Well, it’s that time again. The time of year when the leaves turn and the temperatures drop, the time of year when we wax poetic about Octobers and start planning for the holidays. It’s the time of year when we eat NONSTOP like we are actually preparing for hibernation – and it’s the time of year when we realize our jeans are a lot less forgiving than our maxi skirts and yoga pants.

Or maybe that last part is just me?

My bed is currently covered in denim and tears. Pair after pair of jeans that I pulled out of my drawers, pulled onto my legs – and then peeled off and threw on the bed. Because they don’t fit. None of them. THEY DON’T FIT.

The comfy pair I’ve worn the past two years, with the broken belt loop in the back?
Don’t fit.

The stretchy pair in the weird color that I wore when my others were dirty?
Don’t fit.

The pairs with the tags that say they’re MY SIZE?
Don’t fit.

The pair I bought and never wore last year because they were too big?
Don’t fit.

Hence the tears.

Look. I have struggled with my weight since at least middle school. I barely remember a time when I liked what I saw in the mirror, and the thought of feeling comfortable in my skin is vague, like a dream or something that only happens to other people.

I’ve tried all sorts of weight loss programs and plans. And a few times, for a few weeks, it’s worked. Once I even lost 30 pounds. But that was before I had kids, and things are different (read: harder) now.

Each time I sign up for another weight loss program, I feel foolish. I’m embarrassed! Why do I think it will work THIS TIME? Why can’t I get some self-control and DO THIS, once and for all? How dumb am I to have a sliver of hope that this might be the program that finally helps me, the season in life that I finally find success?

And so I apologize. To my husband for the expense. To anyone involved with the weight loss program (“Yes, I’m already in the system.” “No, I don’t need a starter kit.” “Yeah, I know how the program works.”) To myself for all the failures that brought me to this point.

But no more. Why should I apologize for trying again? Why should I feel sorry for having hope, for not giving up, for staying determined to get healthy, to feel happy, to be a good example for my girls?

I shouldn’t.

So I’m not. I’m not sorry to try again, to start over again. And I’m excited about the new program I’m trying: Jenny Craig (with the Weight Loss Starter Kit).

Out of all my weight loss attempts, I’ve never tried Jenny Craig. I wasn’t sure I’d like all the food, and I didn’t want to make the investment and then end up with a bunch of food I couldn’t make myself choose over just ordering a pizza again.

But now I’ve been able to try out the program for a few days without signing up for the whole program. Sold exclusively in Walmart (at participating stores, in the diet/weight loss aisle), the Jenny Craig Starter Kit is a box with three days of food and lots of info to get you started on the Jenny Craig weight loss program.

The starter kit includes 23 meals and snacks, a menu and grocery list, $50 in coupons for Jenny Craig food, and a free initial personal one-on-one consultation at any Jenny Craig center (or on the phone). It also has lots of information about the program and the foods available this season.

It really is a great way to try out the program without investing in a whole month of food! Plus, assuming you join, you can save $50 on food. I can’t argue with that!

Now, you might be wondering: How WAS the food?

Some of it was good and some of it was clearly diet food. And, I’ll be honest, when I first opened the box I felt like I must be looking at toy food or a children’s kit. Because it was NOT a lot of food!

Except…it actually was. Once I unpacked it and read the menu (which pointed out that I needed to add lots of fresh fruit and vegetables to each day), I realized it was plenty. Although I did understand how I was going to lose weight eating this way. It’s definitely different than my last three days’ worth of food – in a good way!

I didn’t actually love the shakes, although I’m going to try another one. Maybe it will grow on me. Predictably, I did love the peanut butter chocolate bar.

So I’m giving this thing a try. Trying to lose weight. Starting over. AGAIN. And, no matter how many times in a row I’ve tried this and failed, no matter how foolish my insecurities want me to feel about it, I’m not going to apologize. I’m actually PROUD of myself for trying again – and I’m glad I found a new way to do it!

I was provided a free Jenny Craig Weight Loss Starter Kit. However, the opinions expressed and refusal to apologize are entirely my own.

What do you need to try again or start over?

This post is part of the 31 Days Writing Challenge. To read all the posts in this series, click here. And to learn more about this challenge or to find more series to read, visit Write31Days.com. Apple photos courtesy of my brother, James.