You don’t have to look far on this blog to realize that I am a hypocrite when it comes to romance.
I’ve written extensively about the dangers of letting romance novels, pop music and chick flicks shape our expectations and inform our relationship dynamics. Yet, I also confess – freely and often – to loving books, music, TV shows and movies about love.
So how do I really feel about romance? Well, I’ll tell you. It depends.
Just the sort of definitive answer you were looking for, right? No? FINE. Let me expand on that.
If we’re talking about the mythical version of romance that exists only in fiction and delusional girls’ minds, then I kind of hate it. Well, I love it and I hate it. It’s a love/hate relationship – and that is NOT romantic, no matter what your favorite sitcoms or chick flicks might try telling you.
Does that mean my heart didn’t skip last week while watching Nashville – or holymotherofkisses, the week before during New Girl? Um, no. I AM ONLY HUMAN. But it does mean that I’m a big enough girl to realize that all of that is just not real.
You hear me? Not. Real. Hot? Yes. Real? No.
So I love it because it’s fun and I wish it were real. But I hate it because it’s not real – and I wish it were. But it’s not.
But if we’re talking about the real kind of romance that I’m still learning to see and appreciate in my life – my real life – then oh yeah, I LOVE IT. If we’re talking about laughing at inside jokes and watching our favorite shows on the DVR and gazing at our so-frustrating-when-she’s-awake-but-dang-cute-when-she’s-sleeping kiddo together and leaving the porch light on and cleaning the kitchen even when it’s not my turn and holding hands in the car? Yep, I’m all for that kind of romance.
For more about how I really feel about romance, here’s a collection of posts from the archives:
- The Problem with Romance Novels, part one
- The Problem with Romance Novels, part two
- Kicking the Romance Novel Habit {again. still.}
- The Most Perfect Valentine’s Day Ever . . . almost.
- The Problem with “Call Me Maybe”
- The Most Romantic Gesture Ever
What do YOU think about romance?
{P.S. Don’t forget to enter to win a bag of Hershey’s KISSES!}
I’m with you…rom coms have destroyed romance–though I still like them.
My husband rarely tells me that I look nice without my asking first. He doesn’t buy me gifts or flowers “just because”. He doesn’t chase after me with flowery words of love. He’s never written me a love letter. And date nights often consist of us sitting in companionable silence across the table in a steakhouse.
Romance to me is the heartfelt thank yous at the end of the day for me just being me. It is my husband telling others that he needs me. It is my husband telling my kids to love and appreciate their Mommy. It is the thanking God for his wife daily in our evening prayers as a family. Romance is him making me take a nap because he knows overdo it and he values my sanity. Romance is x choosing to be home every night and desiring to go to bed at the same time as me every night…no matter how early or late that is.
There are no grand gestures that the world says we need. He doesn’t wait on me hand and foot and treat me like a princess. He treats me like his best friend. And I love him more everyday for it.
Sounds like a keeper for sure. :)
I think that the big problem is the one-dimensionality of romance as it’s portrayed on-screen. There’s nothing wrong with that part, but it’s not that simple or limited. Honestly, I married the guy who does the whole “hold my face in his hands as he leans in to kiss me” thing and showers me with Valentine’s treats and all that… it is a very real part of who he is. And I like it! But, in reality, it’s no more romantic than when he plays My Little Ponies so I can rest. Or gets my oil changed because I hate to do it. :)
That’s a fair point, JL. There’s nothing wrong with that type of romance at all. It’s our expectations and our assigning weight to the things that aren’t *quite* as important as others.
Romance escape me, it seems. That’s what I think of romance. But yes, that kiss on New Girl? I want that. :)
Don’t we all… *sigh* ;)
I know you’re still in honeymoon mode with your DVR, but I’m about to chuck mine out the window because it MISSED taping New Girl a couple times and apparently I missed the kiss. Grrr. Hopefully I can find it somewhere! (Off topic, but since my name is also Jess, I downloaded the theme song and made my hubby’s cell phone ringer say, “who’s that girl…. It’s Jess!” When I call or text. Hee hee!)
As for romance, I’m with you. My hubby is the most practical person in the world, so big romantic gestures are not going to happen. I’m ok with that though. I appreciate the little day-to-day things like you mentioned.
That episode of ‘New Girl’ is available on regular Hulu right now. It’s called “Cooler.” And you can just reply that part as much as you want. ;) (Which I don’t recommend…)
Thanks for the tip! Fox is kind of weird about posting shows online, so I wasn’t sure where to look.
Was able to watch it. Thanks again! And Mary was right- holymotherofkisses! I think I’m going to try surprising my husband like that! :)
Wow – look at you, taking charge. I am quite sure your husband will love that! Haha!
Oh no. I will be so sad when my DVR does that to me for the first time. I’m quite enjoying this honeymoon phase!
I was at my first marriage conference this past weekend. The opening sentence of Paul Tripp was: “Romance is not the cause, but the result, of a good marriage.”
I locked that in my heart. The same for: “Love isn’t a feeling, it will be my choice.” I felt it was important to incorporate that into my vows, knowing it may be a challenge… The world’s (Hollywood’s) view on romance and love, is no untrue!
I will look up your links… curious…
I love that definition of romance! Thank you for sharing, Hope!
Mary, love how the pages of a book turn into a heart!
[Disclaimer: this comment is actually for your baby steps post, but for some reason I can’t comment on it, so I’m commenting here instead.:)]
I don’t remember the St. Louis/toasted (or fried) ravioli thing in college. But I can see why you didn’t like it — we didn’t often agree with the St. Louis people, did we? Like you said, no offense to them, we just weren’t kindred spirits as often.
I fully support the idea of baby steps. As well as the idea of getting back up after you fall. I think it’s the only way things can improve. And did you see my Facebook status last night? About counting the successes? It’s true, you gotta count them. So good job. :)
Also, I have a friend from grad school who is very much a kindred spirit when it comes to some things, and she’s hilarious and a good cook. But she doesn’t like cheese. I always tell her we part ways there and that I just don’t get it. How can you not like cheese?? It seems even more blasphemous than not liking chocolate, doesn’t it? Well… anyway, I just don’t get some people. Then again, I used to not like brownies and bacon (USED to!)…