The other day I drove a few hours to have lunch with my friend and her kids. Annalyn had the day off school, so I figured why not? and we took a little road trip. To see our friends. And their baby. Did I mention the baby? We might have been mainly there for my friend’s tiny, adorable one-month-old baby boy.
No, I mean we were there to see all of them. ANYWAY.
I was telling my friend about how difficult it is to fix dinner because every single night I walk into the kitchen with Adrienne toddling behind me, asking, “Cook? Cook? Hot?” Yes, I tell her, it’s time for me to cook dinner. And then she cries and screams nonstop until somebody picks her up or dinner is ready.
SIGH. It’s a problem.
My friend had a great idea. She said I should get a carrier and haul my giant toddler around the kitchen while I slave over the hot stove. And I asked if she remembered who she was talking to and reminded her that I don’t actually like to hold my baby every second of the day.
Or, something like that.
See, my friend and I are not exactly the same kind of moms. I mean, other than IN ALL THE WAYS THAT MATTER like loving our kids and working really hard to be the best mothers we can be and being so grateful to God for the gift of our kids and also being so exhausted for the same reason.
But she babywears. I – as you may have surmised – do not. I had both my babies via c-section; she did it the other way. She breastfeeds; both my girls were given formula from the get-go. We both use disposable diapers, but if she tells me tomorrow she’s switching to cloth, I won’t be surprised. We just do things differently.
And yet we manage to be the best of friends anyway! Without apologizing to each other or expecting the other to apologize! It’s a mom miracle!
[That’s sarcasm, friends. It is not, in the slightest, a miracle.]
See, I don’t understand judging other moms for the valid-but-different choices they make. Yes, I understand the difficulty of making parenting decisions for yourself and the doubts that creep up no matter what you choose. And I understand that convincing yourself that you’ve made the right choice requires you to dredge up a whole lot of passion that just might spill over to your friends who make different choices.
But seriously? Even when I’m feeling nervous or insecure about the choices I’ve made, I don’t need you to apologize for your parenting choices. And even more? I’m not going to apologize for mine. Because I’m doing the best I can (and so are you). And those choices work for me – and for my kiddos.
Thinking about this topic reminded me of a video I saw last year that actually made me think of this particular friend. I love it, so here it is:
Do you ever feel the need to apologize for your parenting choices?
This post is part of the 31 Days Writing Challenge. To read all the posts in this series, click here. And to learn more about this challenge or to find more series to read, visit Write31Days.com. Apple photos courtesy of my brother, James.
Now it’s time for Works for Me Wednesday!
If this is your first time linking up with WFMW here, PLEASE read the guidelines I shared in this post. Highlights include linking your specific post, not the front page of your blog, and making sure to include a link back to this site in your WFMW. Thank you!!
I’m glad you’re comfortable with the parenting decisions, style and preferences you have, Mary. Too many moms are beating themselves up for not being like so and so or they are so busy trying to be like so and so that they miss being the incredible mom that God’s made them to be. Thanks for your take on this, my friend and thanks also for the linkup! :)
Thanks, Beth. I’m not always comfortable with my decisions, but the one thing I have learned as a mom is that God makes all sorts of moms. I’m not like her or her or her – and that’s okay. Because each of us is how God made us!
I love your site redesign. I keep scrolling through and clicking on links to see it all. Very refreshing, welcoming and easy to navigate! Thank you for hosting WFMW.
Thanks so much, Lisa!! I love it, too! :)
Lovely, Mary. Sometimes we forget we are different people with different choices as long as we love love our kids and do what is best for them then I think that’s okay. I like this post, being grateful for the gifts God has given us is important.
Thanks for stopping by the other day! I am very grateful.
Blessings to you
Yes, that’s exactly it – gratitude for what God has given each of us is the key!
With my first child I was so focused on everyone’s view of my parenting choices. That went out the window with numbers 2 and 3. I make the best choices for my crew and that’s okay! So important for mama’s to do!
Great point, Anastasia. I am MUCH more relaxed about EVERYTHING parenting-related with my second than I was with my first!
If only more moms got this from the get go. I think it’s really our own insecurities that leave us questioning others choices and our own. Confidence in parenting doesn’t always come easy. Like Anastasia, I gave up on that when babies #2&3 came along, but can still feel the tension when I’m around other moms. Women default to comparing. Thanks for the reminder! I’m loving your 31 days series.
I definitely didn’t get this from the get-go. Well, I tried not to judge other moms, but I wasn’t secure in my own choices at all. Thankful for grace and growth as a mom and a woman!
i love my mom friends, even with all of their quirky oddities. No need to waste precious mom energy on comparison, it’s a trap! Thanks for the reminder.
Great point!! Mom energy IS precious and comparison would be a big waste! :)