31 Days :: I’m Not Sorry

by Mary Carver | Oct 1, 2015 | Giving Up on Perfect | 21 comments

Welcome to Giving Up on Perfect and my 31 Days series!

If you’re new here for my 31 Days series, thanks for joining us! I’m going to spend the next month writing about all the ways and all the things I’m just not sorry for anymore. I think this is going to be fun! So if you’re new and want to know more about me or about this blog, click over to my about page. But come back quickly because we have lots to talk about!

********************************************When I was in high school my mom read a magazine article about how women apologize too much. The author of the article recommended that, when receiving bad news, women should say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” instead of, “I’m sorry.”

After all, if your grandma broke her hip, it’s not my fault. So I shouldn’t say, “I’m sorry.”

My mom told me about that article and made sure I told my best friend, too, so we could stop apologizing so much and be stronger and more precise with our language. The trick to this language swap is to make sure your sincerity comes through, because saying, “I’m sorry to hear that,” can easily sound fake. But we practiced and became pros at using this new-to-us phrase. To this day, I’m pretty sure all three of us still say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” out of habit.

The topic of how much women apologize isn’t new, but the way I’ve been thinking about it is. At least it’s new for me.

See, as I have written about and learned about giving up on perfect, I’ve realized I have a grace problem. And that’s connected to a problem accepting myself (and, sometimes, others), while I find myself in a fruitless, frustrating fight to be someone I was never created to be.

And when I fail? (Because of COURSE I fail. Trying to be someone else is never a strategy for success!) When I fail, I’m embarrassed. Ashamed, really. And so I apologize. When I come face to face with my the ways I am lacking, the ways I don’t measure up to the person I’m trying to be, I am sorry. So I say I’m sorry, or I say something that means I’m sorry. Or I do things or speak in ways or treat my relationships that all add up to: I’m sorry.

What I’ve been thinking lately is that all that apologizing is just one more way I’m trying to be perfect. And just like all my other attempts at perfection? It’s exhausting. And I don’t think all this trying…and failing…and apologizing is what God has in mind for my life, for me.

So this month, I’m giving it all a rest. I’m going to retire my tired apologies and give up, one more time, on being perfect. Will you join me? Will you find a few things that you’re not really sorry about – and quit apologizing for them? Will you, like I hope to, quit apologizing for being YOU and not someone else?

The easiest way to follow this series is to subscribe. Then each post will land right in your inbox! And at the end of this month, I’ll randomly select 10 subscribers to receive this Dayspring mug:

(The hashtag is just a suggestion. You can write whatever you want on your mug!)

You can also bookmark this post (or, even better, pin it!). I’ll add links to each post in this series to this post as we go along.

31 Days of Not Sorry

This post is part of the 31 Days Writing Challenge. To read all the posts in this series, click here. And to learn more about this challenge or to find more series to read, visit Write31Days.com. Apple photos courtesy of my brother, James.

21 Comments

comealivejenn on October 1, 2015 at 7:11 am

What a great idea. I loved your smiling face on your blog and the idea that we do not have to be perfect. I am giong to have to think about how often I apologize or say I am sorry . Blessings on your 31 days
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:48 pm
  
  Thanks so much, Jenn!
Crystal S. on October 1, 2015 at 11:59 am

Love this! And your new site is beautiful, your headshot is stunning, and I’m so glad you’re doing the 31 Days challenge :) xoxo
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:49 pm
  
  Thank you, friend! I’m glad I’m doing it, too! (I mean, check with me in about 20 days, but for now, I’m totally psyched!) ;)
Christen on October 1, 2015 at 12:00 pm

Love the idea of your 31 days series Mary! Your blog design is so pretty too :)
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:49 pm
  
  Thanks so much, Christen!
Devi Duerrmeier on October 1, 2015 at 12:29 pm

Hi Mary, I’m a first-timer to your blog, but I clicked over because I just loved the idea of 31 days of not sorry, and I was curious what you meant by it. I’m going to join you here for this in October, I say sorry all the time and would love to think and live this differently.
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:50 pm
  
  Hi Devi! Thanks for joining me for the month! I’m hoping we can all learn a little something about ourselves as we work through this topic together.
Lina Rochette Hill on October 1, 2015 at 1:27 pm

Excellent Mary! I love your insight and am looking forward to this journey with you as I deeply need it as well. I am not Martha Stewart but parts of me want to be… so, who am I instead? Let’s do this!

Best, Lina
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:50 pm
  
  LINA. “Who am I instead?” – I LOVE THIS. This is the question we need to be asking, and I am so glad you just put it into words for us! Or for me. Whatever! I am going to be thinking about this part of the equation for a while…
carol525 on October 2, 2015 at 8:32 am

Well I have no problem not being perfect (obviously), but I do have a problem relaxing in that and letting God work on me in His time! Great reminder here!
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:51 pm
  
  YES. It’s one thing to admit that we’re not perfect (like you said, duh!) but to truly accept that and believe it’s okay is another. I’m definitely a work in progress in that (and in everything)!
Erica Layne on October 2, 2015 at 3:42 pm

I think this is AWESOME. So true and truly needed!
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:51 pm
  
  Thanks, Erica! I think it’s going to be good!
Holly Fish on October 3, 2015 at 9:04 am

Oh, I’m so grateful that you are writing this. I’m in a super tough situation right now in which someone “needs” me to be different than I am, and I felt alone in not being sorry!
(And I am always sorry for sin, my tough situation is outside of the realm of sin… its about spiritual gifts).
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 3, 2015 at 2:52 pm
  
  That is such a hard spot to be in, Holly. Be strong! God made you who you are for a reason, and He will use you with the exact gifts He’s given you for the exact purpose He designed you!
Emily McFarlan Miller on October 3, 2015 at 3:13 pm

This is a great idea for a series! I’ve read similar articles about women’s tendency to over-apologize. I’ve tried to stop doing it and to encourage other women when they say they’re sorry that there’s nothing to apologize for. I’m looking forward to reading more about this topic.
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on October 22, 2015 at 10:20 am
  
  Hi Emily! Your comment got trapped in my “pending approval” folder, so I am just now seeing it. I hope you’ve been enjoying this series, and I hope you’re having a great fall!
Julie Anne on October 3, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Oh, I have a feeling this is going to be a good series for me to follow along with!!
Saraborgs on October 30, 2015 at 7:41 pm

I LOVE the concept of your write 31 days series! I’m including a link to it on my 31 days series as well. It’s great — very real.
- Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect on November 5, 2015 at 9:00 pm
  
  Thanks so much, Sara!!

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