I used to say, “My daughter is a really good eater!”
I used to think, “Oh, I feel sorry for those parents who have to practically force feed their kids fruits and veggies. How awful that must be!”
And now?
Now I say, “Eat the rest of your beans. Eat five beans. Fine. Just eat one bean! Just. One. Bean!”
Now I think, “Surely she won’t starve. Right? She’ll eat when she’s hungry. RIGHT?”
So, any tips? I’ve tried being firm, being flexible, threats, ignoring the issue, yelling about the issue, using dessert as an incentive, not using dessert as an incentive – everything.
How do you all get your kids (or someone else’s kids, I’m not picky here) to eat?
Gah, we’ve tried everything too. I notice it goes in waves, sometimes they’re ravished and sometimes not. What’s worked for us is I stopped the snacks after naps, I noticed they wouldn’t eat dinner if they had snacks after naps. No matter how small the snacks. That helps anyway (not every time though, like yesterday). So then what also (sometimes) works for us is when I say, “that’s ok, you don’t have to finish, but there will be no other food until breakfast.” which sounded fantastic to them at first (they’re done! they’re free!) until they were starving about a half hour later and I said nope. I told you! Now if I say it, they at least think about their hunger and will eat a little more before getting down. So that’s what we do. Of course it doesn’t always work and we still have struggles and it’s frustrating, but it’s something anyway. LOL Good luck!
My advice? As a mom of 5, granny to 2? Don’t make food a fight.
At our house we have a rule that you have to try at least one bite of each thing on your plate. It is ok if they don’t like it but they at least have to try it. I just got this book called Two Bite Club that I like. You can download the whole book here: http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/Resources/TwoBiteClub.pdf It encourages children to take two bites of their foods and to eat healthy.
You could also try giving them different things to dip their food in. Kids love to dip things. Or another one that works good here is to let the kids use toothpicks to pick up their food and eat with.
If my kids don’t want to eat their meals, I have saved their plates so that when they are hungry they can come back to it. I also make sure that the next time they eat something it is a healthy choice and not a dessert. I guess I don’t worry too much if my kids won’t eat. They won’t starve themselves. I do make sure that I give them a variety of healthy options for things to eat. That way they get to have some “control” over what they eat and I know that they are getting healthy food.
I’m right there with you! Lincoln loves fruit, but won’t hardly eat veggies, and even manages to pick them out of stuff that I “hide” them in. You’re not alone!
It goes against all the expert advice, but I hold dessert over their head. As in, “No broccoli eating, then no chocolate cake.”
Seems to work pretty well around here:)
I’m with Susan!
I have found over the years that there are precious few things a child has control over and what they do or do not put in their mouths is one of them. This is a great learning exercise for you! As your kids get older there will be behavior issues you may want to address and if you know going in what you absolutely have no real control over, it will help temper what your approach/consequences will be in any given situation.
My mantra for the teenage years: choose your battles and then stick to your guns! :o)
So, with all that said, I think Angie has something there. I think kids get it when you show them respect in allowing them to exercise their control. You just need to help them focus that control in acceptable ways.
Does that make sense?
Let me also say, my advise is free, and you get what you pay for LOL.
well friend…sometimes I’m sneaky and blend up steamed vegetables and sneak it into their food (the colors have to be similar though so they don’t pick up on it) but I also offer the food right along with the meal…so, either way they’re eating it ;) They have to take one bite (but can dip it in whatever they want, ketchup, peanut butter (yuck) ranch, whatever. offering them a dip of their choice usually works. Because I’m only asking them to take one bite, I don’t give in.
I also make sure that at every meal I am offering something they like, so they have at least some victory and it doesn’t feel like the entire meal is a bust.
We have very simple rules.
1. You eat what is offered or you don’t eat.
2. You try at least one bite of everything on your plate. You are allowed one “No, thank you” helping of a side dish you don’t care for. Otherwise, you must eat what’s on your plate to have dessert.
I cook a lot, and I cook a variety of dishes from all different cultures. My kids have tried Japanese, Italian, German, Chinese, Thai, French, etc. cuisine and I’m amazed at what they actually like! Last night I made a spicy Indian dish and 3 of the 4 liked it and finished it! Children won’t ever develop a varied palate if they don’t have different foods in their environment. I will say that I always make at least one part of the meal that everyone will like, even if it’s just canned green beans!! They know there’s always another meal coming up in a few hours. :)
I also don’t give them huge portions, only what is appropriate for their age. Otherwise they get overwhelmed.
I can’t say that all of our kids are perfect eaters, but they all eat well and my youngest (at 4) has the most adult palate I’ve ever seen on a child!
We didn’t worry to much when the kids were little if they ate it all or if they got all their nutrients. We knew this was one battle that really didn’t need a battle. We found that by letting our kids help prepare some of the food, it didn’t seem near as “yucky” to them. They didn’t starve, but we kept presenting different foods to them in different forms.
*** Sometimes, with our third child, he would ask he had this before and if he liked it, we would always reply yes, and he would always try it.
***When our first son was little, he loved any type of balls, so we told him the peas were just green balls.
***We also did the “if you don’t eat or try the foods, no dessert.
** Like Angie, we encouraged our kids to take two bites, as well, and we have saved their plates when they’ve refused food altogether. We had a child that had severe oral sensitivities and that was a HUGE mountain to climb, but eventually he has tried foods that once gave him problems and most of the time, it was at a friends house. Sometimes peer pressure works great!
They are now teens and have developed a taste for a wide range of foods. This has been very helpful when they have traveled to other countries and tried native foods without much reservation: Kangaroo, iguana, crocodile, emu, fish eyes, and more normal foreign foods. Works when talking about manners and not offending those serving you the food.
I think that the hardest part is letting yourself off the hook. For me it is!
As you shared, I have done all those things you listed too.
Now, I really try to put on their plate EXACTLY what I expect them to eat. If they don’t finish what I have given to them, then no dessert. They have that freedom to choose not to finish. The thing that has changed about my “dessert” philosophy is that I don’t get upset or offended anymore when they don’t finish. And we do NOT prolong dinner either…as I used to, ploying with them to eat. Now we just move on. And there is nothing offered b/t meals except for 1 morning snack. This has helped tremendously. I also think that toddlers fill up on unlimited drinks. This can make a belly full before dinner/lunch even starts. My girls are allowed ONE tumbler of drink at each meal…that’s it.
I remember as a child it being so important that we “clean” our plates. I don’t agree with that philosophy as I now I struggle with that….and have several extra pounds to show for it. So if you don’t finish, that’s your choice. But I know there is ALWAYS 2/3 things that they will eat on their plates.
Bottom line is, I know they are getting enough nutrients…maybe not always at EVERY meal, but for the most part. And that’s the best I can do. We need to let ourselves off the hook…
Also, I do a lot of “protein” shakes for my girls…especially in the morning when it’s go, go, go. I make it with milk, frozen fruit (no juice) and protein powder. They LOVE it. So they are getting dairy, fruit (no sugar) and protein. My girls eat EVERY type of fruit I throw in. They have no idea that this morning they had a MANGO/CHERRY smoothie that was unbelievably healthy for them.
So whatever they have to go with that, I am good with.
Vegetables are tough at our house. Green beans and raw carrots, and peppers are a staple…but I do struggle with the veggie issue…and I think that is an aquired taste as you get older, right? Ha.
anyway, those are my thoughts from this mother of 3 girls.
The best advice you have received is not to make this a battle-point. I especially concur with our daughters, because I have been advised that these battles (which are really battles of control) can set the early stage for eating disorders. If this is the point on which the child learns to establish his/her will, it becomes ingrained that this matter is their point of control. In my family of origin, there have been struggles with bulemia and the therapist identified this point: Mommy’s and Daddy’s control everything in young children except when to sleep, what to eat and where to elminate (potty). When parents are overly domineering, toddlers and young children begin to establish their independence by taking control of these bodily functions which means they are not cooperating with what the parent desires.
My own daughter is tiny, diagnosed with FTT and so her nutrition has always been important. Even so, our pediatrician insists we should not make mealtime a battle ground. Our job, provide abundant, healthy food choices. Her job, eat. She’s a strong willed thing, but I never say you must eat. I do offer incentives (dessert or those yummy canned crescent rolls are a huge hit!). And like mentioned above, if my children want to be done, they can be done…but no more food till breakfast! If I think it’ll be needed, I just leave the supper plate on the table and more often than not it gets emptied before bed. If they have eaten well, then snack are available. I totally find that afternoon snacks can ruin a suppertime appetite and am ‘closing the kitchen’ at least 3 hours before supper.
Your daughter is a cutie! Just enjoy and make the family gathering fun, you are right: she won’t starve herself!
Well, I don’t want to lay the groundwork for an eating disorder, that’s true. But I also want her to eat. All these tips have been so helpful!
My rule is, you have to try everything on your plate. And you can’t move on to something “sweet” until you’ve finished the other foods. Example: Julia really wanted more peaches but wouldn’t finish her rice and peas last night. She couldn’t get more peaches until the other two foods were gone. And I have no issue with sitting there as long as it takes {or making them sit there}.
I should add, I don’t cook “kid friendly” foods. I don’t care for what in my mind I think are kid friendly foods {chicken nuggets, sandwiches, etc} so I make what I like and then have my kids go from there. Last night I made beef curry. My youngest {22 months} loved it, but my 3 yo wasn’t a fan. She still had to eat it {you know, to move on to those peaches} but she stomached it. I don’t give them a lot of something I know they won’t like, but they still have to try it.
My biggest pet peeve when it comes to kids not eating food, isn’t that they won’t eat it, it’s when I’ve cooked them a meal and their first reply is “I don’t like that.” I usually respond with “Then make your own meal/Too bad/Then don’t eat”. Not quite grace based, but true.
Hard to be grace-full when you get an attitude, isn’t it? :) Your comment reminded me that I can use fruit as a “bribe” instead of coming up with a tiny dessert all the time. She looooves fruit, and I need to go back to giving it to her AFTER she eats some meat and veggies!
We’ve force fed. Literally. I tried the “don’t make this a battle” thing for a while and just offered the veggies. Then, I realized that my 3yo was TOTALLY FLAUNTING being able to ignore our requests in this area. Meaning, we expected obedience in every other area, but he knew that when we said he should eat some green beans, he didn’t really have to.
So we forced. Only a few times with two of our children, and we also tried the other things you listed and that have been listed here. Thankfully, I can say that they have grown past this stage and now will eat what is required, though not with a look of bliss on their faces. We generally have them “eat their ages” which means if he’s 7, he eats seven green beans.
Of course, I’m not a big fan of veggies and rarely eat 37. But I’m the mom and I can do what I want!
I have put your age rule into practice, and it’s working. Thank you for the tip!!
We do something similar at our house. I have 16 year old boy (eats everything!) and 9 and 8 year old girls (one who eats just about anything and one who won’t eat hardly anything). Our “rule” is that they have to eat as many bites as they are old. Mashed potatoes at dinner? 9 bites (I said she wont eat hardly anthing!). Salad with the chicken? 8 bites. I also allow “dip.” My kids put ketchup on macaroni and cheese, bbq sauce on green beans, etc. The only rule is that if the dip goes ON the food, they have to eat all of it. Works most of the time although my 8 year old will gag and act like she’s going to throw up sometimes. I just put on my mean mommy face and make her eat anyway.
I love this age/bites rule! I’ve been trying it, and so far, so good! Thank you for sharing your tips!!
I don’t worry about it anymore. After 6 children I’ve seen it all. They don’t starve and their tastes change. I’ve tried everything too. I finally decided that if I was offering them healthy choices at every meal that by the end of the day (or two) they will have eaten a balanced diet. They must try everything on their plate but that’s it. I leave it up to them beyond that.
I’m working my way through the UBP11 list. I’m stopping by to become a new follower. If you get a chance please check out my blog at http://www.centsationalsaver.com Thanks! Dena
Thanks, Dena. That’s what our pediatrician says – just keep giving her healthy choices…