I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom folding laundry at the table. Standing on the linoleum, finding matches for socks, I informed her that I had four boyfriends. FOUR. Even today I can remember three of them, but that fourth one has slipped my memory.
How could it not have slipped my memory? It was 29 years ago. When I was four years old.
Several days ago, Annalyn was putting on a dance recital in the living room. She clearly expected me to be her DJ and kept asking me to play songs that she knows. I played a little Matt Redman and a few songs from my Disney Pandora station. And then, finally, I gave in.
Though we spend hours listening to worship songs and children’s music, my little girl and I also love jamming to the pop music of the day. Not much pop music. But the upbeat songs about dancing or love that actually don’t include any PG-13 language. Yeah, all three of them.
So as she hopped and bopped around the living room, I pulled up the music video for One Direction’s That’s What Makes You Beautiful. I’d seen it before, so I knew it was clean. So when she ran over to the computer to see who was singing that song we dance to in the car, I let her peek at the screen.
She looked at the screen, and then she looked at me. With innocent wonder in her voice, she said, “Wow, Mommy! That boy looks GOOD. Doesn’t he?” Later in the song, when the entire band was gallivanting on the beach, she said, “They look good! They look like boyfriends, don’t they?”
Oh. My. Word.
Really? It starts this early?
*SIGH*
Though I can’t recall who my fourth “boyfriend” was in preschool, I can tell you every single boy I had a crush on from kindergarten through high school graduation. And never was there a time when I didn’t have a crush on a boy.
I was hoping my daughter wouldn’t follow in my boy-crazy footsteps. I’ve downplayed the love stories involved in every Disney princess movie. I’ve told her, when she started playing “house” with her friend-who-is-a-boy every day at preschool, that getting married when you’re four is against the law. I’ve treated her friends equally, whether boy or girl, never making a big deal out of her friendships with boys.
And yet . . . here we are, singing along to a boy band, and all I could say was, “Um, yes, that boy looks nice.”
It’s time to buy school supplies. I feel like I should add lip gloss, a mirror and Tiger Beat posters for her locker to the list!
When did your kids {or when did you} first notice that boys/girls “look good”?
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Oh yes, I remember my son’s first crush (at age 3)… and my shock and wondering what mistake I had made in his upbringing to make him like this! And my daughter also started making comments early on about boys…
Though I was caught by surprise at first, and though I try my best not to tease them (especially now that they’re pre-teens – my husband does enjoy teasing them a lot), I’ve tried to see their crushes and comments as teachable moments. I’ve praised their good taste – not just in saying that the “crush” looks good, but also pointing out all sorts of positive character qualities that that person has. It seems to me that in this day and age in which kids are so bombarded with the culture’s ideas of beauty, “love” and sex, it behooves me to make the most of every chance I get to guide and encourage them in the right path. And (I’ll be really honest), I think it’s important to encourage my BOY to see the beauty in girls, and to learn how to treat them well, and to encourage my GIRL to see what makes a boy truly attractive (what with all the gender issues in contemporary society).
Alexandra, I love your point about using these moments as teachable ones and pointing out the character of crushes instead of physical appearance. Thanks for sharing!
Like Alexandra above, I try to reinforce that kindness, smarts, loyalty, and love for God are attractive. One day I got my little girl all dressed up to go out in a new dress, hair done up, etc. She was admiring herself in the mirror with the admiration that only a little girl can have for herself when she all the sudden said, “Do you think Parker will think I’m pretty?”
Aaaack! Why does my five year old care what our neighbor-boy thinks? How I pray she doesn’t define herself by what others think!
Oh noooooo! Five? That makes me want to keep my 4-almost-5yo inside forever! )
*Sigh.*
I can say with confidence that I was one of the few people at my school who didn’t notice the opposite gender in any sort of “cute” or “romantic” way until I was in 9th grade. I’m now a junior in college and have a steady boyfriend who is the love of my life, so I suppose I’m different from the norm in that manner, as well.
I do remember girls going boy-crazy back in the day, though. I actually have a vivid memory of this girl in my class year in junior school offering to pay boys if they would do…things… with her. How awful is that?!
Well, that is terrible – but I’m glad your own story is different than the girl’s you mentioned!