I cry in church. A lot.
I know, I know. Since I cry in [fill in the blank] a lot, this comes as no surprise. What came as a surprise last Sunday was what triggered the Church Cry this time.
Earlier this year Mark and I made the difficult, been-coming-for-a-long-time decision to leave our church and look for a new one. The reasons are many, but none of them include an ugly dispute or falling out. We loved our church home of eight years, and I will be forever thankful for all the things we learned, the ways we grew and the ways we served, and – most importantly – the people we met and loved there.
However, our church home was no longer the right place for us. And so we had to leave.
We actually realized this more than a year ago. It’s been really hard to actually leave!
After a summer of trying various churches in our area, we finally found one that we feel is a good match. We’re not completely sure it’s our new home, but we’re going to stay for a while and find out.
Last Sunday we slid into a middle row, glad for the darkened auditorium and loud music. Both hid the fact that our whole family had been snapping at each other all morning. As often happens, though, the praise music and prayer did their trick and before long I was feeling a sense of worship and peace.
The message was great. Not perfect, but great – and about something important to me right now. And, if I’m honest, something I hadn’t heard preached before.
So, there I was, feeling pretty good in our [tentative] new church home. And that’s when it happened.
The worship band fired up Mighty to Save. And I bawled.
What on earth???
Here’s the thing. In 2009, I sang with the church choir for five or thirty (it was a LOT) services. At each one, we sang the longest version of Mighty to Save known to man or choir director. Everyone loves that song. It’s a church favorite. Maybe it’s YOUR favorite. I don’t know. But it is NOT my favorite.
From then on I wanted to gnash my teeth and tear my choir robe every time we led worship for that song – including another Easter. (I’m kidding. We didn’t wear choir robes.) It became a joke with a couple of my choir friends, and I even admitted to our choir director that I didn’t exactly love that song.
So when I heard the electric guitar start those familiar (dreaded – no, not dreaded! Bad Mary!) notes, I started feeling a little shaky. And by the time we reached the chorus, it was full-out Ugly Cry.
Once again, I was grateful for the dark auditorium and loud music. Except, you know, that particular music. Blast that song!
I got it together by the end of the song (Have I mentioned this song is crazy long?), and we left to pick up Annalyn. I was still content with our decision to leave our old church, and I was still happy with the choice we’d made to try this new church. And I was still a little bit sad about the whole thing.
Have you ever found yourself looking for a new church home – or crying in church?
I can so relate to the “time-for-a-new-church” experience. While our family changed churches a few times while I was growing up, it never meant more to me than leaving friends, and we weren’t what I would call church-hoppers. We have been attending a great church for the eight years we have lived in the area we are now, but lately I have been feeling the pull to change. Like you, nothing major or earth-shattering, although the church has gone through some change in the past two years, but I realize that happens and our worship should be about God and not about the church itself. After visiting a much smaller local church (our church was a large one in the nearby city) for awhile, the kids and I have been attending another local church with more children/youth ministries. The church is different from our (previous?) church, and I haven’t committed to it yet, but we’re staying for now to find out. :)
I cry every single time I hear this song. I actually have to skip it if it comes on my ipod while driving to work, or I will look like a raccoon when I get there.
I cry in church a lot as well. Not just at music, sermons too. I’m often overwhelmed by God’s grace.
My husband and I are actually in the process of finding a church home. It can be quite the daunting task. It’s now compounded by the fact that he may be getting a job offer in Tennessee, which means leaving Texas for the unknown.
Ha! I didn’t mean raccoon, I look more like Alice Cooper when I cry like that! :)
Tennessee is great and many wonderful churches!
My husband & I are in the same spot. We have been visiting a different church throughout the summer and the first 3 or 4 times I went every time during prayer/praise portion of church I am bawling. This is a new experience for me but all I can say is I feel so moved and overwhelmed with emotion. And i can say that after service, the peace and closeness to the Lord that I feel is wonderful. Our home church is very, very traditional and most hymns are sang a little more somberly. I love our Pastor and I have learned so much from his more fact base preaching, but I also see a difference in my boys and the other church. They actually remember what they learned in Sunday school & children’s church and are excited, which is so important. Unfortunately, we live in a rural area so distance is also a factor during the winter time. I am just praying the Lord will lead us to where we all can grow.
I am not a crier, so when I get weepy I get uncomfortable For me, it happens when I really personalize the lyrics or message of truth from God to my life. Our church is not dark, but if I’m weeping silently, I am rarely at a point where I care much. Later, after church I feel sort of like a crazy lady!
Changing churches is hard, and happens for so many reasons. I have very mixed feelings about it and truthfully kind of like the Catholic idea that you just go to the parrish in your district. I despise the commericialization and competition among churches to wooo and swap members. One of my greatest misunderstandings is the plethora of church-plants in heavily-evangelized areas. I do not pretend to understand this and simply do my best not to judge.
May your heart remain tender and even bonded with believers from your past community and grow in fellowship with wherever God directs.
It’s been almost a year ago now that we decided to start going to a new church. After at least a year of fighting to get my husband to say maybe to going to our home church (the one we’d both, for the most part, grown up in), I decided to give up, to just stop asking him to go. Then a friend from our home church, invited my husband to go to a different church. He went, with no argument or begging. Not only did he go once, he went twice, and a third time. Well, after the third time, I decided to check this place out. Sure enough, within the first 10 minutes I was on my knees bawling. Usually it takes me a good few months to get to that point. While leaving our family and friends at our old church was hard, the blessings that we’ve seen since finding this new home have been amazing.
SO funny about mighty to save. There are a few songs I feel the same way about.
I am a big time cry-baby, so for me to cry in church (or anywhere, really) is common. My baby sister started singing with our praise band recently, and I haven’t had dry eyes on a Sunday morning since. Oh well.
Love this post!
That’s ok. I about gnashing my teeth if I’m at church and they sing Above All. So long and just a tad too sappy for me. You want me to ugly cry, though, just fire up Blessed Be Your Name. I get to the give and take away verse and I lose it.
This post really struck a nerve with me because I can totally relate. About 6 years ago, my family decided (read: wife reluctantly submitted to husband) to leave our church of 10 years and look for another. My heart was broken and literally torn in two. This was the church where I had raised my boys from ages 2 and 1, this was the church where I had been given opportunity to share my gifts of teaching, leadership, and worship leading, this was the church where I had met and made so many wonderful friends. Honestly, so much of my identity at that time was wrapped up in that church. But, my husband had come to the point where he believed it was time for us to leave (the reasons are long and complicated, but I know now that he was right). We wound up at a church where, honestly, I did not fit in at all, but it became kind of like a rest stop for us on our journey. One particular Sunday morning soon after this decsion had been made, I had decided to attend early service at our “old” church on my own, and then join my family for regular service at our “new” church. So, I arrived at our “new” church in my own vehicle, slid into the pew with my family and about 3 minutes later was totally enGULFed in these HUGE, HEAVING sobs that I could not control for the life of me! I excused myself, quickly drove home, and prayed and cried it out in the middle of my living room. Looking back, I know that God used that time to teach me a lot. He led me to the book Now I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent which really brought some healing and closure to me. And we only stayed at that “in-between” church for about a year, until God moved us on to our present church which has been a TOTAL blessing to my family in so many ways! So, as always, God is faithful to prove His goodness to us, even in the hard and sad times…
I actually can’t relate to finding a new church home. We’ve been at our same church since we got married about 26 years ago. And, yes, our choir wears robes. :)
Hang in there, Mary. I’ll pray that you find just the right place that your family can call “home.”
P.S. I don’t mean to downplay your serious post here, but when I flipped back to Google Reader after commenting, the ad at the bottom was for Clergy Robes and clerical shirts. That just made me laugh. I guess they are doing a good job of marketing. :)
Hi! I stopped by your blog because I really liked the name. I have never been here before and it seems like a peaceful place. The name of my blog is Our Peaceful Home, but most of the time my home is anything BUT peaceful. I decided to name it that because I WANTED a peaceful home. Now, I’m thinking about changing the name. The name of your blog struck me. I want it to be something like that. :) I feel like it’s something God has taken me through lately. I’m never going to BE perfect, only he is. How refreshing. It’s to hard (and impossible) to work to be perfect.
Anyway, I used to cry in church all the time. In the past 3 years we’ve had to find two new churches because of MAJOR moves. The last church we were in we LOVED and I wish I could have taken it and all the people in it to where we’ve moved. We now have settled on a new church home out where we live now, but we don’t totally feel at home here yet. I also haven’t cried here during musical worship yet. I usually connect with God mostly through musical praise but I just haven’t been moved here yet. It’s hard. I want to find a place where I feel met by God. I guess it isn’t a completely necessary feeling, but I do like it.
Anyway, blessings to you. I’m sure I’ll be back and I won’t forget the name of your blog. :)
I do actually love that song, but it only gets played a few times a year I think, at our church. And yes, I have cried in church more than once. It is very cathartic. :)
We used to sing that song. I didn’t really have strong feelings about it one way or the other, but I have a feeling God placed that song on the list for you and that your tears are from something very deep and that God wants to do something for you in that place. I know you said you cry a lot, but he is chipping away at something. I pray that this transition will be a meaningful one and that your family will be blessed.