Lately, I’ve felt like I’m losing all my friends.
Friends have moved away, friends are busy, friends change, friends just don’t seem to last forever. It’s left me wondering, Is the BFF just a myth?
[Now some of my more dedicated readers might be thinking, “What about Smitty?” Never fear. Smitty has been my best friend for so long that she’s exempt from these types of rants and freak outs. She has not moved away or changed or stolen my last bottle of Exclamation! perfume.]
So, Smitty has been and is, like totally, my BFF. But is our relationship a fluke? Is it possible to develop a friendship that will last forever?
I’ve always been a person with lots of friends. Not because I’m so charming or wonderful, but because I love having friends and I hate saying goodbye. I kind of . . . collect friends. You know that song, “Make new friends but keep the old”? Well, I’ve really taken that to heart. No matter how many new stages of life I pass through, I never want to let go of those old friends. I just add them to my growing collection.
As I’ve gotten older, though, it’s gotten harder to hold onto all those friendships. Even though in my ideal world, I’d remain close to all my high school friends, all my college friends, all my friends from my first job, all my friends from my second job and all my church friends . . . I know it’s not practical. Sure, we can all be Facebook friends. But long-term, spend-quality-time-together, share-dreams-and-secrets friends? I don’t think you can maintain that kind of relationship with dozens of people you only see sporadically, if at all.
However. Some friendships DO last, despite years and miles separating us all but a few days a year.
When I first met my first college roommate, we didn’t exactly click. And her best friend, our suitemate? She wasn’t my favorite person at first, either. But eventually they wore me down or something, because they became some of my very best friends. And they still are.
Maybe it has something to do with living with a person that makes people closer than they are to others. I’m not sure why our bond has stayed so strong for so long. But when we have the opportunity to get together – a few times each year – it’s like no time has passed at all. We’re just comfortable with each other.
[Now, granted, that means that – at times – we have acted more like squabbling siblings than old friends, but that kind of proves my point here! We’re such good friends that even that doesn’t faze us!]
The last time we were all together, I was struck by how close and comfortable we are, this little family of friends. The minute I walked into Teresa’s house, Annalyn made a beeline for Teresa’s baby and I grabbed the extra Wii wand and jumped into a competitive game of Wheel of Fortune. Later that night, I heard my daughter squealing and looked around to find her. She was wrestling with Sally’s husband and chasing Sally’s daughter around the coffee table. Even later in the evening, we cracked ourselves up describing ourselves – and our personality traits in common – as “overthinkers, overanalyzers, can’t-let-it-go-ers and take-it-too-far-ers.” Finally, we ended the night by me realizing that Michelle was planning to spend the night on my couch instead of Teresa’s. So Michelle, Annalyn and I piled into the car and headed home.
What was most notable about the whole evening wasn’t that we – and our families – mesh so seamlessly. It was that my daughter – who, despite her performer tendencies and advanced vocabulary – is typically very shy around people she has never met or has not seen in a while. It even takes her a bit to warm up to my brother and sister-in-law. But with these friends? She didn’t even hesitate and threw herself into the mix at once.
So, I think it’s possible that the BFF isn’t just a myth like the unicorn. Or Smurfs. What do you think? Is the BFF fact or fiction?
My BFF I’ve know since my sophomore year in high school. I still claim her as my best friend, even though we aren’t as close as we use to be {marriages, kids and distance will do that to ya}. However, when we talk, when we get together, it is like no time has passed at all and we are still as close and as strong as ever. And that’s what I consider when I think about lifelong friends. If I can not see you for 10 years, but pick right back up where we left off, you’re a friend forever.
For me, friendships are a little more fluid or seasonal or whatever. Lately I feel like some close friendships have dissolved, and that makes me very sad. My mom always said that friendships have a lot to do with where your kids are, and I think she’s right. I’m closest to the friends I’ve met at my kids’ school. The friendships that are fading are because our paths just don’t cross on a regular basis.
I’ve always said that if I come out on the other side of motherhood with any friends intact, it will be a miracle. :)
I don’t believe it’s a myth. I do think BFF’s exist. I have a couple that I’ve had FOR-EV-ER, and they know my deepest, darkest secrets. I would say my relationship with them is very different from the relationships with my other friends. Not saying I don’t absolutely love and adore my other friends (because I do with all my heart) but there is a different connection with the friends you stay close with for life.
Your post is so timely! My BFF (who was my randomly-assigned college roommate in 1997) and I had a very similar discussion literally just the other day. We count each other as BFF, so we definitely believe the myth is a reality, BUT we think it gets harder to make BFFs (or just deep friendships in general) the older we get.
For my two pennies, I think it comes down to age (and, trust me, I’m not usually someone who complains or worries about getting older). The sad fact is that the older I get, the more guarded I become about my “real” personality (the Trivia Pursuit memorizing; Royal Family obsessing; goofy face making; counting down to my birthday; etc. part of me). She knew me when I let all that (and more) hang out, and I think that has created a bond that would be harder to replicate today simply because I am not as open in my newer friendships as I was then. (Its not intentional, that’s just the way it has played out.)
We’re kindred spirits! In all our can’t-let-it-go and take-it-too-far-ness. :D See you in a couple weeks! (I think?)
I’m more like Shelly W. My friendships have been seasonal, and it makes me a little sad. I have a history of being ditched for the cooler, more exciting friends, dating back to 2nd grade. Clearly I have issues.
My kids are getting older (5th & 2nd grades) and the moms aren’t as close as the kids get older. The kids pick their own friends now, as opposed to when I had friends who had kids, those kids were my kids’ friends. Does that make any sense?
And on a totally unrelated topic, is that a “vintage” Holly Hobby plate your daughter is eating off of in the picture? It looks like my childhood Holly Hobby plate!
There are definitely seasonal friendships but I’ve been blessed with quite a few BFFs. Even though most of them are in the marriage/motherhood phase of their life, our friendships remain strong. Part of that may be because we talk openly and honestly about our “grass is greener” differences and part of it is because of our history. I also have good friends that I don’t keep in as regular touch with but find the depth is still there. Case in point: I was in my hometown this past week and got together with a few friends that I haven’t talked to in a year, other than an email or two. It was like no time had passed!