Hmmm. I suppose you might think, based on that title, that this post is about something else. {It’s not. Sorry.} Nope, this is about literally going to bed. To sleep. For real.
See, some nights {FINE. Lots of nights.} I Skype off and on with a friend or two. The instant messaging kind of Skype, not the phone or video call kind. ANYWAY. I always chuckle a bit when I tell one of those friends in particular that I’m going to bed.
Because I know that even though I might be falling over dead tired, my head is at least 20 minutes from hitting my pillow.
Just like buying groceries, going to bed isn’t as simple as I think it should be. Nope. Going to bed isn’t as simple as closing my computer and walking to my bedroom. It’s a process that involves about 31 different steps.
1. Notice the time. Calculate how many hours before the alarm goes off.
2. Notify friends via Skype that you’re signing off to go to bed.
3. Finish project.
4. Close extraneous tabs.
5. Remember one last thing to do.
6. Debate doing it. Do it.
7. Slam computer shut before thinking of one more last thing to do.
8. Return TV to Disney Channel. Turn it off.
9. Pick up empty chip bag. Wonder who ate all those chips…
10. Fluff the pillows. Put away the remote. Turn off the light.
11. Think about laundry. Ignore laundry.
12. Walk to kitchen. Wish for a dish fairy. Don’t hold breath.
13. Empty dishwasher.
14. Rinse dishes. Load dishwasher and set to start.
15. Pat self on the back for doing it so quickly.
16. Wipe down counters. Ignore splatters on stove.
17. Feed cats.
18. Take allergy medicine. {Yes, this is related to step #17…}
19. Fill ice trays. Or leave them for the morning. You pick.
20. Turn off the light. Head down the hall.
21. Do various bathroom things. Contacts. Teeth. Face. Nasal spray. Maybe.
22. Take prenatal vitamins. Thank God for gummy vitamins.
23. Put on glasses.
24. Open daughter’s bedroom door. Wake her up.
25. Take her potty so she makes it through the night.
26. Tuck her back in bed. Give her one more kiss.
27. Plug in cell phone. Check volume. Set alarm.
28. Play Words with Friends. Wonder why I’m not better at this dumb game.
29. Text goodnight to husband.
30. Read until eyes are drooping.
31. And THEN go to sleep.
Until I have to get up to pee. Or toss and turn a few times. Or get a drink. BECAUSE I CANNOT SLEEP TO SAVE MY LIFE WHILE I’M PREGNANT.
But that’s another story altogether.
Tell me. Do YOU go straight to bed when you say you’re “going to bed”? Or do you have a long process like mine?
{Spoiler alert: I’m skipping steps 13-16 tonight. I just cleaned up that place. I can’t handle doing it again. Tomorrow…}
I get all the way ready for bed before I say, “I’m going to bed.” My routine is extremely predictable and between 11 – 11:15 pm you will find me between the sheets. Prior to that, I make lunches, open dishwasher (I let the dishes air dry overnight to unload in the morning), wash my face, brush my teeth, make one more round to check on three little kiddos (one still gets that late bathroom trip like yours), quick hugs to two teen girls, let the dog outside and smooch my husband. He is either still practicing his music or working the bedtime routine with me. When I say I’m going to bed, this is all done and I really AM going to bed! And I’m generally asleep within minutes. Sigh.
Ahhh, I like that. Maybe it’s just a mindset switch, but it makes sense. As does making lunches at night. I’m not quite to that point yet. Maybe someday!
Text goodnight to your husband?
He works nights, so yes, I text him good night. :)
Aha! My husband probably thinks we should do that. He goes to bed way earlier (and gets up a little earlier) than I do.
My son works nights as a police officer right now. I think that must be so hard on his sweet wife.
You’re a lot more ambitious than I am. A lot of those things I thought, I only do those on the weekends. Or maybe even only when company’s coming over (e.g. fluffing pillows). But now I can say, “Nuh-uh, Mary, you’re not REALLY going to bed :P” next time we chat.
Also, you’d be good at speech and language therapy, I think. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before. But one of the things I’m supposed to be good at is breaking things down into steps. Well, the school psychologist does some of that too. But anyway. :) If you ever want a new career and want to go back to school for it someday. ;)
There’s a funny joke that I’ve seen on the internet regarding what happens when women say they are going to bed versus when men say they are going to bed. Women have a list about as long as yours, men have one thing on theirs – just going to bed. So true!
Yes, I have a bed routine that takes a lot longer than I’d like, but it’s not as long as yours!
I start by announcing, “I’m going to bed.” Twenty minutes later my husband looks at me and says, “You’re still up? I thought you were going to bed.” It’s a running joke with us that both going to bed AND leaving the house take lots longer for me than for him.
No bedtime routine here – I am a bit of an insomniac! Nights are my ONLY free time, EVER.
When I absolutely can’t sleep? I count backward from a random number. (I usually text my husband, who spends most of his nights driving and sleeps during the day -he’s a truck driver. I ask him for the number and it’s something high – 763 was last night! – then I just count back from there.)
-Jac @ For Life, Love and Books
I’m in good company. My list is ridiculous, but not as long as yours, I guess. (Laughter) I check the # 1 too.
See now? Don’t you feel better about your own list? ;)
Mary, you’re fabulous! Thanks for giving me a reflection on this thing – going to bed.
yes, I do. Hugs!