When I was in sixth grade, I had a slumber party on Halloween night. After trick or treating and pigging out on candy, we ran to the basement, changed into PJs and crowded around our little TV. We flipped through the channels – only a few of them, because this was well before satellite TV and cable packages with a trillion options – and my friends landed on the movie, Carrie.
I said no. No, we can’t watch this. Let’s not watch this. My parents wouldn’t want me to watch this. I don’t want to watch this.
My friends overruled me, and I sat with my back to the television until it was over (tears rolling down my face in typical dramatic adolescent fashion, of course).
Four years later I sat in my friend’s basement at a New Year’s Eve slumber party, and the very same scene played out again. This time the movie was Leprechaun, but the argument – and the outcome – was pretty much identical. I spent two hours of that slumber party with my back to the TV, clenching my jaw and wishing I could cover my ears without looking like a total baby.
What’s annoying about those situations {I mean, on top of the fact that my friends didn’t care if I was scared.} is that even now, all these years later, I can still see images from both of those movies. The split seconds I didn’t have my back turned, those horror movies were seared into my brain.
Hmmm . . . Just like the single episode I watched of X-Files . . . at yet another slumber party. Clearly slumber parties were bad for me!
Scary movies aren’t the only thing that stick in my mind, though. And that’s why I’m staying home tonight.
Earlier this week I was invited to a girls night out with some of my very favorite ladies. I rarely get to see them because, for one reason or another [also known as lack of evening childcare], I miss almost every get-together they plan. We usually manage to schedule a scrapbooking day every few months and I make it then, but we haven’t even done that lately. So when I saw a message pop up in Facebook inviting me to a girls night out, I was excited, to say the least.
Then I read the proposed game plan for the night, and I realized that once again, I’d be missing my friends. Why is that? Because they’re going to see Magic Mike.
Don’t worry. I’m not about to launch into a soapbox sermon here. Partly because I don’t really do that sort of thing. Partly because I ADORE my friends and am not judging their movie choices in any way. And partly because I really want to see Magic Mike.
There. I said it.
Yeah, I know. It’s a movie about male strippers. I know. But based on the preview, it looks like it actually has a good storyline, and it’s gotten good reviews. And, hello? Matthew McConaughey, Matthew Bomer and Channing Tatum? Yes, I want to see the movie.
I want to see the movie, but I’m not going to.
Although, to be more accurate, I probably want to see the edited-for-TBS version, the cleaned-up version, the PG-13 version. I’m as big a wimp about nudity as I am about gore and violence.
But honestly, I could probably deal with my squeamishness. Or close my eyes like I did when I used to watch Grey’s Anatomy. (I’ve come so far from my days of turning my back on the TV, right?) What I couldn’t deal with are the lingering images I would never be able to erase from my mind, even if I wanted to (which is debatable, which is yet another reason I should stay home!).
For some reason my brain holds onto things that bother me, either in a horrified and terrified sort of bothered or the other kind of bothered. And I’m pretty sure that I don’t want my brain holding onto the things in this particular movie.
“Pretty sure” because I’m human, people. Human and easily bothered and bummed to miss another girls night out.
I am hoping to meet up with my friends after the movie, although I’m at the mercy of my husband’s work schedule. If I get to see them, they’ll probably tell me how awesome the movie was, and I’ll probably feel left out and a tiny bit disappointed I didn’t see it. But a week from now, a month from now, 10 years from now, I won’t still be thinking about what I saw in that movie that bothered me. I might still remember Carrie and the pig’s blood and the screaming and the – good grief, why did my friends make me watch that? – but this time, I’m skipping the slumber party movie.
That’s why I’m staying home tonight. It doesn’t mean you should stay home or avoid any movie, including this one. We’re all bothered by different things, and our minds and hearts hold onto and struggle with different things. [And it certainly doesn’t mean I walk away from everything that tempts me. If that were the case, the pan of brownies in my kitchen would have a lot more brownie and a lot less pan right now!]
What about you? Have you ever skipped the slumber party to avoid a movie – or TV show or book or whatever – that would bother you?
For another take on this topic, read Kristina’s post at Redefining Awesome.
Mar…I had to walk away from lots of things…especially during high school! LOL! I’ll say this, and I’m not judging your friend’s movie choices either (although, I am SO glad we stuck to Ferris Bueller at our slumber parties!!!). There is something to be said for guarding your heart, mind, and eyes. The reason for that is exactly what you stated…we replay those images in our minds for years to come. I wish I could encourage everyone to stay away from those movies (and *ahem* a certain book series with “50 Shades” in the title). As Paul says…Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial (my wording)…1 Cor 10:23.
One last thing…there’s a song I sing with my children “Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.” We sing it to remind them to guard their hearts, minds and eyes…but truthfully it’s just as much for me as it is for them. Sorry for the long comment!!! Great (and very kind/gracious) post!
That verse from 1 Corinthians is exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote this, Nikki. Because while I don’t think going to the movie is inherently a bad thing, for me it is not beneficial. For others, though, I know it might not be a problem.
{Also…glad you missed the X-Files episode at one particular slumber party (at Ang’s house). That actually wasn’t even the worst thing we watched that night! So either you were smart enough to leave the room or you are able to block out those memories! Either way, I’m jealous. :) Haha!}
This is such a good post, Mary!
Thanks, Amanda! :)
Thanks for your honesty. I’m with ya, sista!
Thank you, Charlene!!
I think you are wise to know what is best for your heart and mind. Yes, sometimes saying no can be disappointing in the early moments during and following and event, but ultimately, like you said, you will be thankful. Also, what a great teaching moment someday for your daughter.
Ooooh, yeah, I didn’t even think of that. I will definitely file this one away for future conversations with Annalyn! Thanks, Jess.
I tell my kids all the time that part of my job as their mom is to protect their imagination. That’s why I won’t let them watch or play many many video games out there. And I tell them this because of the exact reasons you describe, Mary. How I carry with me images from childhood I can’t erase either. I think you are wise and I especially think you should tell your daughter how mommy has chosen not to go watch a movie she really wants to see because it would be bad for her imagination. Nice for kids to know that parents have boundaries they have to follow too. Even if they’re self imposed :) Go you!
Hmmm. Good point. You and Jessica are so smart. I really didn’t even think of using this as a teaching moment with Annalyn!
Thanks for posting this Mary… I struggle with EXACTLY THE SAME THING! And I’ve been teaching my kids (10 & 12) about the importance of being careful what they put in their mind, which helps me to be careful myself. It’s encouraging to hear that I’m not the only one dealing with “imagination issues”
For better or worse, my imagination is pretty lame on its own. But once I see something, it kind of goes into overdrive. So. Yeah. Being careful is a must for me.
Great post. Let’s be honest. There is an appeal to the movie. Obviously. For me, if I ever watch an R rated movie, I almost always regret it for some reason or other. Like you, its not the great story line that sticks in my head. Its the individual moments of gross (be it language, violence or sex). My first slumber party/horror movie happened around 11 or 12 and I remember to this day how it made me feel and nightmares for days after. No thank you. I really love reading your stuff.
Obviously. :) Thanks for being honest with me. I guess some people really aren’t interested, but for me it really is a matter of Yes, I want to see this movie, but I won’t. *sigh* ;)
Anna, I totally agree with you. I always think that I can watch an R movie because well, I’m a grown-up. And without fail, I always end up turning it off. But not before certain images have been seared in my brain.
I have no desire to see this particular movie, but so many others I’ve made the wrong decision in the name of thinking I’m cultured or wise or something.
Jessie, that is such a great and honest point. How many things have done because, well, I’m a grown-up (and that’s what grown-ups do, right?). *sigh*
Certain images sear into my brain, too. I can’t handle anything horror related but the few movies or even seconds I’ve seen of movies in that category still pop up from time to time. Of course, those times are usually when I’m trying not to be scared of something! I completely respect your decision. I won’t mind seeing the TBS version of Magic Mike, I don’t think. It just doesn’t seem like a $10 theater movie to me and I’m also troubled by some of the responses to it, given how upsetting it would be if roles were reversed.
Yes. Considering how I’d feel if roles were reversed (and my husband saw a movie about female strippers) is a big factor in my decision, too. For some couples, it’s not a big deal at all, but for us it is. (But…maybe you and I could watch that TBS version together? haha!)
I’m not reading a certain book that is all the rage these days and has been recommended by many, many people. I just don’t need those images in my head, and it doesn’t sound like something I should be investing my time in.
I really try to guard my eyes/ears/mind – sometimes it can be so challenging! I’m currently planning to get some good books at the library for vacation reads.
Thanks for this post – lots of good insight!
P.S. Though I do try to guard against lots of things, I LOVE the X-Files (for some reason I always loved the creepiness of that show) and I have gotten into the re-run episodes of “The Outer Limits” and “Disappeared” on ID – which of course, never has a good ending. Not sure if this is my “dark side” emerging?!?!? ha!
See? That is exactly what I’m talking about! A teenaged me could not handle an episode of X-Files, while you love it – and that doesn’t make either one of us right or wrong. Actually, as I was writing this post and mentioned that show, I had to laugh at myself, because I’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer lately. Cheesy as it is, it’s actually a little too scary for me but that didn’t stop me from watching several episodes earlier this week. ;)
This is such a great post! I, also, am not seeing Magic Mike for all of these reasons. But when asked about it, I have struggled to give an answer that doesn’t come across as judgemental to those who are. I think you stated this perfectly! (And I’ll be quoting you when I give answers now!). Thanks so much for posting!!
I hear you. I’ve actually been really nervous about this post, because I don’t mean to imply any judgment on people who are seeing the movie. What bothers me might not bother the next person, and vice versa. I’m sure I see quite a few movies that other people wouldn’t dare watch themselves!
You’re very wise. And yes, my goal for me and for my kids is to protect them from these un-erasable images.
With that said, I must tell about how I saw The Full Monty. I lived in Thailand, hadn’t heard a thing about it, and it was truly the only movie out. My friend and I (both missionaries) went in and our eyes got wider and wider as we realized what it was about.
With that said . . . I LOVED that movie! So hilarious, though my husband-to-be was horrified when I bought a copy of it!
Oh my gosh, Dana, that is hilarious!! :)
I know this isn’t the point of your post, but this is precisely why I am taking a firm no line on sleepovers for my kids unless they are at my house and under my control. I was exposed to very inappropriate things at them when I was a child as well. Great post!
I’m not sure when we’ll allow sleepovers for A. Luckily I’m not to the age where I have to make that decision yet, but I know it will come soon!
I’m glad you posted this. Mostly because I sometimes feel like the only person {make that WOMAN} who has imagines forever marked in my brain. I don’t do scary movies and I don’t do “sexy” movies because of this. And I feel like I’m surround by people who can watch it and it doesn’t seem to effect them. I’ve had to say no a lot to movies over the years, which has made people look at me funny, but hey, I gotta do what I gotta do to keep my mind from totally exploding with bad stuff.
Isn’t that the truth – if we just cram all the bad stuff in, it’s got to go somewhere! Your description of an exploding mind reminds me of what my campus pastor always said back in college: garbage in, garbage out. Then again, it’s also true what you said that different things affect people differently. I think the key for each of us is to extend grace to each other when we’re making those personal decisions. (And of course, I’m lecturing myself here, because this whole conversation has made me think of times I was annoyed when someone couldn’t “handle” the same things I can handle.)
Kudos to u for ur post – what u put in ur mind (thru books, movies, etc) does STAY in ur mind. So we shd be careful abt it! Fortunately for me, I’ve no desire at all to see MM or read 50 Shades and don’t feel any peer pressure about it. There r prob other shows I watch I shd re-examine, but not abt males in any form of undress. I am a Christian, and that plays a huge part of it. But, also, my husband and I make RESPECT a very big priority in our relationship – we’ve been married almost 19 ys, 3 kids, etc. we never ogle, comment on other men and women in front of or to each other or to others (to my knowledge). Works for us!!!
Thanks, Laurie! It seems like different things stay in different people’s minds, so knowing what our triggers are is a good first step!
This is great, Mary! Although not exactly the same, but that’s exactly why I don’t keep gallons of ice cream in the house…because I don’t really trust myself with it. Do I WANT to eat the ice cream? Heck yeah! But giving in would result in much larger thunder thighs :)
Applauding you for being so strong! And I love how you’re still accomplishing your goal of a girl’s night out by meeting up afterwards!
Thanks, Staci- and it IS exactly the same as the ice cream!
Way to go, making a hard decision! You did the right thing, and it is hard… I feel like this with certain movies too (although I have watched plenty of bad things in my time… and some of it has stuck with me). It’s good that you guys talked about what movie you were going to see ahead of time too. Once my group of friends didn’t decide until we got to the theater, and the decision was “American Pie.” I was so scandalized by that movie, and I felt so uncomfortable, and everyone else thought everything was hilarious and that it was funny that I was so uncomfortable, and what an awful experience. Sometimes I feel like an idiot that I can’t handle what others can (I struggle with a way-too-active imagination), but I suppose God shows His power through our weakness. Weakness is not a bad thing. And neither is admitting your weakness (admitting your weakness is strength, I think!).
Oh, I thought of another one: I think Criminal Minds is such a great show, well-done. But… it’s just too much for me, some of the images it has. So I have to make a point not to watch whatever’s on before it, because I will leave the TV on when it comes on and let myself see it. It’s like I want to look away but am also drawn to it, but yeah, not good. Anyway. :)
Oh yeah, I cannot watch Criminal Minds either!! :)
2 thoughts. (1) That same slumber party thing happened to me and the movie was Flowers in the Attic. Thankfully I remember very little of the movie itself, I mostly just remember my feelings of fear and of my objections/fear being ignored. :-( (2) I totally agree about Magic Mike. a) I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to see as a married woman and b) if I object to these types of movies being made about half-naked (or worse) women (and I very much get on my soapbox about that), then I have to walk the walk when it’s about half-naked men. Objectification is bad, no matter who you’re objectifying. The end. Great post!!!
I agree, Shannon, that if movies with female nudity bothers us, it’s hypocritical to indulge in movies with male nudity. From what I’ve read, this movie makes the point about objectifying being bad, but it seems like it takes a long, leisurely route through said objectification to get there!
I think it’s great that you skipped out on this movie. I, personally, hope the movie doesn’t do well. I think we tend to think that pornography is a man’s problem but it isn’t – women struggle just as much. I think that movies like this, or the books that others mentioned are stepping stones to women’s porn addictions.
There are plenty of other things to entertain us that don’t leave bad marks on our minds!
Great point – there ARE lots of things to entertain us, and there’s certainly something for everyone. For example, I stuck to watching Two Weeks Notice for the umpteenth time last weekend. :)
I love that you know and understand yourself *this* well, Mary. I KNOW it’s hard to exercise restraint when something FUN is attached; and I hope you were able to meet up with the girls after the movie :).
And I get what you’re saying–there are disturbing images in my mind from movies I’ve seen decades ago….fading, but still there.
If it makes you feel any better at all – even though I’m sure it won’t – Magic Mike was pretty terrible. You really didn’t miss much. I don’t think there was a single good actor in that movie, and if there was a good actor, the director must have told them to act poorly. However, the naked backside of Channing Tatum is one thing I don’t mind being seared into my brain. There were good moments. Like the dancing was actually quite impressive. All-in-all though, I left saying, “Wow. I’m glad someone else paid for this ticket.” And my friend, Kristin, who was with me said, “Wow. I’m really sad I paid for these tickets.”
I will say, though, there are many things I wish I could unsee. I can think of one off the top of my head from another movie: I don’t remember what it was called, but it was a James Cameron film about spelunkers. It was a very pretty movie, but there was one scene for which I didn’t close my eyes in time. It was disturbing to say the least, and I remember it quite well.
It would be nice if there were a “Delete” button in my brain, but with my luck I’d hold it in too long and erase everything. Oh well…
A delete button would be nice, wouldn’t it? Thankfully, I haven’t seen said spelunking movie. I’ll add it to my “avoid like the Contagion plague” list. (See what I did there? Oh, I’m. So. Funny.) As for Magic Mike, no, it really doesn’t make me feel better. It was a good effort, but as you know, “quite impressive” dancing is pretty much my favorite. I’m sure THAT is why I’ve seen Step Up at least 20 times. :)
Great post! While I have no desire to see Magic Mike, I did read the Fifty Shades of Grey and I’m sorry that I did. For two reasons – first that it did nothing to glorify my life as a Christian (actually detracted from it) and second, when I hear other women going on and on about it, I hate that I know what they are talking about.
That’s a good point, Tonia. Sometimes knowing what people are talking about is actually worse than being out of the loop!
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