Lately, I’ve felt like I’m losing all my friends.
Friends have moved away, friends are busy, friends change, friends just don’t seem to last forever. It’s left me wondering, Is the BFF just a myth?
[Now some of my more dedicated readers might be thinking, “What about Smitty?” Never fear. Smitty has been my best friend for so long that she’s exempt from these types of rants and freak outs. She has not moved away or changed or stolen my last bottle of Exclamation! perfume.]
So, Smitty has been and is, like totally, my BFF. But is our relationship a fluke? Is it possible to develop a friendship that will last forever?
I’ve always been a person with lots of friends. Not because I’m so charming or wonderful, but because I love having friends and I hate saying goodbye. I kind of . . . collect friends. You know that song, “Make new friends but keep the old”? Well, I’ve really taken that to heart. No matter how many new stages of life I pass through, I never want to let go of those old friends. I just add them to my growing collection.
As I’ve gotten older, though, it’s gotten harder to hold onto all those friendships. Even though in my ideal world, I’d remain close to all my high school friends, all my college friends, all my friends from my first job, all my friends from my second job and all my church friends . . . I know it’s not practical. Sure, we can all be Facebook friends. But long-term, spend-quality-time-together, share-dreams-and-secrets friends? I don’t think you can maintain that kind of relationship with dozens of people you only see sporadically, if at all.
However. Some friendships DO last, despite years and miles separating us all but a few days a year.
When I first met my first college roommate, we didn’t exactly click. And her best friend, our suitemate? She wasn’t my favorite person at first, either. But eventually they wore me down or something, because they became some of my very best friends. And they still are.
Maybe it has something to do with living with a person that makes people closer than they are to others. I’m not sure why our bond has stayed so strong for so long. But when we have the opportunity to get together – a few times each year – it’s like no time has passed at all. We’re just comfortable with each other.
[Now, granted, that means that – at times – we have acted more like squabbling siblings than old friends, but that kind of proves my point here! We’re such good friends that even that doesn’t faze us!]
The last time we were all together, I was struck by how close and comfortable we are, this little family of friends. The minute I walked into Teresa’s house, Annalyn made a beeline for Teresa’s baby and I grabbed the extra Wii wand and jumped into a competitive game of Wheel of Fortune. Later that night, I heard my daughter squealing and looked around to find her. She was wrestling with Sally’s husband and chasing Sally’s daughter around the coffee table. Even later in the evening, we cracked ourselves up describing ourselves – and our personality traits in common – as “overthinkers, overanalyzers, can’t-let-it-go-ers and take-it-too-far-ers.” Finally, we ended the night by me realizing that Michelle was planning to spend the night on my couch instead of Teresa’s. So Michelle, Annalyn and I piled into the car and headed home.
What was most notable about the whole evening wasn’t that we – and our families – mesh so seamlessly. It was that my daughter – who, despite her performer tendencies and advanced vocabulary – is typically very shy around people she has never met or has not seen in a while. It even takes her a bit to warm up to my brother and sister-in-law. But with these friends? She didn’t even hesitate and threw herself into the mix at once.
So, I think it’s possible that the BFF isn’t just a myth like the unicorn. Or Smurfs. What do you think? Is the BFF fact or fiction?