Last night I read a book called Melrose and Croc Find a Smile to Annalyn before bed. It starts like this:
but something was wrong.
“What’s happened?”
asked Little Green Croc.
“I’ve lost my smile,” said Melrose.
“Well, let’s go and find it then!” said Little Green Croc.
The two animals (Melrose is a dog of the weiner variety, Croc is unsurprisingly a crocodile, and I believe they are both quite British) then spend the day following a set of steps prescribed by Croc: chasing squirrels, smelling flowers, saying hello to all the cows and walking up a hill backwards. Eventually, of course, Melrose finds his smile and the animals are happy again.
It’s a simple book with a sweet message and, at the end of a stressful day that included my car breaking down, blessedly short. And it made me think of two friends of mine who have lost their smiles.
One friend is grieving the unexpected and tragic death of a family member. The other has just slipped into a dark place and can’t quite figure out why. My heart has been broken for both of them this week.
I know well how it feels to wake up and feel the darkness, wondering how you got there and when you’ll find your way out. Whether a period of sadness is triggered by an event in your life or hormones or some unseen anxiety you can’t quite put your finger on, the fact is that sometimes sadness happens.
Finding yourself in a dark place can be scary. And frustrating. Even embarrassing. Especially if you are a naturally positive, upbeat, lemons-into-lemonade person (which both of the friends I mentioned happen to be). You might feel all those things, even as you battle the clouds and storms rolling around in your heart. I know I have.
I’ve felt all those things. Frustration that I’m letting “it” get to me, whatever “it” may be. Embarrassment that I’m so needy, so Debbie Downer, so depressing and depressed. Fear that I won’t escape, that the morning will never come, that this is who I’ve become.
But here’s what I know. It’s okay to not be okay. If you are sad, if you are hurting, if you are in a place so dark you can’t see your hand in front of your face – it’s okay. Feeling this way, fighting this battle – it doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It doesn’t mean that you’re a Negative Nelly or that you will never. feel. better. again.
You won’t feel like this forever.
You are not weak.
You are not miserable.
You are not boring or no-fun.
You aren’t a burden.
You will be okay.
This won’t last forever.
The morning will come.
Sometimes the sadness comes. Sometimes it has a good reason; other times it doesn’t. Sometimes there’s an easily identified pattern; other times it’s a mystery that all the TV detectives in the world couldn’t solve. Sometimes it lasts for a brief time; other times it lingers for-freaking-ever. But all the time, you are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are loved.
You are worth it.
You are strong enough.
You matter.
You will be okay.
This won’t last forever.
The morning will come.
To my friends who I know are struggling in the dark place this week: I love you.
To everyone struggling in the dark place this week: You are loved, too.
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
~ Lamentations 3:22-23
What do you say to a friend who has lost her smile? [You can comment here!]
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the Lord is faithful. and good. your post reminds me of this. right in the middle of my few days without a smile, i read your post and i know that He sees me. that He hears me. that He knows my pain. and that i am not alone. thank you for helping me find my smile again.
Colleen, I’m so glad this was encouraging to you. Praying your smile is found soon. :)
It helps to give myself permission to be sad and less than for a while. Thank you for the reminder that sometimes we just don’t need to have it all ‘together!’
I agree! Just giving ourselves permission to grieve or even wallow for a bit is a relief.
Such wonderful, encouraging words! I’ve been to that dark place where it feels like there’s no end in sight. But praise the Lord! God sends beautiful people like you with your precious words to lead us out of those dark places.
Thank you for allowing Him to use you to help others.
Oh, Tracey, thank YOU for your kind words!
What an awesome post…so glad I came upon your blog…it’s simply lovely and very welcoming. Will add you as one of my followers.
Praying for those you mentioned.
Blessings,
Connie
Thank you on all counts, Connie.
Thanks! I have been in a dark space this week. I don’t know why and haven’t been able to “pull myself out of it.” It is good to know others understand.
Donna, others DO understand. And I truly hope your dark space is short-lived.
Absolutely beautiful words. Isn’t it weird we sometimes need permission to be sad? Who made the rule that we have to be upbeat all the time?
I don’t know how it started, but I’m all for breaking this rule.
Thank you! Even though I tell my friends that it’s ok to feel down, depressed, dark, etc., I myself struggle with letting it be ok for ME!
I’m the same way, Jessica. So believe me, I wrote this for myself, too!
What a cool lady you are! I agree that Christian women in particular (i’m a Mormon myself) often feel everyone else can have a hard day but them. I love the book “Today I Feel Silly” by Jamie Lee Curtis. It is a great one to help kids and adults alike understand that it’s ok (and normal) to feel sad sometimes. Thank you for your lovely words to us all! – Lindsay
You’re so welcome, Lindsay. And thanks for the book recommendation. I’m going to look it up!