Hmmm. I suppose you might think, based on that title, that this post is about something else. {It’s not. Sorry.} Nope, this is about literally going to bed. To sleep. For real.

See, some nights {FINE. Lots of nights.} I Skype off and on with a friend or two. The instant messaging kind of Skype, not the phone or video call kind. ANYWAY. I always chuckle a bit when I tell one of those friends in particular that I’m going to bed.

Because I know that even though I might be falling over dead tired, my head is at least 20 minutes from hitting my pillow.

Just like buying groceries, going to bed isn’t as simple as I think it should be. Nope. Going to bed isn’t as simple as closing my computer and walking to my bedroom. It’s a process that involves about 31 different steps.

1. Notice the time. Calculate how many hours before the alarm goes off.
2. Notify friends via Skype that you’re signing off to go to bed.
3. Finish project.
4. Close extraneous tabs.
5. Remember one last thing to do.
6. Debate doing it. Do it.
7. Slam computer shut before thinking of one more last thing to do.
8. Return TV to Disney Channel. Turn it off.
9. Pick up empty chip bag. Wonder who ate all those chips…
10. Fluff the pillows. Put away the remote. Turn off the light.
11. Think about laundry. Ignore laundry.
12. Walk to kitchen. Wish for a dish fairy. Don’t hold breath.
13. Empty dishwasher.
14. Rinse dishes. Load dishwasher and set to start.
15. Pat self on the back for doing it so quickly.
16. Wipe down counters. Ignore splatters on stove.
17. Feed cats.
18. Take allergy medicine. {Yes, this is related to step #17…}
19. Fill ice trays. Or leave them for the morning. You pick.
20. Turn off the light. Head down the hall.
21. Do various bathroom things. Contacts. Teeth. Face. Nasal spray. Maybe.
22. Take prenatal vitamins. Thank God for gummy vitamins.
23. Put on glasses.
24. Open daughter’s bedroom door. Wake her up.
25. Take her potty so she makes it through the night.
26. Tuck her back in bed. Give her one more kiss.
27. Plug in cell phone. Check volume. Set alarm.
28. Play Words with Friends. Wonder why I’m not better at this dumb game.
29. Text goodnight to husband.
30. Read until eyes are drooping.
31. And THEN go to sleep.

Until I have to get up to pee. Or toss and turn a few times. Or get a drink. BECAUSE I CANNOT SLEEP TO SAVE MY LIFE WHILE I’M PREGNANT.

But that’s another story altogether.

Tell me. Do YOU go straight to bed when you say you’re “going to bed”? Or do you have a long process like mine?

{Spoiler alert: I’m skipping steps 13-16 tonight. I just cleaned up that place. I can’t handle doing it again. Tomorrow…}

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