So, here I am. A stay-at-home mom. And it’s the end of Day 2. And…I’m bored. And slightly unmotivated, which is an oxymoron or ironic or something.
That’s not to say that I’ve accomplished all the things I put on my “when I’m staying home” list. Or even cleaned the kitchen floor or put away the laundry.
Actually, the biggest thing I’ve managed to do is unpack our 47 bags from vacation and balanced the checkbook {scary}. (And wash a bunch of laundry and cook two whole meals. If you’re counting. And yeah, I kind of am.)
I know it will take time. That I’ll get into a groove and settle into a schedule and find my way. And all that. I know.
But what I don’t know is how MUCH time it will take. Or just HOW to get from here to there.
For those of you who stay home, will you tell me how you organize yourself? Your schedule, your to-do list, your priorities? What gives your day purpose and structure and value? And how do you keep yourself from blowing hours online or taking a nap when your kids take naps?
How do you do it?
————————————————–
Can’t get enough of Giving Up on Perfect? Subscribe here, follow me on Twitter and join my Facebook page.
Maybe you’ll get another, brighter perspective from others, but I never thought I would get used to this staying home stuff and I was right. It’s been close to 4 years, but the end is not yet in sight. I’ll be looking forward to other responses here cuz i gotsta do sumthin differently :-).
Toby, I hope you’ve had time to read the other responses. These ladies have great ideas – I hope they help us both! (Thank you for your honesty. I really do appreciate it!)
For me, I realized we were in a good groove when I stopped counting the days and weeks of how long I’d been home. We eventually found groups and activities for most days which gave our weeks structure.
Not spending hours on the Internet, I still haven’t figured that one out. What else would I do during nap time? Clean? No way!
Nah, who needs to clean? :)
I’ve been a stay at home mom for nine years. It seems like I go through phases when I’m really productive and phases when I watch too much TV, spend too much time online and not cleaning.
For me, I’m all about schedules. And lists. I make a weekly to-do list, and I have a day that I grocery shop, a day that we hit the library, and when the local theaters matinee program is happening, we have a set day for that as well. When my kids were littler (they are all in school now), we had a weekly playgroup day with women from church as well.
Good luck in the transition! Don’t be too hard on yourself and enjoy that you can take a nap in the middle of the day, if you want. :)
Thanks, Amanda. I think I’m going to feel much better when I get my schedule and lists organized!
For us, it’s really helped to have breakfast as a family every morning. Cory knows he needs to get Eliza up at 7:00 and get her dressed while I work on making breakfast and getting myself and Rosie dressed. By 7:30, we’re all sitting around the breakfast table, dressed (sometimes I’m still in my PJ’s), and ready for the day. I think if we didn’t do this, I wouldn’t get everyone dressed until noon. And when everyone’s in their pajamas, it’s much easier to stay unmotivated. I also drink a cup of coffee in the morning, which gives me the energy I need to get going.
And napping while they nap? What’s wrong with that?
Ah, Sally, I love your philosophy on napping. :) I can’t remember – is Eliza going to a preschool or mom’s day out at all?
Hi, I found your blog from A slob comes clean.
I am still struggling with myself. I’ve only done the stay at home thing for a few months. For me, I need a Master List for the week. I mark things off if and when I can. I don’t stress if I didn’t do grocery shopping on Wednesday but Thursday instead. I do put expiration dates on some things though, like the book has to be back to library by 10/14/2010.
I do spend more time than necessary on the net or napping. But I don’t mind. I felt like a slave to the house and the idea of housewife when I first started out and these few things give me a break and help me keep my sanity. If mommas happy everybody will be happier.
good luck
Hi, Jamie. I like the idea of a weekly to-do list instead of daily. I might try that!
I found your link through Blog Frog and your post reminded me of my first days at home. Our second son was born in December and my husband and I decided that I would stay home with our two boys. December in Maine with a toddler and a newborn means that you rarely get out of the house–there were many days when I thought I would go CRAZY! I talked to my mom on the phone at least 2 times a day just to hear an adult voice! :)
In those early days I allowed myself to take naps with the boys and I allowed myself to relax with the housework {and still do!}. Each day my goal was pretty much to get the kitchen cleaned up in the morning, try to do some laundry and/or 1 other chore {rotate them each day}, make supper for the family in the evening and try to get the toys put away before my husband came home.
I still follow this schedule. I’m not so overwhelmed if I have things broken up this way throughout the day. Some days I find that I can get more done and some days I don’t. When my children bring me books and toys to play with, it is very easy to put everything aside and spend time with them.
As far as getting motivated–I’ve noticed that if I get right in the shower in the morning {instead of sitting down to watch the morning news}, I am MUCH more motivated. As soon as I sit down–forget it. There are some days when I just can’t seem to get going and I tell myself that that’s ok too. On these days I usually start cleaning and picking up a couple of hours before my husband gets home and then start supper so that it will be ready when he gets home.
One thing that has also helped–once or twice a week after we’ve had supper I head to the library by myself or with my oldest for some one-on-one time. It may seem like such a small thing, but getting out of the house and doing something that you really enjoy and seeing other adults even for a short time really helps {and it’s free!}.
I still have good days and bad days and on those tough days when I can’t seem to get out of my own way, I try to remember the reason that we decided I would stay home–so that I could nurture and teach our children–not to keep a perfect looking home! :)
Getting the shower done first thing is HUGE for me. If I don’t shower right away, I am LAZY!!! I like how you had your main priorities for every day and could be lax on the other things. Sounds good to me!
Schedules and projects!
Granted, I have no idea what it’s like for a healthy person to be at home- I have trouble keeping up with the housework and so rarely have nothing to do- but if I were healthy I’d be going stir crazy- basically my illness is my job- and now I’ve taken on more (work at home part time) jobs- but anyways…
Schedules! Have Annalynn help you figure out how you’re going to schedule your time with her- playtime, reading time, outside time, cooking/baking time, chore time (I’m all about doing housework together or at least so that the kids can see you do it) etc. We survive on schedules- especially with the whole sick mommy/hyperactive children dynamic! The only part of our day that is unpredictable for the kids is “Family time” every evening. I’m starting to think we’re going to have to make that more scheduled as well- game night, shopping night, etc- as Aiden is needing more structure with school stress.
Is Annalynn in preschool? Does she nap? Now that we have both kids in school, that time is me time- to work, to do projects, to read blogs etc. No house work! I find making lists for this time is particularily helpful so I have something to look forward to and don’t just sit around wondering what I could be doing. Although that also makes me feel like I never get enough done. :)
It will get better!
She is in preschool and takes an afternoon nap. It’s great because it automatically adds structure to our days (and sanity to my brain)!
You’ll get there. It takes time. What feels boring now will eventually smooth out into “relaxing.” Having JUST enough time to get stuff done during the day, without feeling rushed and stressed and overwhelmed (right now, you’d probably call that “normal” — it doesn’t have to be). I’m not one of those housewives who will go on and on and be a martyr about getting lots of stuff done. First, because… yeah my house is kind of a mess. And second, because it really is NOT as hard as doing everything around the house AND juggling a job (I mean, I assume you were already cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, etc). I know that the full-time-with-a-kid thing will take some adjustment, but really, you will find good ways to fill your days.
For me, we have some structure, but it’s pretty flexible — this is our morning routine (afternoons are full of naptime, mommy computer time, then getting dinner on while the kids play with toys in the living room) —
Mondays – Nathan at preschool, I grocery shop or do a playdate with anneliese.
Tuesdays – playground or library or playdate
Wednesdays – both kids in school, I do some farm deliveries or just RELAX at home
Thursdays – cleaning. kind of. or making baby food. or groceries if I didn’t do it monday. this is my “get stuff done” morning.
Friday – Nathan in preschool, I do laundry and have mom-daughter time at home.
Erin, that’s such an interesting point that I hadn’t thought of – having just enough time to get things done will become my new normal! I like the sound of that. :)
I have no words of wisdom as I am neither stay at home nor a mom, I just empathize because it is weird when I stay home for just a couple of days for a staycation. Hope you find your groove.
Thank you, Wendy! :)
You have touched on my favorite topic of all time! :-D Maybe I’m just a big kid at heart, but I never get bored at home. Stressed at times, yes…but never bored. In fact, my days fly by. Of course, I have a few more kids…
There are many days when I feel like just staying online and reading or writing and letting my kids run amok, but then I remember two things: I am a stay-at-home MOM–being a mom is my job and I refuse to do less than my best at any job, and second, these are GOD’s children, not mine. They are on loan to me and God can take them home at any time so I better make the most of my time with them (morbid, maybe, but true–it was the biggest lesson that I learned during the whole ordeal with Samuel almost 2 years ago: http://honormommy.blogspot.com/2009/03/blessings-blessings-and-more-blessings.html). The parable of the talents is really meaningful for me. God has entrusted me with the care of HIS children, has asked me to invest my time in their care, and I want Him to say “well done, good and faithful servant.”
Now this is easier said than done :-D. For me, some form of plan is the key. I have my day organized out into sections: chores, breakfast, clean up from breakfast, devotions (we use CBH ministries Keys for Kids: http://www.cbhministries.org/kfk/home.php), story-time/coloring/puzzles, games/toys/outside, lunch, clean up from lunch, school for the big kids/nap for Samuel, free time, dinner, bedtime, ME time. This is not set in stone, but for the days we stay home in the morning, it pretty much works for us.
But the thing is, I find that it’s best if I don’t STAY-at-home. Field trips keep things exciting :-D. At least once a week we go out and do something…usually 2-3 times a week, but that can get draining too…depends on the week. Mall play areas, parks, play dates, library (at least every other week…my kids love to read), the zoo, botanical gardens, fire station…look online for kids events…there’s ALWAYS something going on for cheap or free.
And finally, involve her somehow in everything that you do. Have her sit at the table while you cook–give her the ingredients to put into the skillet/pot/whatever; give her a cloth and spray vinegar water on things to clean–my kids clean the floor with this; have her do a puzzle while you write your blog; read “big” books to her out loud–I have a friend who reads LOTR/The Hobbit to her kids every fall as a tradition–act out the parts :-D (even if it doesn’t look like she’s listening, eventually she will catch on and really like it). Sing. Dance. Play. Have fun. Be silly.
The hardest thing is forcing yourself to see it as fun instead of as work or something you HAVE to do. These years go by so fast and you’ll be glad you were there. The days I struggle the hardest are the days when I focus on what I’m giving up of MY free time, instead of on what I am giving them. If I focus on them and bringing them joy, life is much easier….and funner :-D.
Thanks for all the ideas, Tara! It has been fun to get her involved with what I’m doing. She loves to “help” me. And I love to see her learning new things and enjoying our time together!
When I was home part-time (which wasn’t really for that long) I had the same issues. But do you read Simple Mom? She has a file you can download that’s a “to do” list type of schedule that you fill out for yourself every day. I downloaded it once and it was great – and I know many other people swear by it!
GOOD LUCK!
Thanks. I’ll keep you posted. I’m not sure I’ll get the hang of this, to be honest. But it’s possible…
(And yes, I read Simple Mom. She’s awesome!)
I don’t know if I can say anything helpful. I’ve always been a SAHM, so I’ve never had anything different to compare it to. I am not an organized person with a schedule, though. We are extremely laid-back in our family. I just did cleaning, cooking, laundry, bill-paying, grocery shopping when it needed to be done. We also had play dates, lunches out, and a lot of reading and playing together. We also used to go visit my grandmother in the nursing home once a week.
My son is now 11yo and in the 5th grade. We didn’t have internet for years and getting it kind of coincided with him going into first grade. I can honestly say I’m glad I didn’t have the internet as a distraction when he was home with me all day.
As far as napping during the day, I ALWAYS used to nap when he did. I was chronically sleep deprived and every little bit of sleep gave me strength to get through the day!
Give yourself some time—-you will find your groove soon!
Thank you for telling me that you napped. I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one who wants to do that!
I’ve been a SAHM for 11 years now!! I have 3 kids and my “baby” just started school last year. So I spent the fall enjoying the peace and quiet and I started working part-time in the spring. I was completely in my groove at home and now I wonder what I did with all that FREE time!?!?
While my kids were little, I kept friends’ children. It was a little income for me and built-in playmates for the kids! We would go to the zoo, museums, playgrounds, McDonald’s, etc…..anything to break up the routine! As my kids started going to school, I joined bible studies and had lunch dates with other SAHMs (usually we took turns hosting, so the kiddos were welcome too!)
As for the housework, I finally realized it doesn’t have to be perfect all the time — it will still be there tomorrow! Schedules and lists work best for me….vacuum on Monday, groceries on Tuesday, laundry on Thursday, bathroom on Friday, etc. and I try to have a menu plan in place, so I only have to think about it once a month/week – depending on how often I put it together.
And I am a firm believer in “mommy time”, whether it is napping when they do, painting your toes, reading or doing a hobbie/project. You have to take care of yourself so you can be energized to take care of the family. This is the concept that took me the longest to adjust to, but it will always be worth it at the end of the day!
The best advice I keep hearing and it is so true: enjoy them while they are young, because it will go by faster than you know!
I like the idea of a schedule, and it’s been so interesting to hear what others do. Thank you! (Although I have to tell you that I’d probably go insane if I watched more children other than my own!)
okay then! I see why home is winning! Bring on the projects!
I was counting on that! Definitely a plethora of helpful info! Thanks to all of them!