I called a plumber yesterday. Our shower, kitchen sink and washing machine drain have been backing up. I actually woke up to a wet garage floor where the washing machine (yes, it’s in the garage) had overflowed during the night, presumably while the dishwasher ran.
So the plumber came and listened to my story, ran some faucets and flushed our toilet. He told me he can sometimes tell where the problem is just by listening to the water run. Whatever. I just need to do laundry, so if that means I have to pay the Water Whisperer to fix our pipes, I will.
At least that’s what I thought. After he looked in our crawl space and did a little research into the last big job his company did at our house (replaced water main, two years ago, thousands of dollars), he came back into my house and said, “I really like to give people several options, but I’m afraid you only have one option.”
Apparently one of the main pipes that pushes water to various places in our house is rusted and possibly collapsed. COLLAPSED. What. On. Earth.
You guys? It’s going to cost ONE BILLION DOLLARS. (Please, understand this is hyperbole and also read that in your best Austin Powers voice.)
And this? This is why I am the only middle-aged, female Christian person who does not watch Fixer Upper.
The other night I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a video about Joanna Gaines. I paused and wondered if it would be a good fit for the website I curate for, but quickly realized I’d watched it a year ago. I thought then, just as I thought now, that show looks great. I should watch it. And then I didn’t.
Look, I know the Gaines are super sweet and funny and creative and awesome people who make beautiful things. At least that’s what you all tell me. And you know I love watching television. So CLEARLY I should be watching THEIR SHOW.
But I’m not.
And I’m not going to. Because it is too painful. And watching home renovation shows simply gets me all riled up and frustrated and envious and discontent. It’s not good for my heart. (Or my budget, because while I may not be able to knock down a wall in my kitchen, I can certainly buy ALL THE PILLOWS AT TARGET. I can. But I shouldn’t.)
If you’ve read this blog for any time at all, you probably know that I live in a small house that we’ve tried to sell more than once in the past few years. I struggle with contentment. And frustration. And disappointment. And, well, entitlement. I’m a mess. This house is a mess. And watching Fixer Upper isn’t going to fix up any part of that.
When we first bought this house thirteen years ago, we considered it our “starter house.” We’d heard that’s what your first house was; it was the way the real estate market was back then. Young people bought a small house, fixed it up, and sold it to make a bunch of money for the down payment on their REAL HOUSE.
So in those early years, Mark and I spent a lot of time with Home Depot and HGTV. We painted and decorated and made plans to do so much more. But then we got busy and then we got pregnant and then we got even busier and pregnant again. We tried to sell the house, which meant stripping it down to the most basic decorations and repairing all the annoying, less-than-glamorous things that had been lingering on our to-do list.
Why isn’t there a TV show about fixing broken closet doors and installing outlets to meet code?
At the same time, we fought with our crumbling pipes and backed up toilet and peeling wood floors and broken windows and flooded back yard and sagging siding. None of which were fun or affordable. All of which were required fixes before we could hope to move on to that REAL HOUSE.
Somewhere along the way, watching home renovation shows became a whole lot less entertaining and a whole lot more stressful. Rather than allowing us to dream about the possibilities our cozy little house held, it just reminded us of the money pit we were stuck with.
If you can’t see the video, click here.
When I told Mark about the plumber’s diagnosis (and cost estimate), he kind of lost his mind. I reminded him of how awesome it is that God knew this was going to happen and had already laid the groundwork to provide for this outrageous expense. But it’s still hard to swallow, this investing more money into a house we don’t want.
But the thing is…it’s the house we have. And even on the most frustrating days, I’m grateful for that. I am! When I lost my job right before Annalyn was born, we came very close to losing this house. And even if it’s small and old and falling apart, it’s a house. It has bedrooms and a bathroom (with a toilet that usually flushes) and a kitchen. It’s a place my family gets to live, and I don’t take that for granted. At least I try not to.
And that’s why I don’t watch Fixer Upper – or any other home renovation show – right now. It appeals to the part of me that is so unsatisfied with what I have, and I just can’t feed that part of me. I was writing a guest post for another site yesterday, and I mentioned that one of my friend Sara’s life goals was “to love what I have and not yearn for what I lack.” Easier said than done, but I’m trying.
So last night when I crashed on the couch after putting the kids to bed without baths and sloooowly rinsing my dishes (you know, to make sure the water went down the drain like it’s supposed to?), I deleted Fixer Upper off my DVR and turned on Lip Sync Battle instead.
(I mean. It was the Channing Tatum episode, so it wasn’t actually a hard choice. But you get my point, right?)
[Side note and disclaimer in case you misunderstand me: If you adore Fixer Upper and the Gaines and wish you could watch HGTV all your waking hours, that’s awesome! I don’t blame anyone else for watching what used to be – and may someday be again – fun shows for me. I just can’t handle them right now.]
If you want to watch a show and come away thinking you live in a mansion with way to much stuff watch one or all of those tiny house shows! I love them! Every time I watch one I come away thinking, “my house is huge!”, “I never need to ever buy any more stuff and let’s get rid of at least half the stuff we have and just enjoy our space and each other.” They always seem to remind me to be grateful for my small house. :)
I love the basic show of Fixer Upper but get sick of their silliness. They can be entertaining without being so silly. Chip showing his belly- come on. That is ridiculous. Leave that for Joanna and their bedroom.
Sounds like you guys need to stop wasting your money on small inc things and actually start a real savings plan to invest into your home. I know it sounds harsh but that is the reality. You’ve probably attempted to sell your home by investing the least minimum into it…reality check that does not work. If you don’t want your house why would anyone else want it especially if they walk into and see YOUR life and cannot invision theirs in it. You need to make a major changes, probably very hard and difficult ones. Something like your hubby getting a second job or maybe you getting a part time job. I think in the long run it would be worth it. Your home is your sanctuary and should make you feel good to be there not stressed and frustrated. That can be achieved without necessary objects or an abundance of decor, and even better without clutter. If that seems too hard to achieve then it would be better to just accept the way things are in your home and not give a brick about it, because I know what it is like and can tell you it’s not healthy. Hubbies go off to work and get a break from the struggles and frustrations that come from a home that isn’t kept up well ornot functionable, but the stay at home mammas that give up everything to do the best for their families never do get that break. That is why hubbies don’t understand the importance of that sanctuary and the mammas struggle to bring that point across without seeming materialistic or greedy. No one would go to work daily at an office where the computer keyboards didn’t work or the telephones sometimes worked or sometimes didn’t (people would be irate!) Some how though society has failed to see that the same concept applies to the home and the family.
For god’s sake it’s time that the most important job in the world start getting some recognition…hubbies/working partner step up or OSHA may knock on your door LOL not!
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Hi Mary, its understandable to feel irritable when you watch shows like Fixer Upper, when things are just not working out the way they work out on Fixer Upper. When you live in a house, and are fixing it up, one fix-up at a time, it can seem like a never ending ‘fixing’, but when you buy a home with the intention to fix it up, with the budget to do this, then its important to go with the pros like Joanna and Chip who have a very deep hearted intention to give people a home that they can live in and enjoy..Joanna and Chip ‘fix it up’ and from the heart, and not for the need for perfection, but to give that part of them, from their heart to the clients…Joanna to me, puts her heart into everything she does, and her heart is full of pure love…you can’t get anymore perfect than that…her designs seem perfect, but its her heart that is truly full of pure perfection, because its full of pure love offered to others…most likely this is the true ‘perfect’ many people seek, its in the heart not in the plumbing…
I totally agree with this. It doesn’t sound harsh, but it can be really hard to swallow. If you hate your house, so will all of your potential buyers. We learned that the hard way. If your end goal is truly to sell and get out there, then you need to make some hard, major improvements so that somebody will walk into it and immediately fall in love and be able to envision their life there. I agree, sad but true… if you cannot do that, then you sort of have to accept that you will be there for a long time. Nobody wants somebody else’s problems and NOBODY wants to buy a money pit. Don’t just slap lipstick on a pig. Really make it better. Maybe your discontent is the motivation that you need to really make some hard improvements in order to get where you ultimately want to be. And a lot of those things CAN BE DONE easily… coincidentally, I get all of my ideas from watching those shows and doing the easy “DIY” updates that I CAN do myself. Maybe you aren’t “feeding” that negative side of yourself by watching them, as much as highlighting what you already know is the truth… Your biggest fear about that house. Let that fuel your motivation instead of your discontent. A lot of the updates that you can do yourself look much more expensive than they are. But long story short, if you REALLY want to get out of there, then you know what you have to do. It sucks. But it’s true. And you might find (like we did) that really biting the bullet and saving and making the improvements will make you fall in love with your home all over again and want to stay. Instead of trying to constantly fight and avoid your discontent, do something about it so it can’t haunt you for the rest of your days in that home.
Oh, I completely understand how you feel. Due to some health issues I am currently living in my father’s house. Every evening he and his friend watch some real estate show, and it brings me to tears. For what they are paying for a vacation home I could afford surgery and to regain my life and livelihood. It just sucks too much positive energy, and I allow it to make me question God’s plan for me. The struggle is real, and so are the costs of home repair, and home improvement. I wish you all the best! Keep watching things that bring out the best in you. Prayers.
I am a huge nut for fixer upper! Love the show love her style obviously. My husband and I have just joined forces to bring style to anyone and everyone. We started a website called Dun4me.com the idea came from me wanting a custom piece of furniture made for my dining room, and the stores just didn’t have the right look I was going for. Long story short, my husband said ” there needs to be a website you can create custom made projects” and BAM that is where Dun4me came from. Basically it is a marketplace that connects customers who are wanting custom pieces, to designers, engineers, craftsmen who can make that product for you. They put bids they can do the work for, and you chose the bid and vendor of your choice! Its a pretty basic idea, and solved my problem. I would love it you could look at the site, give me some input on what you think. I think us fans of the show could totally recreate some of Jojos inspiration ourselves. Thanks again!
God Bless,
Cayce Riggen
I LOVE their show. We barely make enough to get by and that is precisely why I love their show. I get so many ideas and am able to adapt from what they do on the show. We have been able to find some super inexpensive stuff that mimics their high-priced stuff and it comes off as though we actually know what we’re doing. So . . . I love their creativity and sense of style, and I am happy to copy whatever I can!!! :)
I totally understand and completely agree with you. I can’t watch HGTV any more without crying and getting depressed. We started a dairy and had an old house moved to the property. All of our money, time and energy goes to the dairy. Even if we had time and money to fix up the house, we’re always exhausted. A pet peeve of mine on HGTV is their shows are too predictable. You know Chip is going to act silly and you can count on some sort of problem arising in the middle of the show and lo and behold the homeowner has the money to take care of said problem.
I can’t stand Fixer Upper. I find cutesy annoying. I also think that such a relationship is a load of you know what. And the level of intelligence appalls. me.
Someone else may have already said this, but of ALL the home improvement shows out there THIS particular one should actually be THE one for you. It is all about choosing a house that is a total wreck, some almost to the point of being condemned, and taking that very affordable wreck and applying money that would otherwise have been spent on a mortgage to turn that house into something beautiful. Also, in every episode I’ve seen they run into unexpected problems and they come up with the best and most affordable options to fix those unforeseen issues. On top of that, they use real world prices. This is not Vanilla Ice with the $5000 jelly fish tank that they accidentally break and go “Whoops, well, let’s go buy another $5000 custom jelly fish tank”, this is a real couple, with four kids, doing the best to make a living, struggling to afford their own dream home and putting in their own elbow grease to make a living. They shop yard sales and dumpster dive to save money and create beautiful homes. Things go wrong and cost more than expected. Mistakes are made. And almost every couple I’ve seen on this show has a real world house budget of around $100, 000 or so. Where I live (Pennsylvania) it would be impossible to find even a terrible house for less. This shows motto is literally: Find the worst house in the nicest neighbor hood and make it beautiful. For someone like you it would be great information on where to invest your money so you can sell the house. That’s why people keep telling you to watch it. I get what I call “house fever” from watching HGTV as well. Getting my own house has been my lifelong dream and as I struggle to survive renting and going to college for my bachelor’s degree at age 33 because life had other plans for me I will also burst out into heartbroken tears when I watch things like House Hunters or Extreme Makeover. But Fixer Uppers, and the show Tiny House Builders, reminds me that it is an achievable dream. We just need patience, a decent job, creativity and the willingness to get our hands dirty.
I think they are great and good for them for succeeding ! They are an inspiration .
I can feel your pain here! Once in our first old house we started getting water coming up the basement drain that turned out to be seeping in from our slightly higher elevated neighbors. A section of pipe had collapsed which had to be excavated and replaced, and this pipe had three houses all feeding to it, because it was a quirky installation 90 years prior. Weirdly, the actual excavation area was under a fourth neighbor’s yard! “Ding dong! Hi reclusive person, we haven’t met before, here’s the darnedest thing….” Maybe there should be a show about money pits. Best of luck to you.
I get removing entertainment that is an issue playing into dissatisfaction. But honestly is there anything more puzzling than the Channing Tatum comment? I would have taken this more seriously if there wasn’t a comparison TV choice that is anything but moral being used as an exchange example. No Christian should be watching lewd programs ever (Ephesians 5:4, 1 John 2:16 and Galatians 5:16) I personally love watching Fixer Upper because it inspires beautiful creativity, design examples, pursuing dreams with a playful and Christ like attitude.
Okay, here goes nothing; I have enjoyed fixer upper since it first aired so much so that we decided to actually retire there in a couple years. We enjoy the hill country and figured we would try and get on the show! I sent in the required application online not once but twice, nothing, zippo, nada. So we went there for a lil vacation and to figure out which area we would enjoy living in, then we contacted the Magnolia Real Estate office. In talking with the agent we get it old they aren’t casting now but looking for the 2018 season. Sounds good to us as that is just about the time we would be buying, but nope, they said you have to already own a home there, huh? I am confused? Any ways, long story short, nope, nada, not happening. Saddened that I feel the show misrepresents how the process works and now I wouldn’t want to go on there. Thanks for reading….
Oh, how disappointing for you! I hope you’re able to find a home you love despite all that!
I completely understand your frustration with that show. I find it a bit strange that everyone has such a different budget, but in the end they all end up with the same high end WHITE and OPEN spacious magazine beautiful house?? It is a bit formulated and you know what–at some point in the near future the trend is going to shift and everyone is going to get tired of living in ONE BIG ROOM together, Then they are going to start saying…we need to put a wall up here and maybe a partial wall here and another wall over there…anyway, what really bothers me is that Chip and Joanna are christian and believe God has guided them through this great success, but why would God let them have all the success and let his other children (you and I struggle with leaky roofs and bad plumbing issues.) I could go in and flip houses and stage them too…but it takes a lot of $$$$. Finally, they seem to have this picture perfect family…you know–their children are perfect, I know many times when I try to get things done and accomplish big projects, something with the kids always conflicts and I choose helping or doing for the kids instead. What is going on there? Do they have a nanny service on call or lots of family or what? I just know that when you are as busy and accomplished as they are, something has got to give and I will bet you those kids have suffered not having their parents around enough.
Well, I suppose the trendy layout joke is on me, too. We finally sold our house and bought one with one of those open floor plans. ;) As for their kids, I wouldn’t dare guess to know a thing about their personal lives. I guess, even when I know to stay away for my own issues, I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt!
Hello, I’m from Mississippi and down south, well where I was raised, we were taught take what you have and if its not good enough give thanks anyway and god will help make it better.. Look at it this way yeah your house may seem falling apart but to that man or woman on the road with a sign saying will work for food has it a lot worse probly wouldn’t mind even taking a bath under your house.. I’m am not being rude or disrespect full but there is ALOT of people who don’t have anything. Don’t give up girl head up (never give up) take what you have and give god thanks.. Battles whether its a tree in your way or house is designed to make us stronger.. Showes on TV are there for entertainment say and do as you will with it.. I’m 22 have 2 houses of my own and my own land ,how? right! no I’m not rich no I’m not spoiled I got blessed my grandmother needed help I helped her now I’m making payments on 6.2 archers and 2 houses both of witch need work one I am going to rent and without fixer upper I probly wouldn’t know where to start like the walls of my grandmothers house its got booookkkkooos of shiplap that was covered up the hardwood floors covered up without this show it would cost me more to put new floors and walls rather than refinishing what I have.. They are a kick to watch in my opionion .. You shouldn’t get depressed look at it like I do OK if you see something you like make it !!! Diy that joker if you don’t know how learn teach your self with no job you have plenty of time watch videos read books man!!! OK lol if you see a wall of gprgoues shiplap recreate it with panel and a table saw and paint some nails.. Maybe your floor is rough don’t buy a new floor work with what you got fix the bad blend it in man that’s what chip and Joanna has taught me its allll about how you go into the show.. Jealousy is a bad drug don’t take it put your foot down and say NO ANYWAY I am sorry that you have to worry about your house just remember find out the problem and fix it your self believe in your self if you don’t know how watch YouTube or books or FIXERUPPER!!!
PLEASE put on some new shows!!!!! I’ve seen all of these 5-6-7 times!!!!!C.Muniza, Houston
I totally get what you are saying — and what I am about to say is not meant to try to get you to change your mind — because, I totally get what you are saying. I struggle with discontentment too — and discouragement and despair. Under normal circumstances I would not be able to watch the show either . . . but I am in a different place right now and am thankful that Fixer Upper and other shows like it have actually ministered to me. My family has worked in Africa for the last 14 years. It’s a messy place. Then we needed to return because of some family issues. We are messed up people. We came back 4 months ago with 2 suitcases and no place to live feeling broken, used up and finished. Salvage Dawgs, Fixer Upper and other shows like them actually gave me HOPE. Repair, renovation, redemption and even reuse are possible. I have finished the few seasons on Netflix and don’t find a need to go searching out more episodes to watch as that would probably feed my discontentment, but I am grateful for the shows I watched. It is time for me to work on my family and let God demo, rework, and even stage our family so that we can be used for his glory again. I trust he will use you for His glory too — in the little house you live in with the family you have because you choose contentment and Him.
Mary, you committed the mortal sin of HGTV- You spoke your mind, and wasn’t drooling over Fixer Upper. Bad, bad Mary. I’m with you 100%, but God forbid you say ANYTHING true or a teeny bit negative about that show. What? You aren’t a cult member? (Dripping sarcasm). I liked it initially, but sick and tired of every house looking the same, and now the ‘droolers’ wanting their homes to be exactly the same as a TV show. To me the whole Fixer Upper ‘movement’ is becoming ridiculous. Uh oh! I too committed a mortal sin…my bad.
Well, I don’t think it’s quite a mortal sin. ;) To each her own, I say! (Actually, what I often say to my daughters is that “different people like different things.” I’d say that applies here!)
I just found your blog – first of all, this is delightful, and I will be following you!
In regards to this post, I so hear you about the “Fixer Upper” type shows. For me, the problem is that all the problems seem to be resolved so quickly; in 45 minutes, they have a whole new, gorgeous home! Why do my house and my problems take so much longer and so much work?
I read a blog written by a lady who was fixing up her home, little by little. She said that she felt like God was teaching her patience by having to wait for her “perfect” home. I’m trying to remember that too, and not compare myself to my neighbors (or the folks on TV.)
I look forward to reading more of what you have to say!
Hi, Carlie! I’m glad you found us here – welcome! :)
I totally get your feelings and have backed off the program myself. They do a wonderful job, but sometimes I cant relate to that much “perfection.” . Both Baylor graduates (mucho dinero there), she was a gymnast and homecoming queen and he was flipping houses in college. I am struggling through college later in life, survived two of my mother’s divorces before I was 18 years old, and parented a parent and siblings and worked to contribute when the stepdad walked out. And have had a lifelong struggle with weight. Yea – on the positive side, that’s a lot more dysfunction for God to work with. So, when Joanna mentioned in an article that she felt out of place for a while in college, I just thought “Well, it’s just not easy being you, is it?!” That’s sarcasm, in case it didn’t translate well! I will eventually return to watching it but not as much as before. I’m thinking their idea of not having a TV is a good one and I may steal that idea.
Well I hope your situation got better and I hope that Chip and Joanna find out about your post , it will be nice if then to help you out . She might do a gesture of a good CHRISTIAN as she always says about how herself and her family live their lives . ( I don’t think they are the best or true Christians ,my opinion but for sure she can afford it .lol) I feel your frustration I stopped watching HCTv in general. Best luck to y. Take care.