over, and then trying to connect them with my own – on top of not being able to shake this immense feeling of overwhelm at an undeserved gift from God AND the burden of stewarding my friends’ words well – has me feeling pretty raw most the time. Which is okay and, let’s be honest, not all THAT different from my normal.
It also means that I’m panicked a lot. The manuscript is due in March, and that is a tight deadline. The cool part is that I am 100% confident that only God could make that deadline happen – kinda, sorta, JUST LIKE He was the only one who could make this book project happen in the first place.
Because of that looming deadline and the way my schedule plays out, though, I’ve stopped working for (in)courage. I’ll still be a regular contributor, but I’m no longer working part-time behind the scenes on editing and social media.
Lastly, this project doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on my original book idea. It just means that God knew I wouldn’t have the brain and heart space for it in this year or so after having a baby. And maybe I wasn’t ready for that book yet anyway. It’s still on my heart and my mind, so my hope is that it will still happen someday.
What does this mean for you and this blog?
It means that I’ll probably continue blogging sporadically over the next three months – and then come back with a renewed focus in the spring. Sorry! I have scheduled a few posts for the rest of this calendar year – a couple reposts from last December, and a couple fun ones as well. I plan to write a “state of the blog” post in the next couple of weeks, too, but we’ll see how that goes.
Most importantly, this means that I owe you – my friends – a HUGE thank you. Thank you for reading my words all these years, for encouraging me with your comments and emails and likes and shares. Thank you for your kind words and your friendship. Thank you for sticking with me through the sponsored posts and the list posts and the rambling posts and the boring posts. Thank you for being the community that I needed so desperately when I decided to start a blog. Thank you for giving me the courage to say, “I AM going to write a book!”
And this means that over the next year and a half, I’m going to be talking to you more about choosing joy. Sara’s message and mine aren’t all that different, so I’m comfortable writing about choosing hope and joy through the lens of giving up on perfect. I think I’m going to learn a lot through this, and when I do I’m going to want to share it with you. And, of course, when it comes time for that book to get printed on paper and put on shelves, I’m going to talk about it. I might ask you to talk about it if you want. And I’ll try not to be annoying, but I already know that you’re going to love this book. So I’m going to tell you about it. I can’t WAIT to tell you about it!
As I drove home from shipping my signed contract, I looked down at myself and thought about how glamorous my life is now. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d showered, and I wasn’t sure where that stain on my shirt had come from. My hair is in desperate need of a trim, and my car is so tiny the four of us can barely fit in it. The home I was driving back to still hasn’t sold and we’re still busting at the seams of its tiny walls. And my office is the worn-down cushion of my peeling leather couch in my living room that’s too small for a Christmas tree this year.
But as I pushed buttons, searching for a good radio station, I had to smile when I heard those familiar lyrics. “Now every time I go for the mailbox gotta hold myself down, ’cause I just can’t wait ’til you write me you’re coming around.”
I may not be glamorous, and I may be overwhelmed and nervous. I may take more than 2,000 words to make one little announcement. But I am pretty sure I know what walking on sunshine feels like.
Photos by Jesus Solana, Derek Gavey and Holly Victoria Norval.
I’m confused. Yesterday was your birthday?? That’s not what I thought, and not what Facebook told me. :P
I don’t really have anything profound to say, but congratulations! And I’m praying. :) I understand the feeling of it feeling overwhelming, like trying to find the words, it just being too big. I couldn’t do it. Or wouldn’t want to anyway, because I’d feel so overwhelmed! But obviously you’ve had lots of practice, and, like you said, God chose it for you! It will be an awesome book. But I know it’ll be a tear-jerker too. :/
Oh, and I’ve always thought that if I ever made my own workout playlist (or mix CD?), Walking on Sunshine would be one of the first songs I’d include. :) Maybe also “The Middle.” :)
Love this. Love you.
Huge congratulations to you!!! This experience can only help in bringing you closer to your dream of writing your own book. Go get em!
I loved reading EVERY SINGLE WORD of this even though I knew so much of it. Honey, for a girl with no words, you sure have a way of saying something. :)
You are the perfect writer to steward Sara’s words and I’m thankful you’re finding a way to do so; hers is a story worthing of telling (re-telling), and the combination of your two voices is a special thing.
Well done…and well do-ing. With God in this, it’s beautiful to watch how this story continues.
Much love to you (and many prayers!).
xo
Profoundly moved and grateful to God for how He’s woven this story and praying with you, friend… right there with you, praying. You are so loved.
Choose Joy!
I have chills and am pretty sure I’m getting ready to cry, which all seems a little silly because you’d already told me much of this story. Even so, I’ve been a little emotional about nothing and everything lately and your post here reminded me that God is in the details! (Didn’t I just write an ebook about that?!) I’m excited for you and grateful for how God connects the dots for you, for me, for anyone and everyone. xoxo
I love that song too and I love this post! :-) I remember reading your “No Words” post and crying. I am so excited for you that you have the opportunity to help immortalize her words in a book. What a huge blessing to everyone involved–you, her family, and the readers–and what an amazing way to honor your friend! You can and will make the deadline. God certainly set you up for this. Congratulations!!
Congratulations, Mary! I’m so excited for you! P.S. Happy Birthday. :)
Big congratulations! How splendid to see the unfolding of a dream lining right up with God’s timing and your trust. Faithfulness int he small leads to more – always.
yesssss!!! So happy for you. This post is chock-full of awesome! Can’t wait to read the book!
I’m SO proud of you! I’m praying for you every day, and can’t wait to read your book!
Congratulations! Though I don’t know you personally! I am so happy for you!!! Reading your post gave me goosebumps of excitement for you-you will be amazing!
I’m so happy for you, and I cannot wait to read the book! I love it when someone’s hard work pays off so wonderfully!
Happy belated birthday and very big congratulations. This is huge! Wish you all the very best. Exciting times ahead xxx
Wow! Yay! And CONGRATULATIONS! I am so happy for you! What an honor…I have heard about Sara and read just a tiny bit on her. What a soul! Thank you so much for sharing this great news with us. I know God will be with you every step of the way as you write this book, and of course I will be praying for you as well! God IS good! And I love that song too! Walking on Sunshine is good – but walking on Sonshine is even better! This must be a week for God to favor us! I had a ‘walking on sunshine’ day this week too – although it did not involve writing. :) And last night at our women’s small group bible study, which I co-facilitate and am leading at this time, it seemed most of the ladies had an awesome ‘praise’ from God to share! He is our everything!!
May you have a blessed Christmas!
Oh, Mary!!!!
My main emotion in reading this is: ABOUT TIME!
Cannot wait to read all the words of your book. ;)
Oh, my goodness! Of all the people (bloggers, even) they could have chosen to help with Gitz’s book, they chose you! That puts you into some pretty rarefied air right there. What an important task you have in front of you. I pray God’s richest blessings on you.
Thank you Mary for working so hard to bring this book to a publisher. You’re keeping Sara’s light and story alive! And your fulfilling your own dream too. Thank you.
Yep. Pretty darn excited for this. Proud of you! For lots of reasons.
Congratulations!!!
{Melinda} I am so, so happy for you! What an amazing project you get to be a part of! Congratulations!!
I love this and I love you! I’m happy dancing with you, friend.
Beautifully written….and just so you know, I think you are perfect for this overwhelming and wonderful journey! Thank you for saying yes and walking with us!!
Wow, wow, wow. So very excited for you, Mary.
Mary. This is SO amazing. I am so so so so happy for you! I remember meeting you years ago at that She Speaks conference, and I thought you were the funniest person. I just love your way with words. I still enjoy your writing, and conversing over the not-so-scary internet. (I hate the phone too.) I cannot WAIT to read your FIRST of what I am sure will be MANY books. xoxoxoxo
Mary, I am so happy for you. I know you will do a great job.
Congratulations!
Linda
Congratulations! I love where you talked about God’s perfect timing. So true! He is the power in you to make this happen. One thought about your feeling of being overwhelmed…this is in “Grace for the Good Girl”–“We have a God who sees and cares and notices. He will not come undone. He remains un-overwhelmable.” I can’t tell you how many times a day I repeat that because I often feel overwhelmed at life. I pray this encourages you!
I’m so excited!!! Sara was an such a beautiful person. I knew her in college. I think about her every day and the way that she chose joy has changed my life.
I don’t know you & I’ve only read half this post but I’ve already got chills. I knew Sarah & work @ St. Stephen the Witness Catholic Student Center where Satah worshipped. Please know we will ALL be praying for you & will anxiously await the release of this amazing book!
Congratulations! Can’t wait to read the book, i loved reading Sara’s blog, and am sure Sara’s book, “Choose Joy: The Decision That Changes Everything,” will be encouraging and inspiring for many in the future :)
yes, yes, yes!! love this, mary. choose joy!
Congratulations!!!!! So thrilled for you . :)
I am so, so excited for you! Loved hearing more of the backstory.
I can’t believe I just got around to reading this. I’m so happy for you! Sara’s words couldn’t have been trusted to anyone better to package them and share them with the world.
Congrats and good luck. What a blessing to be a part of! I think sometimes the words in our minds are so big it is hard to get out. We want our stories to come out as perfect as they sound in our mind. We can be perfectionists in that way when we value something as much as you value what this book will bring others. I bet by the time you are done writing it, the book will actually change you even more than it will change others upon reading it.
Congratulations! That is so exciting, and what an amazing opportunity to continue your friend’s words.
I don’t know how I missed this, but WOW and CONGRATS!! I am thrilled for you. What a great and meaningful opportunity.
And I am slightly perplexed by these 3000 tweets if you don’t like twitter! haha.
Thanks so much, Erica! (I tweet because I must. Sigh. Blogging is hard. [insert eye roll at self here…]) :)
Oh how I LOVE this post!! I am SO EXCITED for you friend! What an incredible project to be working on – I can’t wait to read it. I will be praying for you as you write – know I am cheering you on from Texas. CONGRATULATIONS! Blessings and Love to you, friend!
Thank you so much!! :)
I’m the worst blog friend ever and just reading this. MARYY!!!!! Celebrating with you. I love that her story is going to continue and love that you’re writing it. Beautiful story and post. CONGRATS!!