Have you seen those shirts that say, “I love Jesus, but I cuss a little”? I don’t have one, but I may understand that sentiment, a little. A while back I posted my own version on Facebook: “I’m a feminist, but sometimes I really like country music.” And who hasn’t heard a parent or teacher say, “Do as I say, not as I do”?
My point is that most of us are hypocrites in one way or another.
Becoming a parent has been illuminating in all the hardest ways for me. Seeing my own bad habits and behaviors mimicked by my daughters is a punch in the gut, the sharpest conviction I’ve known. Thanks to my kids, I’ve learned so much about grace and courage and failure, about leaning on God’s strength and being confident in who He made me to be. It’s good, really, being faced with my own faults in such a glaring way.
Well, you know, if by “good” I can also mean “painful and sometimes a little bit annoying because personal growth is hard, darn it.”
I tell my kids they need to eat more veggies and that too many chips will give them a stomachache. I tell them over and over that our house is not a trash can, that they need to put away their things. And a surefire way to make me go from zero to irate is by rolling your eyes at me — something both my darling daughters have dared in their lifetimes.
Of course, you can probably guess (or you already know) that I’m a chip-loving, veggie-hating, eye-rolling slob at times.
Do as I say, kids…
Obviously some things are permissible for adults but not for kids. And when it comes to different choices among adults, I’m good with Paul’s explanation in the book of Romans that what works for some might not work for others, that those decisions are between each person and God. However, never has my hypocrisy been more evident than when I give my oldest daughter guidelines for reading.
She’s a bookworm, like her mother. And I love that about her! She’s so much like my husband that it’s a treat to see something of myself reflected in her personality. We really do have fun talking about books and sharing that interest. But the mother-daughter bonding goes awry every time I try to guide her in good reading habits.
Read one book at a time.
Don’t dog-ear the pages!
If you start a book, you should finish it.
Read books of a series in order.
Don’t stay up all night reading!
These are all reasonable recommendations, right? Good guidelines that will help her comprehend what she’s reading, create good habits, and grow as a reader in general? Yes, I think so. Unfortunately, these are also all rules that I have regularly broken in my nearly four decades of reading.
Oops.
My daughter balks against these rules for reading simply because she doesn’t like to be told what to do or to do what she’s told. She doesn’t realize yet that I’m instructing her to do things I frequently don’t do myself. When that day comes I plan to bring reason that you must learn and follow the rules before you can break them (like in music or art or writing). But I suspect that will only result in more eye-rolling (possibly on both our parts).
Once we get past the eye-rolling, I hope we can talk about how knowing the right thing to doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy to do the right thing. We’ve certainly had that discussion before and, as my girls grow, I know we’ll have it again. I suppose I’ll just chalk up this future confrontation — I mean, teachable moment — to one more unexpected way we learn by reading books.
Until then I find myself chuckling when I urge my daughter to finish one book before she starts another, knowing full well that I am in the middle of no less than four books at the moment. Perhaps one day she’ll teach me to be a better reader. After all, she’s been teaching me to be a better person her whole life.
Do you have any rules for reading (for yourself or for others)? Do you always follow them?
Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash
Love this! I think I’ve broken every single one of your rules, except for reading a book in a series out of order. I LOVE reading! The only ‘rules’ I have for my boys about reading is that we will read together before bed, and that they should treat books with respect. I’m sure when they get older and become independent readers I’ll have more rules/recommendations for them. I hope they’ll love reading like I do, but so far, they’re not really into books.
I hear from other moms that it’s harder to cultivate a love of reading in boys than it is in girls. Although, different kids are just different; my oldest is a HUGE reader and my youngest really isn’t (yet). I think your rules about reading together before bed and treating books with respect are perfect!
Hi Mary! I completely agree with you, most of us are hypocrites in one way or another. We don’t mean to be, it just happens. But this lesson in teaching your daughter the “rules” of reading is a great example to take a look at how we may be a hypocrite and then correct it. Thanks for a this reminder to examine my heart and intentions. Blessings to you and your family!
Visiting you from Faith on Fire linkup today. Glad to be your neighbor there!
Thanks for visiting, Connie!
My rules for reading – I don’t know that I have any rules – I use bookmarks and do not turn turn down the pages. I usually have a few books that I am reading at the same time.
Maybe it’s better not to have a lot of rules! Another commenter here said her library encourages people to READ and USE the books more than following any set of rules. I love that!
I chuckled to myself while reading this. I think of the shows that I make my kids neatly like on the stairs or the items I ask them to put away as my work bag still sits in the middle of the couch.
YES – you get it! Oh well, when they’re grown-ups they can pick the rules they ignore, too, right? :)
Mary, I think back when my daughter was younger and I did the same with don’t fold the pages :) Now she is in college and reads mostly on her computer-I still like actual books in my hand(part of that is the author in me :) ) and I try really hard to use post it notes instead of folding over pages. I’m visiting from Coffee for Your Heart.
Thanks for visiting, Kathleen! I’m all the time offering my daughter post-its for bookmarks! :)
I read all the books at the same time! I don’t mean to… but too often that is what happens! If I find I can’t keep them straight, I will set one or two aside or focus only on the one until I am done. But most of the time, my Currently Reading stack is tall!
A newer ‘rule’ I have given myself: It’s ok to not finish it! This one is hard… but man, with ErmaGherdBerks, right? I’ve decided to cut myself some slack and realize that not all words are meant for me and not all of them are going to rock my world! So I put the book aside for awhile. If I pick it up again and have the same issue, I give it away…
Yes. I’ve had to let myself off the hook for “quitting” books, too. I still feel a little guilty and a little disappointed, but better that than to not get to the next (hopefully better) book!
I used to have rules for reading. Then I had kids! I was freed from the “no dog-eared corners” rule when the local public library started putting slips of paper in each book demanding us to ENJOY the books and USE them and EVEN dog-ear the pages. I figured, if the library is okay with folded corners, I can be, too. I no longer read all night because I can’t function on no sleep anymore. And I’ve learned to give up on reading a book that I’ve made an earnest effort to enjoy but that truly seems like an utter waste of my valuable time.
I like your line: “you must learn and follow the rules before you can break them”. I think that’s exactly what I did with my reading rules.
Oh, what a kind gesture from your library! And smart – to help people focus on loving books instead of being afraid to use them. Love it!
Hello fellow reader! Our rules for reading are the same! lol.
I loved your honesty in this post. Very refreshing!
Blessings,
Thanks for reading, Karen!
I break all of the reading rules you gave your daughter, lol. :) :)
Me too, Teresa. Me too. :)