I used to fall asleep by imagining my next class reunion. I missed my five-year and it seemed logical to me that I would have achieved greatness – and a single-digit jeans size – by age 28. So I’d close my eyes and dream up a scenario straight out of the movies.
I’d walk in, catch everyone’s eye and start catching up with my classmates. I’d tell them – humbly, of course – about my awesome job and pretend not to notice them noticing how fantastic I looked. Yes, that’s right, I’d think. I did lose a little weight. Did I mention the 5K I ran last weekend? FOR CHARITY, OF COURSE.
I know. I was all sorts of crazy.
And, funny thing is, I was seven months pregnant at my 10-year reunion. Single-digit jeans? No way. I would’ve simply been happy for jeans without an elastic waistband! Oh, right, and that fabulous job I was going to brag about? Yeahhhhhh, I’d been laid off the week before.
So much for [reunion] dreams coming true.
Six years later, I’m glad that night didn’t live up to my ridiculous fantasies. Walking into that room, all puffy and slightly embarrassed by who I was – and wasn’t, taught me a lot.
For one, it taught me that the classmate who laughed when I told her my due date wasn’t actually calling me fat and was, in fact, right that I’d be having a baby much sooner than I planned.
But more importantly, it showed me the folly of wishing to be someone other than who I was – and spending precious minutes imagining just how great it would feel to be that woman.
Yesterday I wrote about facing the facts that I’m not really the kind of girl who [fill in the blank]. I don’t look cute in skirts . . . or dust my house, um, ever . . . or make all those cute crafts I file away on Pinterest.
But you know what I do? I throw a great barbecue or baby shower. I make people laugh, a lot – sometimes even on purpose. I make really great dips and desserts – at least once, so I can take pictures and try them out on my friends. And I let my little girl smear my eyeshadow all over my face in her idea of a makeover.
Wishing I could be someone else – or dreaming up scenarios in which I “show ’em all” by being awesome in a way that’s not true or real or ME – is a waste of time and, more importantly, disrespectful of God’s creation.
As in, me and that which I am.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
(Psalm 139:14)
This post is part of Giving Up on Fairy Tales, a 31 Days series. Make sure you don’t miss a post by subscribing to this blog. When you do, you’ll receive an ebook called Finding a Happier Ever After for FREE!
Photo by nkzs and quote from Kabir, Indian philosopher
It’s funny how we often hold the gifts other people have in higher esteem above our own, isn’t it. I have been so guilty of this in the past. I have longed for a better singing voice rather than my own gifts of administration and teaching – it’s true.
I love what you have shared here, Mary and join you on your journey towards and accepting and celebrating the unique shape God made us to be.
Blessings
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions
Mel, your words were so convicting to me! My small group just took a spiritual gifts assessment, and no surprise, my results were the same as usual – with administration at the very top. I said, “Yep, nothing exciting for me. Just administration…so BORING.” What?! As if the very unique set of gifts I’ve received from GOD could be boring??? No way. Thank you for that very specific-to-me reminder, Mel!!
This is SO GOOD. So often we’re measuring ourselves by the achievements of others (who are strong in areas where we’re weak.) And we ignore the things we’re good at!
I also throw a great party and make good desserts. Thanks for this reminder to celebrate what we’re good at. You certainly ARE good at making people laugh. :-)
Making a good dessert is no small thing! Perhaps we should celebrate our real selves more often! Every week. Or even every day! Because I forget so easily…
This struck home, hard. Thank you for lending a bit of clarity, today.
Really great post. I just recently started accepting (and loving) who I am and it makes life so much happier! Wish I’d learned this lesson sooner. Thanks for sharing!
I’m with you, Lisa – wishing I’d learned this sooner. It’s still very much a work in progress for me, but I’m thankful to at least be headed down the right road!
My best friends forced me to go to our 10 year reunion. No part of me wanted to go- I even had a panic attack over it the month before! While high school brought us together, that was about the only bright spot in my experience. My life looked nothing like I’d imagined it would and I felt like I’d failed myself somehow because of that. But I went with our group of friends and we actually had fun. They handed out our time capsules- really just envelopes we’d filled with predictions and pictures and memories. None of my predictions were true- still single, not a high school English teacher, and I have yet to see most of Europe. On the other hand, my life has gone in some interesting directions and my old classmates were happy to see me and catch up. And that was a better reminder of who I am than if those predictions had come true after all.
Love that, Leigh – that your real life and your friends’ happiness to see you are a better tell of who you are than any predictions, fulfilled or not.