A friend came over to visit and while she was at my house, she used the bathroom. Later, I mentioned that a book I’m reading about cleaning and organizing was making me feel lousy about my own less-than-stellar housekeeping.
I was completely shocked when she replied: “Well, every time I come to your house, your bathroom is spotless. How about not cleaning it once in a while, so I don’t feel so bad about my house?”
What? That’s crazy. I awkwardly shrugged off the comment, admitting that I had cleaned a little bit earlier in the day, but it was no big deal.
Later that night I walked into the bathroom and I had to chuckle. When I looked into that tiny room, I saw cat hair on the baseboards, an empty toilet paper roll sitting on the counter, a stray ponytail holder sitting on the sink and more water spots and toothpaste splatters than I could count.
That’s when it hit me: We see what we want to see.
A few years ago I realized that my good friend and co-worker had a bad habit of refusing to accept compliments. If I said, “Hey, your hair looks cute!” she’d reply with an exaggerated rebuff: “Seriously? I haven’t washed it in four days!” Or if I mentioned that I liked her shirt, she’d assure me that she’d had it since college and got it on the clearance rack, to boot.
My friend is smart, funny and beautiful, but she was choosing to see something else entirely.
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you see a woman who works hard and loves harder? Do you see eyes full of wisdom and compassion, arms that carry groceries and fingers that write out letters and posts and songs? Do you see someone created and blessed and gifted and loved by God?
Or do you see gray hairs winning the battle against time and color from a box? Do you see running mascara and lipstick sunk into the creases of a mouth that hasn’t smiled since last week? Do you see tired eyes, flabby arms, knobby knees?
Me? I see a face that has sweated off any traces of makeup and eyes that say, “Go to bed. It’s late.”
But I also know that face sweated while changing yet another load of laundry so her husband would have a clean uniform to wear tomorrow, while hurrying her daughter into the bath after she ran her peanut butter-covered fingers through her hair, and while flailing around kicking and punching through a workout she didn’t feel like doing but did anyway.
Okay, maybe I see the spots of toothpaste and dust particles that never seem to be absent from my bathroom mirror, too.
But I have a choice. I can choose what I see when I look at myself, at my life. I can see all the bad things, the ugly parts – or I can see the beauty and the goodness. So today, I’m going to see what I want to see.
And while I may never manage to see a “spotless” bathroom that my friend saw, I see a room that’s clean enough and serves its purpose. And a woman who’s good enough and today, served her purpose, too.
The LORD does not look at the things people look at.
People look at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.
(1 Samuel 16:7b)
What do you see when you look around your home?
What do you see when you look at your life?
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you see what you want to see?
This post may be linked to these amazing carnivals and link parties.
This post was originally published at (in)courage. Photo source.
This is great! Thanks for this reminder!
I struggle with this. All. The. Time. I have prayed more often than I can count that God would give me new eyes. His eyes. I long to see the world through His perfection, rather than through those my inner, relentless critic. “Create in me not just a new heart–but new EYES!”
Great reminder, Pam – to see with His eyes, not our own!
This is is so beautiful, and definitely something I needed to hear. I love that idea that sometimes our messiness can encourage others that it’s okay for them to be messy too! Thanks for sharing!
Yes, exactly, Lauren! I’m so encouraged when other people are transparent and brave enough to share their messy parts!
The easiest way to get an objective view is to take out your phone and take pictures of everything and really look at them. It is eye opening. It removes the emotional viewpoint and just lets you see what is really there. I know my tolerance. I’m not happy if there are any dirty dishes or even clean ones left out, that’s just me. I need my horizontal surfaces clear before bed. I have some real areas that need work, like mail, putting away clean laundry instead of just putting it in the rooms it goes in, and my laundry room, which always seems to look ugly, and putting clean dishes away instead of leaving them out to dry. But I don’t think that toilet paper rolls left out and other junk is OK. It only takes less than a minute to put that stuff where it goes, so in that, I don’t agree with the author. If I can push myself for one more minute, just one, it often makes a huge difference.
Awesome! Thanks for this, Mary.
Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed, Greg reminds me to get a new perspective. It kind of annoys me in the moment, but it’s so true. That’s what this most (in a non-annoying way) reminded me to think about this morning. I especially love this: “I can choose what I see when I look at myself, at my life. I can see all the bad things, the ugly parts – or I can see the beauty and the goodness.” Well said, friend.
Your comment reminded me about the CHOOSE part of this – and that we can EITHER look at the bad parts or we can focus on the good ones. Also, I definitely get annoyed when someone mentions perspective when I’m still struggling. :)
Fantastic reminder! Good enough and served my purpose. I love that!
LOVE this :) When I get a compliment, I cringe and try to force myself to say, “Thank you!” I am getting better at this practice, but the voice in my head says, “I got it on sale. Oh, no, it’s a mess. You should have seen it yesterday…” I do better when I remember that encouraging words offered in love should not be rejected. I try to think of the complement as a gift…and when you get a gift you say thank you…no matter what! When I think about NOT rejecting my friend, accepting the compliment is easier. :) It also helps me to remember that rejecting compliments is just another form of vanity…this keeps me humble enough to just say “Thanks” and be done with it! :)
I love that, Britta – thinking of a compliment as a gift! That’s a great way to look at it, especially when deciding how to respond.