If there’s one question that will start a firestorm of opinion and emotion, it is…
What’s the worst TV show finale you’ve ever seen?
One of my good friends will take every opportunity to express her great disgust for the ending of White Collar. And despite the four years that have passed, fans (or former fans) of How I Met Your Mother will not hesitate to tell you today exactly how terrible that show’s ending was. And though it aired two full years ago, I am still not over the ridiculous way Castle ended its eight-year run.
Lots of people feel just as strongly about the finales of everything from Newhart toThe Sopranos. Sometimes it isn’t one episode that upsets fans; other times it’s an entire final season, like with Scrubs, That 70’s Show, and — many would say — Gilmore Girls. And more than just being disappointed or angered by an episode or even a season, many previously die-hard fans get so worked up that they vow to never watch or speak well of their beloved show again. For them the ending erases any affection they may have had for the show. They’re just…finished.
But does it have to be that way?
Does a bad ending necessarily negate any good that came before it?
If you lose the championship game, does your undefeated season leading up to it no longer count?
Is the end result, the final goal, the finish line all that matters? Or does the journey itself have value?
Does a bad finale ruin a great season?
Two of my best friends from college no longer speak to me. Though it’s been nearly two decades, it’s a loss that still saddens me deeply. For years I couldn’t think of them without crying, and not a week went by without me thinking of them. However, life goes on and while time might not erase all wounds, it will eventually heal them a bit. Still, those friendships didn’t end well and — despite my one-time assumption that they’d last forever — they did, in fact, end.
Does that mean I can’t look back on the time we spent together with fondness? Does that mean our friendships during those crucial years of undergrad were invalid or unimportant? Because of a later fallout?
I don’t think so.
Now, sure, the nature of those relationships’ end does color how I see the years we were close. I realize now that I saw many parts of those relationships differently than my friends did. But it does not mean we didn’t love each other for four years. It doesn’t take away the laughter and tears, the studying and eating and discussing and debating and general hanging out we shared. I refuse to let our bad endings take that from me.
And the same thing goes for my favorite TV shows.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that the finale of How I Met Your Mother was terrible, for a host of reasons. I didn’t like it (though, admittedly, I didn’t hate it nearly as much as so many others). But do I still watch reruns and enjoy them thoroughly? You bet.
Does merely the thought of that last scene of Castle drive my blood pressure through the roof and launch me into a detailed explanation of why it was so. very. stupid? Yes. Yes, it does. But did that stop me from telling a friend (who has not watched the show) that she should absolutely watch it this week, from telling her it was — and remains — one of my favorite shows, from smiling as I think about how much I love it still? Not at all.
TV and life are often intertwined in my mind, and this question of endings is no exception.
When I think of my first real job out of college — the one that overworked and underpaid me, the one that made clear what the “burnout” I’d read about in grad school meant, the one that I quit in desperation without having a new job secured — do you think I frown and roll my eyes and cry? Nope. Not anymore.
I smile and nod my head and gush a little bit, because what I hold onto today is how, for the first full year I had that job, I could not believe I got paid to do what I loved. I remember how much I learned and all the parts I loved and the amazing friendships I formed and the life lessons I took with me. It took me a while to get to this place, but the truth is: I loved that job so, so much — and the last, torturous, failure- and frustration-filled year can’t take that from me.
A few weeks ago our church celebrated its 10-year anniversary. In the weeks leading up to it and the morning of the big celebration event, I was surprised by my reaction. Of course I was excited and happy for our church, for our pastors who started this community, this family, for God’s work in so many lives and in our community. I was amazed and grateful, and I loved taking time to appreciate how much God has done in a short time and all the ways we can see, in hindsight, He prepared the way for our church and its journey.
But I also couldn’t stop crying.
Every time they mentioned it this spring — Don’t forget! Our10-year anniversary celebration is coming up! This is an event you don’t want to miss! Mark your calendars now! — I cried. And for the 90 minutes I sat in that celebration service, worshipping and listening and smiling in awe and gratitude, I cried.
What on earth? I mean, yes, my tendency to be a big, ol’ crybaby who cries is well-known. But this was extreme. This was unusual, even for me.
Finally, I realized what was going on. The celebration of our church’s milestone was a reminder of another church’s failure. Thirteen years ago my husband and I were part of a brand-new church, and it didn’t last one year, much less ten. That season was one of the most difficult, life-altering, heart-breaking that we’ve ever experienced. It hurt us, and it changed us. And for years — so many years! — we went from talking about it nonstop to barely being able to mention any part of it.
As I stood in a theater full of smiling, happy people, unable to stop the tears coursing down my face (even though both my husband and daughter asked, repeatedly, “What is WRONG?!”), I realized they weren’t all sad tears.
Sure, some of that celebration was bittersweet for me as I reflected on what might have been and what will never be. But it was also a personal celebration for me as I took in the full circle, the big picture, the redemption story that God has been drawing in our lives. It was a time to look back with clear eyes and a peaceful heart; it was a time to let go.
For so long the traumatic ending of that church plant has colored the memories of the years leading up to it. My heart and mind confused the pain of that season’s finale with the overall joy we found in the friendships we developed, the fun we had, the countless things we learned and ways we grew. Some relationships came to a close when our association with that church ended, and that was hard. Really hard. But it doesn’t mean we didn’t love those people then, that we don’t still care for them now.
If you’re having trouble separating your feelings about a bad ending with your memories of a great season, you’re not alone. I’ve been there — both as a disgruntled TV fan and as a failed church planter, fundraiser, and friend. It’s hard to remember the good things that led up to a disappointment, a heartbreak, a really bad ending, or just an unwanted ending. But you can do it.
You can refuse to let a disappointment or heartbreak steal the joy of what came before.
You can hold onto your memories of a more innocent time, before you knew what was coming later.
You can preserve the wonder, the gratitude, the love you felt about someone or something before everything changed.
You can be grateful for the ways you can see God’s fingerprints in both seasons of hardship and seasons of abundance.
You can reject the idea that a bad ending ruins a great season.
Is there a part of your history you need to rewrite, again? Can you process and learn from a bad ending, while still appreciating the goodness that led up to it? Is it possible to be grateful for the whole experience, even the hard parts but especially the good ones?
Is it possible that a bad ending doesn’t have to ruin a great season?
Middle photo by Alex Ronsdorf on Unsplash
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I so desperately needed to read this, right at this moment. Thank you!! Thank you for being a vessel that God uses! I appreciate it.
Brandi, I’m so glad this was encouraging to you! Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you, Mary. Needed this one. xo
I realized as I was writing that I needed it, too. Funny how God works that way, isn’t it?!
I love this so much, Mary! There’s so much truth here. I have had a few “bad endings” and that sometimes seems like all I can focus on from those seasons. What a great perspective switch this is! Thank you for writing and sharing this.
I think most of us experience a bad ending or two eventually. Learning to let go of the pain and hold onto the good parts is a lesson I’m still learning!
So much wisdom borne of a life lived with (mostly, bc we all hit bumps in our belif systems) open heart and mind. Thank you for the gentle reminder to treat our memories with grace. Now, excuse me while I find the finale to “Castle”.
Well, I’d say not to bother with the Castle finale. So disappointing! :)
Mary, this is so poignant!
I love this especially: “If you’re having trouble separating your feelings about a bad ending with your memories of a great season, you’re not alone…”
Succint and at the heart of the matter.
My best high school friend doesn’t speak to me either, and it has been incredibly painful. Your thoughts here are really wise and helpful. Still appreciate the goodness without getting lost in the sadness of the ending is so critical.
Losing close friends in that way is so dang hard, isn’t it? I think it’s partly just my stubborn nature that keeps me holding tightly to the good memories. But also, it’s just all twisty and messy and impossible to separate!
Thank you for your faithfulness to be a part of new worshipping communities! It’s takes so much courage and commitment. Although grief is appropriate (for we grieve the things we love when they are gone), I pray that the loss of one community that prepared you for this one is also a joy. Peace to you! Your FaithOnFire neighbor.
Oh, how I loved this, Mary. I struggle with this in movies, in series, individual episodes, and my own life. I do, in fact, deal with that question about various seasons of my life–as well as the loss of and deep chasms in relationships I have valued. This was a encouragement to me to think rationally and be okay with grieving in the process.
I’m so glad this encouraged you, Natalie! Grief and joy are strangely connected, and it is a lot to wrap our minds around!
Yes and amen to this right here, Mary –>’You can refuse to let a disappointment or heartbreak steal the joy of what came before.’
No truer words have been spoken. We get to choose how to respond to whatever descends. I love that!
So good to run into you over at Holley’s this morning. Bless you …
Thanks for reading, Linda. I needed this reminder myself! :)
Endings can be painful things, whether they’re a relationship, season of life or a TV series we really loved. However, you have shown us here how it’s okay (and good for us) to grieve, accept where we are now and begin to move on, while appreciating to the full all that has gone before. I’m blessed to read these wise words today. Thanks, Mary! :)
I’m so glad you were encouraged by this, Joy. Thank you for reading!
This was great, Mary! It’s all-too-easy to allow a bad ending to feel like a crash and burn at the end of a great season, but this doesn’t have to be the case! I loved this and Tweeted!
Thank you for sharing this, Stacey! Yes, I know my tendency is to throw everything in the figurative garbage when it ends badly, but we don’t have to and sometimes probably shouldn’t!
You’ve given me much to think about. I’ve had a few hurtful endings in relationships and have let it color everything that came before.
It’s so easy to do that. I know I’ve fallen into that trap before. But I think what came before a hurtful ending might (sometimes) be a gift to help us weather that pain.
What about the ending (bad!!) of LOST?! I mean, really. Do TV people even care? ? (: You should send this to them – all of them. Great to see you hear, Mary. I was on the launch team for choose joy and you are a great writer. I think bad endings and bad middles , even bad beginnings – are all to throw us on the breast of Jesus – the best example of getting through a bad ending that ended well.
Haha, I have wondered about the cold hearts of TV people many times myself! :) Thanks so much for coming over to visit today – and for your kind words. And yes, I agree – all of our struggles can be (eventually) seen as blessings when we allow them to turn our eyes to Jesus.
I thought I commented so if this is twice, please forgive me! I was so disappointed in the ending whole season of LOST! I mean, really. So well done and then not so well progressed nor ended. Alas. You should send this to all the TV networks. I’ll sign a petition. What ever. Love seeing you here – I was on Choose Joy launch and you are a great writer. I think all bad endings, bad middles and even bad beginnings make us lean on Jesus – who knows what a bad ending is like and how it all works out (in the end.)
I’ve had a very similar experience with a church plant. I still remember nearly throwing my shoe at the TV for the finale of quantum leap and weeping at what they did in the last season to my favorite original beauty and the beast
Endings are hard…and definitely deserve shoe-throwing at times!
Oooohhh… lots to think on here! WOW! Praying I won’t need to teach this lesson to my almost 10 year old this evening after his championship little league game… God does use it all, though!! Blessings!
Hope the game went well!!
These are such good thoughts, Mary. We don’t have to let endings ruin the whole relationship or season or whatever it is. This is such good advice. “You can be grateful for the ways you can see God’s fingerprints in both seasons of hardship and seasons of abundance.
You can reject the idea that a bad ending ruins a great season.”
Blessings to you! I’m y our neighbor at #Let’sHaveCoffee.