This spring I read through my friend Emily’s book with a group of friends. Though I’d known these three women for several years, the Sunday nights we spent discussing Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman taught me so much about my friends. They shared stories I hadn’t heard before, and I did the same – because the book also taught me so much about myself.
More than once, as we answered the study question and shared our struggles and our lives, a new realization about why I am the way I am – and how different it is from what God wants for me – hit me between the eyes. I’ve written about wearing masks before, and I still struggle with feeling safe enough to be authentic instead of whatever I think you want to see. Grace for the Good Girl helped me work through some of those issues, but when we finished it, I knew my work and growing weren’t finished.
So when I was asked to review Emily’s book on the same topic for young women, I jumped at the chance.
Graceful (for Young Women): Letting Go of Your Try-Hard Life is written for girls of every kind. Chapters are written for the girl next door, the intellectual, the dreamer, the bystander and more. Because girls of all types – and ages – fight with expectations, the fear of not living up and the masks we wear to cover it all up.
Here’s a little more about Graceful:
As girls grow up, they are told to be nice, make good grades, don’t complain, serve the poor, find the right answer and above all be a good girl. But what happens when a girl’s identity is overshadowed by the idea of being “good” rather than being loved by God? The girl next door who hides behind her image, the activist who hides behind her causes, the bystander who hides behind her comfort zone – each of these girls needs to hear that she doesn’t have to try harder.
Freeman’s message to young woman: “You are not merely a rule-following, reputation-making, image-maintaining, responsible, intellectual good girl You are not just a girl who needs to try harder, do better, be more, look good, be perfect. You are not the boring one, the responsible one, the counselor, the peacemaker, the background friend, or the problem solver. These hiding places may have been helping you cope, but they are not who you are.”
“Life isn’t about trying hard to be good,” Freeman tells her readers. “It’s about trusting God to be graceful – to be specially marked by divine grace.” Through an honest look at the roles girls play, she helps them learn to stop trying and start trusting that the Jesus who came to save them also comes to live with them.
Do you know a teen girl who could benefit from letting go of her try-hard life? If you know a teen girl, then you probably do.
(Maybe she’s not even a teen. Or maybe she is you. I won’t judge if you want to read this one for yourself. After all, I’ve made it no secret that I adore many young adult books – and this one is no exception. As a matter of fact, after seeing the chapter titled, “The Intellectual: Hiding Behind Her Report Card,” it took me a full minute to remember that, Oh yeah, I haven’t gotten a report card in more than a decade. The point is, even though I’m no longer “a young woman,” this book totally spoke to me.)
No matter who you think should read Graceful, I’ve got exciting news! I’m giving away one copy of Graceful (for young women) by Emily P. Freeman.
To enter, leave a comment and tell me something about your high school years. Good, bad, stressful or joyful – just tell me something about who you were (or still are!) as a young woman.
The giveaway will close at midnight (CST) on September 16. Affiliate links are used in this post.
i don’t know, I blocked it out (does that count?)
I wasn’t a Christian in High School, but I was a goody goody. And, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I knew I was missing something. What a blessing when I learned that God loved me and wanted to help me be the best I could be.
I was a bit of a nerd in high school. I worked hard for good grades. I was also blessed to get along with most everyone! This sounds like a great book! :)
I was (and still am) a perfectionist. In highschoolers and into college I let those perfectionist tendencies to rule my relationship with food. I still struggle to have a healthy attitude about food, but have found much freedom in God’s abundant grace and abounding love. Emily Freeman’s message to women of all ages is one I wish I heard more of when I was younger and still need to hear!
During highschool I often felt left out and chose to work on my grades rather than relationships. I hid my insecurities behind my performance and toiled onward in the hope that achievement would validate my worth. I am so thankful for the several people that chose to look past my mask and love me regardless of who I tried to be. The highschool years were hard for me, but my story doesn’t end there. I am still on a journey but every step I take is with Gods grace, a step closer to becoming an authentic woman.
During high school, I was so miserable. I didn’t know who I was, but I knew I didn’t like who I was. Some days (30 years later) I feel those same feelings – but God is still at work – all the time – in me.
I grew up in high school feeling that I was unattractive & unwanted as a friend. Reading this blog post, I realized if I won this giveaway, I would give this book to the daughter of a friend who is in her last year of middle school & needs to know that she is precious & valuable. Thanks for the opportunity.
I never felt “in community” as you wrote about recently. I still don’t, and can’t imagine how nice that would feel. I was painfully shy…still am. I felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round world. It’s taken me awhile to realize God loves me as I am!!!
I have to pick one thing? So much to pick from good, hard and bad.
I think the most hard thing was watching my mom go through surgery/chemo after having colon cancer. She survived and went on to make good friends in a support group through the hospital.
Thank you for the giveaway!!
In high school, I was very insecure. The girls in my class left me out of alot of activities because they felt better than me I guess. Most of my friends were guys and we had lots of fun riding four wheelers, going to movies, and having pizza parties at my house. My house was always a zoo due to the fact that I have three brothers. I grew up in a Christian Home and I am so very thankful that God gave me such wonderful parents. Now that I am older, I see the importance of raising my daughter the way that I was raised.
Let’s just say that when I was in high school, I really could have used this book. In order to deal with tough things in life, I got good at being good. REALLY good at it. As I went into college, I carried this coping mechanism with me and continued to perfect the art of being a “good girl”. Finally, last year when I tore down those walls, the freedom was unbelievable. As a Director for High School and Young Adult Ministries at my church, I pray that I can help other young women, find freedom from the expectations of being a “good girl” and rest in what God’s abundant love and grace!
I was a teacher-pleasing, rule-following school newspaper editor in high school. I’d always liked school, but before graduation came I was so ready to move on. And that’s what I did when I enrolled in college four hours away from home at the opposite end of the state the following fall. I’m still a good girl, but my purpose and focus has shifted, thanks to God’s saving grace.
High school was fun and I was self-assured and happy … but I didn’t really blossom until college days. I would love to share this with a dear friend who will soon turn 16. I can hardly remember the possibilities of that age!
man, my high school years were tough. on a whim at the end of my junior year i decided to run for class president, and for some reason i’ve never figured out, i was elected. i spent all of senior year trying to stay true to who i was, to stand up to the “in crowd” {that sounds so high school movie, but it’s true} and not losing my integrity. i think i did alright :)
The worst thing about high school was bringing home any grade below a “B”. If I did, I was grounded until the next report card. (Nine weeks) Ugh.
I was so scared of speaking up in class. I would totally break down before a speech. I was one of the quietest bookworms. I wanted to meet theove of my life and have babies. But no guy was interested in me!
The two hardest part about high school was attending 3 different high schools and my mother dying when I was 16 and a junior in high school. I think I am just in recent years starting to come into my “own” life rather than live in the shadows of my mom.
Wow! This sounds like a great book. I was probably too legalistic in high school. I definitely struggled with hiding behind different masks in order to feel unique and significant. Worse than someone tearing off my mask and discovering that I was selfish or manpulative would’ve been someone tearing it off and finding me….gasp….boring!
I was the epitome of “good girl” and played the role very well.
I was really a goody-goody, partly because I wanted to be and partly because I “should” be. Like most teens, however, I made choices at times just to fit in even when I knew what I was doing was wrong. There were quite a few growing pains in high school, mostly because I learned the hard way that my “friends” weren’t really.
I would also like to say that if this book is anything like Grace For the Good Girl, then it will be fantastic! While I don’t have any daughters to share it with, I have nieces who would benefit from it. I also think it would be fantastic for the teenage girls I see in my counseling practice (just as Grace For the Good Girl has been beneficial to many of the adult women I see).