It’s that time, friends! Christmas movie time, that is!
Grumpy Cat says: NO.
Wait. Did you think I was talking about White Christmas (or, my preference, Holiday Inn), It’s a Wonderful Life, or A Miracle on 34th Street? The Grinch and Scrooge? The classics? No. I’m talking about the CHEESY Christmas movies on CABLE.
The ones with our favorite childhood stars (or crushes, WHATEVER) – Mark-Paul Gosselar, James Van Der Beek, Mario Lopez, Joey Lawrence, Luke Perry, Dean Cain. And don’t forget the ever-present Melissa Joan Hart, Haylie Duff, Lacey Chabert and their friends Joanna Garcia, Ashley Williams, Tatyana Ali, Danica McKellar, Tia Mowry, Jennie Garth and Jenny McCarthy.
Wow. It sounds a little crazy when I list them all out like that. I don’t care, though. I love every one of those silly movies!
Well, that’s not true. I do have a threshold for cheese, and some of these movies bust right through it. Still, most of them – with their small town charm and desperate business owners and quirky neighbors and snow globe magic and alternate universes and childhood sweethearts – are my favorite things to watch in December.
Even my favorite pop culture writer from the very prestigious NPR agrees:
“Holiday time can actually be a little fraught and a little stressful. You know, you want something uncomplicated, and sometimes saving the Christmas tree farm from foreclosure is a pretty good option.”
– Linda Holmes, NPR’s Monkey See
I was going to make a list of my top 10 favorite cheesy Christmas movies, but after listing all the actors who star in them, I realized it would be impossible to narrow it down. (After all, I didn’t even bring up the not-so-famous actors or the Henry Winklers, Tom Cavanaughs, Steve Guttenbergs, Tom Arnolds and the Doris Roberts, Markie Posts, Teri Polos, Candace Camerons. See? I can’t even make THAT list a short one!)
So instead I’ll finish this so I can finish watching…um…Holiday in Handcuffs. (I KNOW.) And I’ll leave you with a few links so you, too, can get your fill of Christmas cheese!
- The Hallmark Channel has 12 new Christmas movies this year. (Though my stupid cable plan doesn’t let me watch a single one of them. No, I don’t want to talk about it.)
- ABC Family and its 25 Days of Christmas have some of the best and worst offenders in this category. You can watch a whole bunch of them on the website – free and not all pixelly like they are on YouTube, not that you’d resort to that. Not that I’d resort to that. ANYWAY.
- Lifetime has new movies and old movies and big movies and super cheesy movies – and you can find the actual schedule of when all of them air on the website (they win best Cheesy Christmas Movie Cable Website!).
- Netflix has a ton of Christmas movies of all kinds – including the cheesy kind (but also the Ernest Saves Christmas and something starring that kid from Home Improvement).
- And UP TV is apparently a thing, too. I’d never heard of this channel and don’t have it on my dial (remember dials?), but it looks like those lucky enough to have it have even more Christmas cheesy fun to choose from.
Now, I’m off to do something productive. I’m most certainly not going to follow a rabbit trail of cheesy Christmas movies in hopes of finding this one movie I watched that one time that either had a girl from a show I used to watch or a guy from a show I used to watch and there was a Christmas tree scene and SOMETHING. I think the girl had red hair.
No. I’m not going to try to figure out what movie that is. That’d be ridiculous…right…?